Why She is My Best Friend... 

Her Latest Advice - Re - DJ: 

First --take a breath. Second --realize that you're living a lot in your head right now regarding him, making all kinds of assumptions, full of hopes, smiling over memories --wrap these together and they still don't make the meet-in-person guy you think (even with 3 hour phone calls!!!). Third, from the pic, I'd say he's settled; if so, then chill, he just wants a visit. Fourth, very likely tech troubles --shoot, happens a lot. Fifth, if he wants to get a hold of you, and you've given him more than one method by which to do that, then he will. Sixth don't make someone a priority who makes you an option. --live by my credo: Seventh --decide for yourself first what or if you want anything --relationship-wise --okay? Declare it first (read that as FIRST) for yourself... By what you've mentioned of him, he doesn't sound like he's a very good match. Eighth (yes, I thought of an 8th), you're feeling flattered right now by a past interest, and especially so because you're lonely and have had a lot of crap recently. Know that you are vulnerable...know that about yourself. And then be okay with that. Soak it up. That's good. But don't get carried away. Just be flattered --that's cool. Ninth --Do not wait for him, do not wait in any sense, until there is confirmation he's arriving at all. Tenth -- get on with your life. Hugs. ...You asked... :)

"DJ" 

I made the attached photo blurry as 

I am having trouble believin'

in 

You. 

You stated that you were visitin' 

Me. 

Yet zero communication and what-not

I talk to others and they say, at best, 

"You shall see." 

Well you are supposed to arrive either tomorrow or the latest the next day... 

To spend the summer with me. 

Yet your reasons of no communication of late (2 weeks, but who is counting LOL) 

is room-mate's computer has crashed... 

Yet you have my telephone number? 

His telephone has crashed as well? 

Well 

when I get worried and confused 

and whatnot... 

I houseclean

So you 

IF 

you 

arrive will see a spotless home!!! 

Surprise me and 

Arrive. 

Actually be a Man of your 

Word. 

A rarity in this day and age. 

-charann 

Well since I do not know "really" if you are visiting or you were just telling me lies...

The eternal optimist/positive side of me thinks this scenario:
On the 29th, I will go about my day thinking, "See this is just another day, my world is not about to change, by having someone arrive, meaning DJ. He did not arrive yesterday and thus, he is not showing up today."
So I go about my day, boxing up stuff and wearing jeans and puttering about my house, enjoying coffee and whatnot. Music loud and enjoying Bon Jovi music (when I am blue, Bon Jovi sets the mood).
Due to the loudness of the music, the soundtrack Young Guns, I do not hear the knock at the door, which I never lock anyways, when I am home.
There is a tap on my shoulder and as I turn to see why, I hear, "See? I kept my word and I brought gifts, some things I thought you would like."
I stare at you, not believing, and you finally smile, after traveling for hours, "Now where's that kiss, don'cha think I've waited long enough?"
I laugh and step forward... This is 80% of me...

The pessimist/10% side of me thinks:
"It's just another day, the 29th, as well as the 28th, and life will continue as before and you have chosen T. again." Which makes sense really - She is known, you have history and children etc etc Me? I am known for what? Puppy love and high school?

Then the childish side of me thinks, your flight will be delayed, your taxi arrives, it is raining and somehow you arrive, bursting with energy and giddy and the joy of something new/unknown chosen (Me and B.C.) and you step out of the cab, and I rush into your arms and laugh, and say, "You are here and I can't believe it. You have made someone very happy today and I hope you are happy with your choice and me kissing you finally."

The taxi driver interrupts our endless kiss, "With hey buddy? 20$??"

Just the lack of communication lately hahahaha Is he arriving or not? Just promises, or what? But I am going with my friend, Shawn, he and I talk allot, (he's just an online friend) and I've told him about you and everything and he is a practicing Buddhist and he just says, "Breathe, and let what be, be."

So DJ I would be ecstatic IF you chose to visit B.C. and just show up and choose me - But I understand you have "roots" in Ontario... Just wish you would let me know IF you were arriving but then again, the SURPRISE element would be gone HAH So I am not sure, which is the BEST way? My knowing and waiting and being the tense female waiting at the harbour, as the lil' float plane lands or the un-knowing, wondering female sitting at home, thinking, He chose "SAFE" and "KNOWN" and that is no surprise really?

So I will listen to Shawn (actually he is not totally unknown - he went to our shared high school too and grad with me - - he is one of the family of ...) "What will be, be." Simple and to the point.

Just would be happier knowing perhaps HAH

Oh and my phone still works by the way - does yours? You keep on mentioning that your room-mates computer has crashed - His phone too? No phone calls either? 250- is me... To use when you land on Vancouver Island is fine too hahahah Or just give the taxi driver the address ... Drive is me.

I foolishly went to the mailbox thinking DJ has chosen to write to me - Nope no card/note nothing...

Have a great day, I am spending mine today with a girlfriend, Helen, and she is fun. We are taking pictures of my art and going to mass merchandise it (always looking for the next million via the Net lol) so perhaps you would like to BUY Original CharArt? LOL www.zazzle.com or go to the web page of www.zazzle.com and search char or c and you can buy my artwork... cool, eh?

Or you could buy 2 plane tickets and make the artist extremely happy and meet her this month. Your choice.

Phone me lol hahahaha This zero communication bites.

Okay I've written enough...

The pessimist side of me, is making the optimist side of me feel foolish for sending this communication. Surprise me DJ, be a man of your word. And we would have a summer of fantastic memories. That I can promise you. 

