Have You Ever?

Sat down and wondered where your favorite lover ended up? 

Sat down and wondered who your favorite lover ended up with? 

If he was happier with her? 

If he could ever wander back your way? 

That you would always remember his hello, 

as I opened my door, so very long ago and he said, 

"Hello, I am here, with you, and there's no going back as I drove here with a car with no reverse." 

That was the man I loved with all my heart 

and there he is above 

The only male in the picture above. 

The woman at the end is his wife. 

Opposite of me in every way. 

No curls in her hair, 

she wears shades. 

Sitting so very far away 

From him. 

We always were connected 

Yet he chose

Her. 

She is a career minded woman 

and I am the 

Artiste. 

Extraordinaire. 

I wonder if he has passion still? 

If she ever dropped rose petals on the floor, for his navigation at the end of his workday?

To "find" me and the ensuing rapture? 

I nicknamed him 

"My" Jimmy 

Yet he still went away. 

Choosing a city over the one I chose. 

I could not go "back" 

as it was a city of pain, for me... 

I wanted, begged and pleaded for him to stay. 

He left anyway. 

It took me ten years to recover 

my lost first love... 

I sat down this a.m. and wondered 

If he had chosen happiness? 

We were so very different in so many ways

Yet he made me see stars with just a hello, 

and a kiss and the merest of touches... 

I hope he had chosen happiness, 

I do. 

I know only 1 of the women pictures in the photo - the young beautiful lass playing with her hair - 

when we were together she was but maybe, 10, 

I giggled with her and laughed and combed her hair and told her how very beautiful she was and was going to be - -

we paraded in pj's and board games... 

and look how right I was! 

I told her and her brothers, how very much I loved all of them 

The other 2 women I had never met - one his sister, and the other his wife.

But IF he had chosen 

Me

Because with me it would have been Passion 

Yes with a capital P. 

No 2 days would have been the same. 

Ever. 

But he would have known that I would have run to him everytime he wandered near, arms open wide and showering him with kisses and giggles and laughter... 

That would never have been lost. 

What I remember of the "Us" 

Is when he kissed me, 

I saw stars and the stars were colorful... 

I moaned his name with the softest of kisses

We can never go back... 

I am still single and wonder... 

and laugh. 

And look around 

I am the complete opposite of his "chosen" 

She is a career woman and I am an 

Artiste. 

I surround myself with color, music, animals, gardening and love to play in so many ways 

If he walked up to me tomorrow 

and said that line once again, 

"There's no going back, I am yours today, tomorrow and forever, and look I have driven here with just a suitcase - - 

As she is a real estate agent, she took the house - 

So I am here, once again, with a car, with no reverse. But this time, there is no going back. I chose, made a mistake once, and always have known, in the back of my mind, that you thought of me in your colorful way. I bought you a 5$ ring once, here is a ring worth much more, and it comes with my heart." 

I would just say, "I've not lived a life full of possessions, but I will once again, give you my heart, as I did fully and completely when I was 14 and you walked into my home and asked me out for my very first date. The very first kiss, and whisper of my name, I was yours."

He would lean forward and whisper my name, "I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but it will never be boring with you ever again."

I remember foolish things about him - - 

My lover of yesterday... 

The way his eyes would crinkle, when he'd smile... 

The way his eyes would spark as anger would be his. \

Our differences are insane - I like to talk to MaryJane every now and then, 

he always declines...  

I like to spoon and whisper naughty thoughts ... Did he ever do the same?

Ahhhh this is just a mishmash of words... of a lonely (?!) lass in the early a.m. ... 

He has a full life where he is - 

He would need to request a transfer - - all across this great country of ours... 

Indeed. 

Choosing me

Forever. 

Hmmmmmmmmmmm... 

I believe I know where that photo is taken? 

At the family farm - - 

I know that farm as

I raced there often to find him, as a teen, 

beginning on my snowmobile across the snow drifts and fields 

Not caring what his parents would think as this young lass 

with sass 

would roar up with her Pink Polaris 

and race up to their door 

and pound on the door with delighted expectations that their only son was home at the farm from the city, that weekend,

Wanting to see me as well 

Or in the summertime 

Zooming and finding him, working in a field, or elsewhere and trysting usually in his car... 

Ditching mine, in some crazy spot 

Oh the passion of one's youth... 

We moved in together as adults 

but never married as he could not leave his prairie background behind 

and I could so very easily. 

Prairie life = pain for me. 

No thanks 

and so I watched him leave 

and ten years later

I stopped crying. 

So I just looked him up online and wondered 

IF 

he had chosen happiness after all. 

He chose the complete opposite of 

Me. 

That I can see 

in one picture. 

Did she ever scream his name in passion? 

Anger and happiness? 

Run to him as he returned to her everyday? 

I know I did

Everytime. 

I feel like writing that song down... of that Canadian Female Singer - -

About did she go down on you in the movie theater, like I did? 

Or something close to that. 

The Jagged Pill album... 

Because yes we even did that. 

Must be a Canadian thing. 

**GRIN** 

I don't think I ever said No to this man pictured. 

I just saw forever in his eyes, my forever. 

My children, my love and my life. 

Yet he chose Manitoba instead, 

so very long ago. 

But by that time 

he had bought another car. 

-charann