I just watched Grey's Anatomy -

The episode was about George's Father having a HeartAttack -

For some reason the episode just caught me in the GUT.

I am sitting here bawling my eyes out...

Why?

I cannot imagine my life WITHOUT My Daddy

Everyone that knows me Knows immediately that I have placed My Daddy onto a Pedastal.

Up beyond a pedastal that even his own mother, my Grandmother, placed him upon.

She called my Daddy her Golden Boy - Her Golden Child.

My step-mother states, frequently, that for me, My Daddy walks on water.

I think that is a good thing.

**SMILE**

But back to why I am crying - literally bawling -

I REALLY cannot imagine my life without my HeadStrong, Stubborn Beloved Daddy.

He is the Man I compare all other Men to.

Of which no other man can really compare to.

How does a Man compares to a girl's Daddy?

I was told, I think, once in therapy, or perhaps I read it in a Oprah of the month book that every Girl is searching for Her Daddy Replacement.

Only once would I say that I "met" my Daddy Replacement.

His name? Rick Rockwell.

Rich, sarcastic and at times, when he let himself, loveable.

But he turned away from me.

But I am very happy to say that My Daddy has never, never, ever, ever turned away from me.

My Daddy is turning 60 on his next birthday. And I am not ready to say goodbye to him in the next ten years.

Is there someway that I can make a trade Dear Lord?

To be with My Daddy for at least the next 30 years? For him to be the Man that he is Today?

Able to go skiing on a whim, to go to his cabin, work on it and talk about it and be enthralled.

To be strong, like he is now.

For when it is his "time" for it to be my "time" instead?

Dear Lord, I would willingly trade my "time" for his...

Easily.

Oh it has not been all golden time...

He left my Mother and I when I was but 4 years of age...

A few times he has said a few criptique things...

But Jan, his ex, states "it is just His way..."

So yes, My Daddy has faults.

I have mine.

We are both very stubborn people.

Have I ever forgiven him for leaving me behind? To grow up with an abusive mother and step-father?

Does one? Can one?

Can I?

Of that I am very unsure...

But I want this time, to be extended so I can grow to know My Daddy.

Y'see? I have just moved to Nanaimo - No job - No income - But I see My Daddy daily and I miss many things - Of my former life...

The adjustments I've made - Perhaps create this spasms of tears...

Oh Please Lord, let me have my Daddy for at least the next 30 years

Or else -

Let it Be

Let it Be

My "Time" not His

Next.

-Amen

Happy Girl
I used to live ina darkened room

Had aface of stone

And a heart of gloom

Lost my hope,

I was so far gone

Cryin' all my tears

With the curtains drawn

I didn't know until my soul broke free

I've got these angels watching over me

CHORUS

Oh watch me goI'm a happy girl

Everybody knows

That the sweetest thing you'll ever see

In the whole wide world

Is a happy girl

I used to hide in a party crowd

Bottled up inside

Feeling so left out

Standing in a corner wearing concrete shoes

With my frozen smile

And my lighted fuse

Now every time I start to feel like thatI roll out my heart like a welcome mat

REPEAT CHORUS

Laugh when I feel like it

Cry when I feel like it

That's just how my life is

That's how it goes

Oh watch me go

I'm a happy girl

And I've come to know

That the world won't change

Just 'cause I complain

Let the axis twirl

I'm a happy girl

REPEAT CHORUS

Oh, yeah Oh, yeahI'm a happy girl

-Martina McBride-

Okay it's Sunday and all that I am doing is HouseCleaning and it feels WONDERFUL!!! Why? Because this IS my home and I am slowly making payments on it. SLOWLY. LOL So every moment that I am here Feels like I am a flowering slowly/finally coming into it's bloom. After hibernating for like Forever.

Laundry and housecleaning. To make My Home Delightful warm and fun. Oh and the Anti-depressent I am on probably helps too ROFL TMI TMI TMI hahahaha

Hugs and Love,

CharleneAnn

As the sun sets I am going to take my pooch for a walk. There are horses nearby on our walk which I have befriended. Horsey1 and Horsey2 LOL Very cute and BIG. White and black and sooooooooo soft. And the walk ends on the ocean and I get to watch the BC Ferries come in and go out. Delightful walk. Dog is very spoiled and we walked for 3 HOURS yesterday. Leaves on the ground very soggy, no crunch HAH. But I'd rather have rain then SNOW!!!!!

