Hi Dad - -

I just thought I would write to you and tell you many things.

Firstly, I love you Dad. I always have and I would like to take this time to apologize for all of the hurts that I have caused you.

I am ready to have a relationship with you.

Let's play catch-up, shall we? I have done extensive counselling for the summer. And I have come to many conclusions where you are concerned.

Mainly I never forgave you for not saving me/removing me from the abuse I suffered growing up. But I have forgiven you. Via writing it down on a piece of paper, burning it, and tossing it into the ocean. Living so near to the ocean is great for such self-healing rituals!!!

Also I always thought I was never "good enough" for you because I arrived so broken to your doorstep. I was so NOT what you wanted for a Daughter. Where I got such a thought - I don't know - You've never verbalized such a thing ever, but it was my thought whenever I stood near you.

Dad, I would like you to be in my world, and I would like to get to know my Dad. What he likes. How he likes his coffee, etc etc. And I would like him to get to know his daughter.

Let us continue the game of catch-up. I have done allot of renovating to my home.

Currently I am working on the exterior mainly. I have put in 3 gardens - 1 in front and 2 in the back. The one in the front is a rock garden to work from the rock wall that was always there. I have taken many walks to the ocean and picked up rocks there - - and that was great fun, actually.

The 2 gardens in back are a floral garden and a vegetable garden. The vegetable garden is all but finished, but the potatoes are still coming in. Which is great for fries, hash browns etc etc Poutine LOL

The interior I have painted the walls thru out - - a variety of colours (of course) and I have (myself!!) ripped out the carpenting. From every room. I felt every muscle in my shoulders when I did that job. UGH. But it is done and when I have more $$$ saved up, next spring, I am wanting to put in linoleum from end to end. Just not sure what "look" yet. Stone looking is what I am thinking.

The bathroom I painted bright blue and like the colour of the bright blue sea. I think it looks awesome and I have mosaic'd it. Mermaids are around too and seashells. Great for relaxing in the tub, gazing into the skylight, watching the clouds rush by. That is my favourite room, always.

I would like to have you be a part of my life Dad and I yours. I have released the anger of mine, where you are concerned.

One thing tho, I have never lied to you.

Oh and one other thing about me I would like to share with you? I am starting University in the Fall - - like weeks from now AHHHHH V.I.U. I am taking B.F.A. with a Minor in Visual Arts and I am doing this thru a Grant. I won a grant. I applied for Grants rather than submerge myself into a bottomless pitt of a student loan and I surprised myself by winning one. Is winning the right word? Wait, receiving one, yeah.

I have submerged myself into the artworld of this town. It is such a rich city for Art. I love it. You never commented on my banners? But I will do banners as long as that program is around. I love the slowness of the creation of the banners. And the "neatness" of seeing my finished product "blowing in the wind".

My grant is for part-time study only so that will be only 2 classes. This term and next. The 2 classes that I will be taking is Sculpture/Clay and Drawing/Free Hand. I have met my instructors - - For the clay/sculpture is Scott Leaf - another Icelander **SMILE** Him and I hit it off immediately and it helps he is HOTTTTTT and has a warped sense of humour HAH He has a show of his sculpture up at the University Art Gallery from August 28 - October 3rd if you want to check out his abilities.

My drawing instructor is Greg and he is just a lil' guy/height-wise - - All of a 100 pounds I think? But great energy and LOVES art - - I had to present a portfolio of my art - - 10 pieces to get admitted into the program and he accepted me - - along with Scott wandering in - during my presentation HAH I was like ohgawd - - But handled it - - I presented my photography/collages, paper mache work and a few of my paintings and my banners/links online. I did not eat anything before and presented during the heatwave we had so was worried about the paintings but they weathered the heat.

I have always felt inadequate around you Dad. That you "wished" you could throw me back because I was soooooo Imperfect. That I came out disfigured/clubfoot etc etc Could not ski and whatnot and I am sorry that I have never before this, really given you a chance to "be" my Dad or me to be your Daughter.

I have enjoyed moving to this town and I miss the fact that you are not in this transition stage of my life. I would like you to be.

I miss your smile Dad. I miss you.

I would like to continue from this day forward/this NOW as having a Dad that visits me and calls me and wants to visit his kid.

I would like that allot.

Oh there are many other things I would like to share with you and I would love to talk to you soon.

Or see you. I have a clunker car that I could drive and meet you for a coffee or a walk to wherever. Or wherever. I will be bringing a new puppy along that I would love for you to meet.

Hey the house is still standing. I am sure you are surprised (Okay that was bad attempt at sarcastic humour HAH)

Hope you are well Dad. I am. I like my life finally and I would like to share that with you.

I am finishing the Degree that I started what? A million years ago? HAH The goal is to be an Art Therapist at the end. I think I have the credentials to be a Therapist LOL Sat on the other side of the desk/layed on the couch enough. HAH

Well that is just a gist of my news. I am writing this to say Hello - I hope it is reciprocated.

Or just drive by and checkout the trailer.

My classes are Mondays and Fridays and I work nights at the 24Hours Fitness Club - Which is perfect for me - As I am a long-time insomniac so the shift works for me.

I hope you read this and my I AM SORRY has come thru. But mainly I wrote this for me, to know I have apologized/attempted to - To the person/1 person on this planet I love above all others.

I do love ya Dad. I do.

Okay it is almost time for me to take the puppy down to the ocean past Living Forest for rock picking/doggy walk time - - And then more gardening - - Hopefully the weather today co-operates.

This is sent with hope that there is still room in your heart for

Me.

My heart has always been Yours.

Love you,

Charlene Ann.