Dear Blog -

This is the first time that I have written this or rather, admitted it, I suffer from Depression.

And obesity. That is me in the picture. 40 and Obese. And Depressed and Single. I am going to wake up tomorrow and change it.

I am going to remove the Weight. I have 7 pieces of fitness equipment and I look at them daily.

I am going to be writing daily and I need feedback people. If anyone reads this. 250-753-5853 or chargirl90210@yahoo.ca Send me letters of GO GIRL

I know where my Depression starts from. Began. Abusive/verbally, Fathers. Both my Biological Father and my Step-Father. Of which I was strong enough to remove myself from the Abusive Step-Father and then I moved closer to my Father and he was a thousand times worse.

I could go on and on how my Biological Father was verbally abusive.

I am removing myself from Him, completely. To grow, heal and love myself. Some of the things he "did" to me and yes, I let him, was let me name a few of the things...

When I first moved to the same town as him, I was model thin and I enjoyed my body. Like all model-thin females, VERY/EXTREMELY proud of that thin-ness. Due to me being hyper-active as a child and continuing into my early adulthood. One Hall-o-ween I decided to dress as a Slutty-Vampiress. I wore my Father's housecoat which looked like something like from Star Wars and ObiWan would wear. Dark brown and with the hood. Underneath I wore a French Maid outfit, pink with white string. Garters and white stockings. And naughty black boots, over the knees.

My Father, the Dentist made me fangs and dipped them in gold and made them so they would retract whenever I would close my mouth and you would see them again when I either opened my mouth, or smiled. And it went white fang, gold, blood on the tips (fake of course LOL). Tres cool.

Well I won a Texas Mickey for my costume ((who doesn't love a Good slut?? LOL)) And I brought it home and when I got home my Father wanted to take pictures of me - But they were never going to see the light of day of the "Family" Photo album. I, being quite drunk, listened to my Beloved Father tell me to pose MORE PROVOCATIVELY and "show some skin" Well I did.

Other things he did thru the years? And after this writing Dispensed with, ... I showed up at Xmas to receive my ONE gift (never something I ever wanted) and my step-sister would get 18 gifts. Her birthday would be remembered I would get a birthday card, 3 months later.

It would be hysterically funny if this Biological Father spread his seed thruout the land SUCCESSFULLY but I am his ONLY off-spring.

He chose to give my Grandmother's car to my step-sister.

This year all the family/clan are going to Hawaii for Xmas AND I AM NOT INVITED. Yet he helped out my step-sister to make sure she could "afford" to fly to Hawaii - We are WestCoast Canada.

I was not invited.

He chose my step-mother over me, when she said Don't talk to your Daughter ever again, he went along with it quite easily.

Whenever he comes over to my home He tells me to keep it clean so it can be resold successfully. Yet other people he has bought them their "starter" homes and I get to be a cheap renter.

Good bye Father I need to heal.

From you.

Oh the other thing he did? Which I still can't fathom. Is he sent over a woman, named Germaine to befriend me and loaded her down with questions he always wanted known. From me. Well she went back with her impressions of me after 4 days of instantly being my best friend - My Father came back with the impression that everything I had said to him, since I moved here, was total lies.

I laughed at him.

The one person on this planet I HAVE NEVER LIED TO IS HIM.

The sad/tragedy in this situation is that I LIVED MY WHOLE LIFE FOR THIS MAN He said Jump? I jumped Fucking High and 5X.

I never had an original thought in my adult life once I moved closer to him. I literally lived for him. That's it. He said he did not like my boyfriend, live-in, whatever, I dropped him that fast.

Well I am taking my first Deep breath and I am scared about tomorrow. Solo. But I am open for the newness of tomorrow.

Wish me luck.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - I am alone but for my dog, the Dalmatian featured and my cat. But I have a roof over my head and depression I am going to conquer.

Me.