Just thought that I would check in with you - Have not sent you an email in a bit - First off, had a job - Lost a job LOL Let me see if I can find the webpage for the job I had - www.ncogroup.com
http://www.ncogroup.com I think that's it...

Well let me tell you about this job - Start time? 5 a.m. Wage 8$/hour Yeeehaw Barely paid my gas to get there - But like I said "My Dad just wants me to have a job." So I took a job WHATEVER it was - -

You are trained for 30 days - Oh wait what is the job in the end? I am the person that you call to activate your T-Mobile cell phone - So we are a Canadian company that activates Americans' cell phones for them. Great huh? So for 30 days you are in training to be on the phones live - Once you are on the phones - EVERY phone call is listened to OUCH And if you "swear" on the phone live? Automatic suspension.

Well I have heavy periods so rather than - Okay you get the picture I am sure - Plus I am nauseated during my cycle to the level of Projectile vomiting. So I opted to stay home. So you get a point if you miss a day. 1/2 a point if you are late in the morning or returning from your coffee breaks. And you have to beep in with a tag around your neck whenever you enter any room within their building. Which I thought was hilarious. So I would just wait until someone else would come along and say I misplaced my tag HAHAHA I despise BigBrother...

Well automatic suspension if you fail a test - Which you get 30 of (yes, 1/day) I made it to the 7th test Then whambo bambo Yeeehaw

Oh the instructors (2) were different... They could make off-color jokes but I couldn't... Oh the other thing if we were late back from our coffee/lunch breaks we could either bring candy for the group or dance... So I was late once so I danced... I did the PeeWee Herman dance and sang "White Girls Can't Dance" and made up the lyrics as I went along Everyone applauded when I was done.

Oh one of the instructors - Jennifer - is a Military dude's wife - They were stationed in Newfoundland once upon a time which she brought back with her a VERY bad accent and besides that? She has a horrible overbite so she lisps Try understanding that combo OMG? I couldn't for the life of me I REALLY TRIED and so I was constantly saying Could you repeat that? Or slower, please.

Which the other instructor Casie (who is all of 20) would DRAMATICALLY and VERY LOUDLY sigh, repeating Jennifer's statement. So that reinforcement I would promptly shut up and yep, "fall behind"

Oh when you were reprimanded (I felt like I had walked into pre-school world) you would be asked by Jennifer to "Come into the office, please." I would laugh and say, "Is there an offer here of me declining that?" Then Jennifer would suck on her upper teeth and say, "I would write you up for Unprofessionalism AND THAT WOULD STAY ON YOUR RECORD FOREVER." I felt like laughing but followed her into the office.

I was one of the 4 oldest in the class - Average age 21 - And was promptly called OLD on the first day. Which set me the wrong way. I have never been called OLD before. So that shocked, freaked, hurt my feelings drastically.

Okay need your feedback Darling. Miss you muchly, love you lots.

Oh and the other thing? If you missed a day - You HAD to make it up WITHOUT PAY on your day off. And 4 hours missed = a Full Day to make up. WITHOUT PAY.

Okay sorry had to vent. Write back, will be watching for your reply.

Just Me Blue.

Oh other news? I have placed an ad (I think I told you this?) Or it was YOUR idea and I followed up on it - On both Used Nanaimo AND Used Victoria as a Typist and I have an interview Tomorrow To do some typing for a guy - He carries around a briefcase of business cards and wants to have ALL of the business cards information put onto his blackberry. So I have an interview with him.

Oh I have my suspicions that Jennifer booted me out of the class IMMEDIATELY as I told everyone in the morning coffee break that I had a job interview tomorrow and it's contract so I can basically write the price. I think out of JEALOUSY that she is "stuck" into her life MISERABLE that it is - Making a set wage FOREVER. That she yanked me into the "room." Okay feedback?

Ciao for now.