The letter I DID send to my Father, today, by REGISTERED MAIL - - >

- - to respond to this THAT IS only YOURS to answer - -

Dan - -

This letter/communication is looooooooong overdue.

I sent you a fax to request for you to visit with me, so we could have "this" as a talk rather than a letter - - not acknowledged/by you...

I have tons of things I feel the VERY much need to communicate with you - - and you alone.

Yes this WILL be a long rambling letter... I WILL SKILL ALL over the place... To address issues I have never had the gumption before to address. To you.

First off, have you ever loved me? I ask this as I have never outright asked you this. Blunt. But my most biggest question that I have always have of you. I ask this because you have never said so.

Do you want a relationship at all WITH ME? If yes, we have to have a talk. A BIG ONE.

No more sweeping past issues under the carpet, and walking, tiptoeing around the VERY obvious elephant under the carpet.

Is your view of me the fat, lazy whore? You never really answered Yes or no. When I did question you of this question.

Before I proceed, I would like to say Thank you for the Home. But I never thought you did it out of love. But as a SAVE FACE within the minute community of ours. As your much more preferred "Daughter" you had just "gifted" with a townhouse.

To you, a person ONLY has worth IF they are equal of your "social" standing. Money level. Your own Mother had very little "worth" therefore. I bse this on one of your statements (and this is after my BELOVED Grandmother's passing) I VERY PROUDLY SHOWED YOU Grandmother's pink dress, and your response? I remmeber distinctly; THAT DRESS WAS PROBABLY 2ND HAND, WHEN MOM BOUGHT IT." WTF????? I VERY happily shop 2ndHand - That Pink Dress was worn to Uncle Parker's wedding, no less.

I strongly believe that you have VERY low regard for me as a person or a human being. Which strikes me as not just hilarious, but fucking hilarious because the only human being's love and regard I have lived my life for is...

YOURS.

Yet - -

You have never ONCE invited me to the cabin. ??? Why is that???

Yet every other human being is invited and much so.

I never could understand the WHY? I take only so much "blame" for that. Then you have to explain why.

It goes back to Do you detest me? Do you??

You never hug me. When I hug you, you actually physically back away so... WHY?

Perhaps it is because, and I am basing it on "assumption" here, you have come to believe, I dislike or hate your wife. I do not hate or dislike Michelle. Never have. I "tolerate" her as I do not think (a) she loves you (b) she is "good" enough for you (c) her interests, at heart, stop at 2 people; Michelle first and foremost, and secondary, Chelsea.

One of the million of reaons that I am writing is to no longer have a fiasco of a birthday as I and Michelle have had to survive. Asking where I would like to go and going elsewhere. Why ask? Why did you? A purse for someone w/very little cash was a real DIG. Considerate too. Did you really buy me a Tshirt? Where is it?

I base my opinion of Michelle on my one daring question of her, "DO YOU LOVE MY FATHER?" The week before she married you, and her reply of LAUGHTER and "NO, I LOVE HIS MONEY."

Are the two of you now "in love"? By my definition? NO. I do not know your definition of LOVE. As having never have "FELT" it.

You said to me, in the chapel, at Grandma's funeral, THAT you wished it was me in there. "There" being the viewing room as I had just asked for your opinion IF you were goin "in" there... And THAT was YOUR reply. So... You do think that? Is that your truth? of Me? Your biological off-spring?

That was the SECOND time you mentioned to me YOU WISHED it WAS ME DEAD. Instead of the first (other) person. All of your Aunties came out to Grandma's to help her thru her grief and I was over too and on our way on the ferry and I remember on the ferry to Uncle Parker's funeral you turned and said to me, I WISH I WAS BURYING YOU.

Nice.

NOT.

SHIT.

Where is your ANGER of ME? Coming from? REALLY?

Buying me the Vaccuum FOR xMAS? You might as well have bought me a 6shooter. You knew the story of my upbringing and the vaccuum. Outright thoughtlessness = Dan.

Again = NICE = Not....

Did you go thru my trailer? That night of calling me those vile statement? What were you searching for? Can I have the taken items back? If you "found" them?

QUIT putting down Bandit. I love him.

Quit putting down Dave R------. He IS the only man I ever LOVED in this life. I would go back with him IMMEDIATELY. Respect him for being the man your Daughter LOVES. If Dave and I met again, I would be with him. My opinion of his is not yours. Never will be.

We need to have a TALK. You and I. I need, and want, to hear your truths.

I am NOT a weak person. I have many fantastic qualities. Get beyond your own limitations of people = money and you will discover you HAVE an AWESOME daughter.

It's up to you IF you want to know ME.

The difference between you and I is this - - > People MUST be allot of things to be "good enough" for you. Me? I value people as Uncle Parker said, "People just have to be."

