Dear Daddy -

I have been wanting to write to you for a LOOOOONG time probably since you left when I was 3? 4?

I was the typical child, who thought, and still do, that it was my fault that you left. That there was something wrong with ME that you left.

Was that thought ever corrected?? No.

Our relationship has always been sporadic, chaotic, disaster.

Why? That is the question, now isn't it.

Today I am so much regard for you, that you ask me where I would like to go for dinner for my birthday - And you promptly drive somewhere else.

You buy me a Tshirt when you visit Barbados and yet you "forget" it at home. Never to present me with it.

Yet you buy my step-sister whatever she desires for her birthday. Yet I should be the Adult about all of "that" - Of course.

Sorry, I, where you are concerned, forever will be the lost little girl of 4? 3? Where YOU are concerned. Yep.

Have you ever hugged me, without, cringing?

Have you ever entered my home, without stepping forth, with a verbal putdown? No.

Do you love me? Do you? Have you ever? Or am I just a broken-condom made baby? Forcing you to marry my Mother and I have to pay for the sins of the Parents? Within the backseat of a '57 Ford? In back of a Dancehall? After the 3rd dance? WTF would I need to have to have been told all of those details? In one of your many drunken stupors? WHY?

You promised me braces once, I went had them put-on, and when I went for them to be tightened and checked, I was told you had stopped payments on your cheques? So instead of tightening, I had them ripped off, with looks of pity???? From all of those present?

You bought me a car and it was a fucking stationwagon WITH fucking panelling and let me put forth - Chelsea, my "beloved" stepsister gets MY grandmother's car - With you explaining to my family, why I did not - There were outstanding payments on it - Give me a fucking break it was a 10 year old Honda for fuck's sake.

I find it ironic that you had testicular cancer. After the wicked step-mother had so obviously swallowed your other ball. You were always such a strong, opinionated Man. So free, true to yourself, and your love of others. Now? You can't even spend "time" with your ONLY daughter. Begotten by a broken condom, at 19, sure. But I AM YOURS. And your ONLY off-spring.

I get a forgotten tshirt, for my birthday, everyone else with the same surname gets a cheque. Do you worry that I have food in the fridge? No you just forget the damn tshirt.

I put you on a pedastal sure, but after many drunken parties and whatnot you have fallen so far I can't remember YOU.

Where is your backbone? Original thought? Where have you gone Father? Since you married "HER" - This is your life - Buying, travelling, dressing EXACTLY like her BLAH. OMFG. Cloned? I think you are one of those pod people.

I am going to send you a fax next week and say goodbye. What will I miss not having you "in" my life? The disappointments forthcoming? The hurts? Forthcoming? I need to grab me before I commit suicide over my brokenheartedness of my rejectiveness (is that a word?) of my Beloved Father.

There are many other things - Sure I have transgressed too - But I tried I really did. Where even the Wicked StepMother was concerned.

Let's see - What would you like for Xmas? This would be good? How do you like this??? INSTEAD? I fucking hate it, but I held my tongue. Well the tongue is no longer silent. What AM I losing really? Another fucking tshirt? A purse? Wow that took allot of effort - That present ROFL

Empty of course.

Do I just want your cash? Sure. You weaned me of your cash. My 20's when you and I could not be together - A cheque shortly arrived. So I got VERY fast used to that lifestyle. But now The Witch makes sure I am the Forgotten One.

So in turn, you have become my Forgotten One. GoodBye "FATHER"

What a fucking loss.

Not.

I will never understand how you hate me so. How you cringe when I am near. Well enough. Oh I am rambling.

Pffffffffffffffffffffft - Time to purge, puke, and remove myself further from YOU.

People have told me that perhaps it is because I quit University, on your dime, and you have never forgiven me for that and choosing a Man instead of Education.

Get over it. Your daughter was happy then. I tossed him away, for a chance for a relationship WITH my Father.

Stupid.

Stupid.

Stupid.

Both of us.

Right.

Goodbye.

You have your Perfect little family. The stepdaughter who dances your requested tune, not an original thought in her brain. As long as she does the CORRECT dance - 20 presents AND cash are hers. YOUR cash.

