Dear Aunty -
Thank you very much for your letter. It was a pleasant surprise to the start of the New Year of 2008.
Matthew will be Mr. clan “teacher soon – Yikes LOL Wow – Wish I could sit in the back of the room and raz him unmercifully on his first day, if not first week. **BIG GRIN**
And Cameron – What can I say there? I really think the boy is Adopted HAH Found in a cornfield somewhere, right? A 2nd what? Dr. clan in the bunch. Wow, and I think you said he was in Emergency this past summer? Well all I can say there is Winnipeg has it's own Dr. McDreamy in the making... Still waiting for my Red Car – a Mrs. Cameron clan would have been a welcome addition to the family LAST summer HAH
My news? I am just writing to say that I will no longer be accepting letters from anything clan – For how long? As long as it is best for me and my personal wellbeing and health, which is looking like forever, basis being my Counsellor and myself. Or visits, or phone communications or whatnot. Although, & I am sad to say, I could count on ONE hand the communications MY way, to MY PERSONAL number in 20 years. I will take credit, only so much. And then walk. Remove my expectations of anyone clan. And I won't extend myself either.
I will miss you forever and what I will forever call “The Boys – But it is best for me and my personal well being. To walk away COMPLETELY.
Dan has distanced himself from me, and I am owning up to it being allot of my fault. Waited too long for counselling and the damage was done – There are a million of a reasons why Dan and I experienced our final break – I have not talked or seen my biological male parent since February 2007, after horrible words burst forth from his lips.
Which made me seek INTENSE counselling for the last year. Which has taught me that distance is best for me, too. I am changing my name, right now trying to figure out how it can be financed by the Government and Mental Health Services. My counsellor is working on that with me.
In all honesty, I just wanted one clan to stop ONCE in Vancouver to visit me when ONE clan flew out to Dan's home. As the Lower Mainland was enroute to Vancouver Island. But no Not once. I have forgiven all of you. Why visit a Niece? Cousin? Etc Etc when you could have a Much Better time in many ways at Dan's place. Financially especially. The meals would not be as expensive nor would the accomendations be as fantastic either. Yeah Don't visit the Poor Relation, when you can IMMEDIATELY visit riches LOL.
I reached out to every clan so many times. Calling, inviting and always I had to visit AT DAN'S place. It never made sense to me logically. But through the intense counselling I have experienced in the last year, I have forgiven the Lot of you for NEVER visiting me. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. Like this time, Big Time.
Your very last line of your letter made me feel that I could be honest with you. I have along time ago said goodbye to Uncle John. Through counselling. Lots of hours. It has made me re-evaluate everything, question all that has gone before re clan. And see what it is EXACTLY that MOI needs.
I require people in my life that I communicate with and visit, and they visit me and share things, JOYFULLY and what not. More than once/year and at a designated place, by others, I always was proud of my homes, and I am very proud of my home NOW and that is why I am going to protect it by inviting people that are of equal EMOTIONAL stance as me, for them.
This is basically a letter stating that I loved you and The Boys as the best of the clan But please understand, I have to choose to do what's good for me, Aunty. I hope you will find it in your heart to grant me this decision.
No this is not a Cry for Help. Quite the opposite I am at a Strength that I have not felt since I was 20 and I (stress on the I) decided that I WANTED to move to B.C. And start another adventure/chapter in my life.
Dan has his “Perfect” family now – I just detract from it. I will bet you if you asked him Name 5 things about Moi – He probably could not. Other than the superficial things. Obvious first glance things. Deeper things? Nope. I will take only so much credit for besmirching the “relationship – I never really forgave him for leaving me to such a cruel, barbaric home. Daddy's are supposed to take care of their little girl's, aren't they? That is a wound I will carry. Could he overcome such a hurdle? I can't see it. Nor can I forgive him for his words said the last time we were together. Nope, can't see it.
I've reached out to Dan recently after not talking for what? Almost a year, and his response? I don't know when I will have time for you Char. Then went onto state that step-sister Chelsea blah... blah... blah.., but he could NOT visit his blood daughter whom he drives by to go to work. I am walking. You somewhat have the story, incomplete, be it that it is.
I love every family member of this clan there is. But I just never “got” y'all. And yep, never felt “included” so I no longer have the desire to want to, or rather have the need to.
Yes, no longer the expectation of “One Day a relative will drive up to my Home ON THEIR OWN and be ecstatic to see Me. Without the Dan background. I so FREAKING more than Dan's DAUGHTER sheesh I never felt acknowledged as my own Separate person, around any of you. I was just ONE DIMENSIONAL – MUST be experienced ONLY at Dan's.
Best of luck to you and I know The Boys will rock the world. Why not? Look who their parents are. Hahahahahaha
Respect my wishes and do not forward this to Dan. It all has been discussed with him, name change and distancing and my health etc etc Mutual agreement, all.
Ms. C