You ARE MY DADDY and for that, YOU ARE AWESOME. That's it.

I always felt you never "FORGAVE" me for not finishing University. It was not for me. It was not throwing "YOU" away or your help...

Do we have something to salvage? I don't have an answer. Do we? We have to have "THE TALK", if so.

I detest being the unfortunate One. That has to change; BIG TIME.

But I will be fine with whatever you decision will be.

What you never got in your "impression" of me is this - - As you see only weakness. I have so many of, or rather, so much of your genetics; I have strength.

What you NEVER knew was I had a 2 day (full weekend) chat with my beloved Grandma 2 weeks before she passed. I said everything I ever wanted to ask her of her, of me, of you, of Uncle Parker - - > EVERYTHING. And she? Said as why you and I don't work? Too alike.

That got a WHATEVER GRANDMA hahaha

I AM VALUABLE. Treat me so. I am YOUR daughter. Respect me FOR that. No more 3rd place for me i.e. Michelle, Chelsea, Forgotten daughter/me... Forgotten? No more. No thanks.

Or else I am done. I can live with that. As well as I could live with a new beginning. WITH DAD.

Is it because Edith never aborted me and you "had to" marry her? You so innately DISLIKE ME?

I know of those twin boys in Edmonton - YOUR SONS. That woman never aborted them, either, right?

I am here. I am no longer paying for me being a backseat "mistake". At a country dance.

Or is it that you "VIEW" me as your one true failure "in" life? Should have stepped up to the plate, etc., etc.?

I've never blamed you for my upbringing and its shortcomings. Nope. You are MY FATHER. That's it. So get over "it".

I "blame" my Mother, if blame "needs" to go somewhere.

Also, I've always wondered why none of my Paternal family ever visited me at my home(s) in B.C.? Why always the visit was at 2186? Just found that curious too??

Do we have something? ? That is for you to answer. I think so.

Chelsea hates me, yes? Obvious even to me. My doing? Probably. I was too stoned/drunk etc. etc., to build a sister relationship. Back then. Too bad. My loss.

After this letter, others to 5 other people. Yours first. That was my downfall. Lived my life, entire, FOR YOU. i.e What would my DADDY think??? [of this] And was I ever in your hemisphere of thoughts? Ever?

Now you drive home from work and can't even drop by to check-in with your biological daughter. I found it hilarious I am starving, literally, but you reimburse "poor" Chelsea for ferry fees ROFL

Us?? You don't want to? Are my expectations too high to want a visit?

That IS the question.

Up to you, for that answer.

Oh the electronics I received were a Joke. But that's another whole letter.

You said to me, several times, that you "know all about me, more than I know, you know." Oh yes? Then you know that you are a Grandfather?

What DO you know about me? Beyond superficial? Knowledge?

Is it too late to have "MY" desired relationship with you? Dr. Dan?

For that I REALLY DON'T AHVE THE ANSWER. Falk, we must, if so.

Weak, I am not, and your thinking that I am of weaknesses, only, is sad.

I could go on and on. Do you not want to "MY" Father? Is it too vile for you?

Thank you for my home. I would like to trade "up" one day. Skylights and acreage (one) is my dream. 2010?

I don't know if you sent me the Home Depot gift certificate of 200$ but thanks. Made me think you were acknowledging me. At last. And taking an interest, of my interests. I hope so.

Renovations cost lots, hah.

Bye,

Me.

I am open to THE TALK. For everything need to be said. Said. A drunken blowup, misguided... NO THANKS.

If Michelle and/or Chelsea want to be part. Great. If not, that's great too.

Just this, next to nothing, 1sided communication SUCKS. Let me go or get involved. Be my Father or not. 1sidedness SUCKS.

I would like to know IF you would want me IN your world OR NOT.

Okay my Mini-Novella FINITO.

Me.

p.s.

Oh one of my questions before I finish - - Why was Germaine placed so persistently in my world? A spy? To ask all those questions you and Michelle never could? And then you took her interpreations of my answers, as gospel? Did you know she stole from me? Nice one, to base "gospel" on her. Or did you tell her to keep/steal/remove the items "lost" while she was in my world? Yet she had the audacity to say she was MY friend when she was with me? Yet you PAID her to be with me? What? You didn't pay her one week so she removed items from me? THANKS FOR THAT FRIEND placd into my world. I wish I was making this up.

And no I have not lied to you since I have moved here. Before that, I told the truth, but in a very COLOURFUL way.

I am no longer going to "step around" Michelle with my words. I never understood your words, "Michelle saw your photo of your Mother, I almost had to buy her something VERY expensive that day." What????? You just "spawned" forth the day you "married" her??? WHERE'S MY DAD'S BACKBONE? Like really????

Phone is ringing - -

Me.