Does it feel great to be a Multimillionaire Father? With a daughter that you treat like shit? I can only take so much of the "blame" before it reverts back to YOU.

Your wife. Is a Joke. Fucking ugly, uncaring whore.

Let me regress once, this blog; Hey do you love my Daddy? Since you are marrying him next week?

LAUGHTER - Of course NOT - It's is money I desire.

SHOCKED I WAS.

I have never married. And have been asked many times. Why not? Scared to have kids and have to introduce "them" to The Family of FUCKUPS.

If I am to be truthful. Now I sit here and cry. Over having never married and missing the closeness I threw away because of Fears

Created by having you as

MY

FATHER.

Enjoy your Millions. Minus a Daughter.

FUCKED UP FATHER DENTIST FREAK

making me sad, confused and scared to FALL COMPLETELY IN LOVE

Well no more - I hope it's not too late

FOR

ME

To become WHOLE

at

Last.

I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE TY PENNINGTON

Videos of Merit
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvzAQNAOQPs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDO5-tthch8&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XddXileQ-uI&feature=related



HAHAHAHA I am soooooooooooooooooooooo hyper just like Ty - Him and I as hosts? Would be soooooo bad LOL But I would love a day with him as CO HOST would SOOOOO love that "Dear Oprah, My greatest wish is to co-host with Ty Pennington for a Day - ZERO script LOL"

p.s. IF Ty and I had a boy child he would be SUPERMAN because of his HYPERACTIVITY he would be able to leap over tall buildings in a single jump LOL

Okay Ty you ever make it to VANCOUVER ISLAND CANADA helllllooooo TYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

My Dream of Last Night
Warning: Makes Zero Sense

Okay I was on a lift - Like the kind on a firetruck, at the end of the ladder? That lift? But it was lowered and there were a crowd of people around - At an outdoor concert, as I focused "in" on the dream.

I was on the lift, and the concert was rockin' - I glanced at the stage and it was Bryan Adams - Singin' "Take Me Back"

I had looooong, curly wavy hair, brunette, and yep, hoop earrings on and was wearing a toga/white, with a gold sash. Why? WHO KNOWS LOL

Bryan was just'a rockin' and I was lettin' people onto the lift, when I went to sit down (for some reason there was a "bench" on this lift (guess it was a BIGGER lift HAH) I went to sit down and all of a sudden there was a lap, I was sittin' on!!!

And as I sat down, a hand brushed my hair away, and kissed me just below my ear. (Okay yes, my ALL-TIME favourite touch, to begin EVERYTHING and ANYTHING!!!!) I glanced over my right shoulder and it was...

JASON ANDERSON - OMG?

Who is Jason Anderson to me?

I have not seen this lad since I was 16 and Randy - Like XX years ago???

Here is my outstanding MEMORY of Jason Anderson.

I was the typical 17 year old of the '80's. I dressed like Cyndi Lauper but with Cyndi Crawford hair (At least I thought so **GRIN**)

Well Jason Anderson was my Brother's pal - My brother being 4 years younger was DEFINITELY not in my Social Hemisphere LOL

But - Jason had started school late, and was held back one year so he was 2 years older than my Bro BUT in the same grade. Figure that one out HAHAHAH

Background on Jason Anderson - Young CLONE of Brad Pitt/Matt Damon put them together you get Jason. But he was **FIFTEEN** Shit, not even driving yet LOL Like I said NOT in MY social Hemisphere **GRIN**

This one day, I am sure it was a Saturday... For some UNKNOWN reason...

I was in glory as I had a date with Jim that night (Man I ended up living with as an adult, but NEVER marrying Figure that one out LOL) and so I was rushing around the house Having to "look" perfect for My Jimmy.

Which made ZERO sense as a date was usually either a country dance or a movie and always ending up driving somewhere and making out LOL So "looks" did not REALLY count? Sheeeeesh could have been wearing a potato sack HAH

Back to Jason and my memory of him - -

I was rushing around, and Jason was on the couch, captivated??? At least watching the crazy sister of his pal HAHAHAHA Getting ready for a date.

I was, even then, doing everything at WARPED speed.

So I asked Jason if he would like to be my Attire Critique, for my date that night. He said SURE!!! I tried on like 5 outfits and he okayed the one.