Calling is good too. 

 

Author: Charlene

Lust... 

The best line ever that I have ever read about Lust... 

I found within the book Witchling by Yasmine Galenorn

"Shut up and come upstairs, and fuck me until we shake the stars out of the sky."

-charann

My Dream of Last Night... 

I walked onto my deck, wooden, to sit at a small, round table, metal, with just 2 chairs, with a letter in my hand, 

It is breezy, and I brush back my hair, blowing softly across my face, because of the breeze.

I set the letter down on the small table, with a candle to hold it from blowing away. 

There is a pot-belly stove to keep the deck and me, warm, on the far right corner of the deck.

I lean over the deck and watch a car drive away. 

It is a grey car, from like 1953 - - y'know like something Humphrey Bogart would drive? 

Those old "Tank" cars, bulky and grey? 

It drives down my driveway 

and I turn away to read my letter and notice that it is blowing away in the breeze. 

I never get to read the note... 

I watch it blow away in the wind.

INTERPRETATION? 

I Sit Here 

Eyes wide shut and dreamin' 

Wonderin' IF I should believe your words, 

your promises

Of coming to visit 

Everyone in my direct world 

says when was life ever a Movie? 

I want to believe 

I strive to 

Yet 

... 

Prove them 

wrong 

Please... 

-charann 

W

Well, Well 

Let me tell you a story - 

Of a young lass 

She was quite a late-bloomer 

and the man pictured here 

When last known, was but 15 to her 14... 

He would smile down at her and say, everytime they were alone together, 

"C'mon beauty, kiss me, I know YOU want to..." 

She would smile up at him, and run far away from him, everytime, 

with a giggle and a toss of her hair, and of course, a backwards glance.

She chose another, 

a boy that lived in their same hometown. 

The chosen one was reserved, and not so blunt about the kissin' thing. 

It ended in disaster and she always wondered about 

the male she never kissed. 

Well, well. 

Let me tell you a story. 

Facebook helps one to find/locate others from one's past 

and indeed she "found" him. 

The boy she never kissed. 

Or 

Forgot. 

Let's call him Jay. 

Now they talk every night. 

1000 minutes/night. 

Enligtening the other about one other's lives. 

Should she let him back into her life? 

He would be flying to see her. 

From central Canada to her beloved WestCoast. 

He promises to arrive in a few weeks - 

Should she believe. 

He says he wants to catch her now 

and kiss her soundly. 

And she is not running, this time. 

Will he fly out? 

Is he marvelous. 

Almost 20 years has passed. 

How much has changed? 

How much has stayed the same? 

Dare she believe? 

Dare she? 

Will he? 

Fly out? 

He keeps on saying he will. 

She has a hard time believing another. 

Especially a male. 

Hurt is what Male equaled to in her life 

in 20 years. 

Hmmmmmmmmmm... 

She is wondering, but not yet - 

Believing - 

A little voice insides 

Hopes. 

-charann

LOS ANGELES (Reuters Life!) - Oscar winner Anna Paquin came out as bisexual on Thursday in a video campaign for gay rights advocates, surprising the "True Blood" star's fans and causing the organization's web site to crash.

 Okay in all truth, in my 20's I dated a girl - exclusively - Let me call her Delilah since I have always obsessed over that name **giggle** Or rather wanted that to be MY name... 


I was courted by this girl at the end of my "love" let's call him Dick as in Head **evil grin** He had been my first - - Kiss, deep kiss/french kiss, first date, first late night phone call, first climbing out of the house, on a school night/must see HIM dude and first F----. 


Lasted from 14 to 29 and Delilah came into my world at the end of this "Love." She courted me and listened and helped me thru the tears of the Loss of my Love of My Life (or so I thought at the time). 


Delilah was beautiful. Portuguese and tanned all year long, loooooooooong flowing curls, and eyelashes that went on forever, and pouty lips that purred my name. 


She courted me with limosine rides to the park "Just Because", champagne picnics in the sunshine and shopping trips - All for me "Because I was going thru a rough time... 


But - When she said she wanted all of me I could not be The One for Her. I am straight and felt guitly that I abused the situation. But it was a boost. And I was flattered beyond anything or anyone before that entered my life and "liked" me. 


I felt Beautiful beside Delilah or rather her beauty rubbed off on me. She was saucy where I was shy, a vixen where I was a wallflower and a temptress when I was tempted. 


My decision was that I had seen "how" the world treated Gays/Lesbians/Queers/Fags/Dykes... etc etc And stayed on my side of the closet - The straight, but confused, side. 


Would I say I am bisexual? I "know" a beautiful woman when I see one. I would rather draw the female art form in class - I create out of clay the female form only. Lovingly creating breasts and the pubis bone - Does that make me Bi? 


No I love/lust/desire the thrust of a Penis. Near me, poking my thigh, moving in and out and thrusting... That makes me moan, if he's lucky or rather I am, scream. 


The last time I moaned a male's name? Ahhhhhhhhhhhh that is a whole other blog entry. 


Wow sipping wine and eating strawberries and whipping cream - - aprhodesiacs (sp?) for sure LOL 


Me.... 


It's been awhile LOL Single I am and NOT so enjoying it - - A blue eyed man always catches my eye - Then green hazel and teddy bear browns ... In that exact order... I enjoy the blue jean type of guy... Brought up in that atmosphere - Hard-working, dirty men that came home for a refreshing... 


Shower of a babe waiting... 


For... 


Alrighty then LOL