Depression
Is a varied and very wired, if not out-right Wierd "thing"
You never know when it is going to hit you - - - > HARD
Never lightly.
Like right, now, this IMMEDIATE moment, I can
Feel my Tears.
Right
There.
Just inside, wanting SCREAMING NEEDING!!!
To burst free.
Thoughts of my despair are of my Daddy and he is rejecting me? Still?
Yes, I return to the 3 year old child, of whom you walked from, Daddy.
Whatever did I do?
For you to now, reject me? So outright in every avenue? E-mail, fax, cell phone, yadda yadda yadda.
Is it because I am not the "Perfect" Daughter you so think that you Ought to hve sired? From your Golden loins?
Or is it that you only wanted a Son?
Is it, Dear Daddy, that I don't have a Penis, that you reject me?
What is the Reason?
Truly?
Don't I deserve to know?
Truly??
The Not Knowing Why is much worse; your last words to me, back in February, in your alcohol-induced bravery, were - - - > youFATlazyWHORE!!!
Yet noone else, but my 'other' Father-figure, step-father, Sam, ever said such words, to me.
Why do My Father-figures reject ME SO???
mY Despair Ridden thoughts run over and over...

I fell asleep tonight, like VERY VERY early and I kept on having the VERY SAME dream over and over... Here goes...

I was walkng along the Ocean (which works as I live along the Pacific Ocean) with my Dalmatian, Bandit. Which, yes, again works as YES, I do have a Dalmatian and Yes... His name is Bandit...

We were walking along... I was every now and then, skipping stones along the calm water of the ocean... When we rounded a bend in the path...

There was a fire at a farm. People were rushing about and a woman appeared, in turn of the century nightclothes... Pressing to me, five youngs boys (perhaps the oldest was ten???) All of variety of curly hair, and all looking up at me... For guidance??? For me to say YES??? OKAY???

She was quite persistent... "Please, please, TAKECAREOFMYBOYS."

Then... All of a sudden/MIRACULIOUSLY??? "She" was "gone".

It started to rain, and the fire, began to mist/dissipate...

I bent down, and stroked one of the boy's hair, saying, "Shhhhhhh, shhhhhhhhhhh, YOUAREOKAYNOW..."

Then the dream skipped to my home and the 5 boys were tucked into my bed, drinking cocoa and smiling up at me. I tucked them in, again, assuring them that they WERE OKAY.

The dream ended there...

INTERPRETATION???????????????????