Then came the makeup - Even then I had a Makeup Suitcase LOL So I hauled that out and asked if he would like to help me with my Makeup too.

I really did not understand male hormones at 15 - I had always dated men older; meaning already out of High School NEVER in high school. BLAH. So Jason was like, to me, at least, another bothersome BROTHER!!!!

So I sat down beside him, made myself very comfortable, by putting his legs on either side of me, him facing me and me facing forward. Placing the Makeup Suitcase on my lap, with my legs over his right one.

Then I began the makeup ritual, with his feedback on every placement/colour of the makeup.

By the time I got to my lipstick/lipgloss placement, we were both literally panting. I was teasing him, Strawberry? Or Raspberry? Or Cherry? Hmmmmmm?

I REALLY did not take what I was doing seriously - He was like a puppy to me. Fun to play with, but take for a walk? OUTSIDE? OMG no. LOL I loved the Big Dogs.

I remember him asking me to Kiss him. He was so innocent that he told me He had never french kissed before and he would like me to teach him.

Now looking back Hmmmmmm... Very good line there Jason LOL

I never kissed him, I remember leaning ahead and watching his eyes change a deeper colour and then the doorbell rang and...

I heard my brother Chris, greeting Jim and me bounding off of Jason and wiggling in delight at seeing him.

Yah Jim got very lucky that night LOL

Jason? Last I heard married the first girl that he kissed. French kissed??? And has 3 kids. Which I am sure are shockingly good looking. All girls, if I remember correctly.

Well IF I met Jason again AND IF he were single. I would sure plant one on him NOW lol

Like as IF

But Jason Anderson, formerly of the high school WCI, IF you are single, and if you would like to share a kiss - HELLLLLLOOOOO

Only 20 years OVERDUE hahahahaha

http://www.everydayhero.com.au/event/EarthHour
Hey, I just signed up to the new Earth Hour website for 2008 and I thought you might like to take a look and possibly sign up too. Earth Hour is on 29 March 2008 at 8pm, and it looks like it's going to be really big. So far, as well as Sydney, there'll also be Adelaide, Atlanta, Bangkok, Brisbane, Canberra, Chicago, Christchurch, Copenhagen, Dublin, Manila, Melbourne, Montreal, Odense, Ottawa, Perth, Phoenix, San Francisco, Suva, Tel Aviv, Toronto and Vancouver all turning off their lights for an hour in the name of fighting global warming. And I'm sure there'll be more cities by March. Sign up for Earth Hour with me by visiting http://www.earthhou r.org/user/ iF2C and join the movement.

Hello -

I wanted to take this time to share - What I have been doing in my "Little" Garden - I live in a Trailer (No trailer/trash jokes GRRRRRRRRRRRR) I have a full yard and a small bit of grass in the front of my trailer.

So what I did last weekend was to rip out my front grass - It was yellowed with age and neglect, so no real great loss. I bought organic outdoor plant soil to aid in my "new" garden - I have planted what I call my Rainbow Gladiolas (many bulbs of colours) and then I alternated with pansies/varying shades of Blues and Purples.

White pansy at the base of a tree and I ripped out in the flowerbed, again in the front of my trailer, the over-flowing ivy. Bye Bye Ivy :) That took all of Saturday and again, shades of Blues or Purples of Pansies. And heather at one end.

I bought a large very cute sign/plaque with a, you guessed it, a PURPLE gecko on it with the words; Any day in the Garden is a Good day. That is hanging in the middle of the flower bed.

Friend donated solar lamps to my endeavors and another friend made the rock Olympic mascot - Know the one I mean? for my garden, mini size of course LOL

And I found another flowerbed box, wooden at a garage sale (LOOOOOVE garage sales for Garden "stuff") and painted it florescent pink and mauve and put a swinging WELCOME sign into it and yes, more purple/blue pansies.

On my very small footpath, I put BRIGHT yellow tiles and a wooden angel, variety of colours.

I can't wait until my gladiolas burst forth. But I was sooooooooooooo happy removing the yellowed SAD grass.

Yes that was my weekend of gardening!!!

Charlene
Waving Hello to other Canadian Gardeners, from Vancouver Island!!!