Okay if anyone can INTERPRET this dream it would be greatly appreciated!!! I've had it constantly "lately"???

I wake up from a deep slumber, in my bed, my bedroom, I go to stand up and as I stand up my left leg shoots severe pain??? I look down and my upper/front thigh is completely gone??? Skin is folded back, yellowy on the edges (like pus) and even the bone/muscle is gone? I can see into my leg? But the back of my leg skin is still there, and the muscles on the outer and inner thigh are still there? Just a big gaping hole? Like something ate away at my leg???

What DOES this dream mean? Like I said, I've had it several times now??? AHHHHHH???

MY LIFE IN RETROSPECT - -

For the first time in many aday - -
I walked down to the ocean today - -
And sat there and let my brain just race.
Randomly.
I thought of the many twists and turns I said Yes to in my life
and said No to in my life.
I said No to asking someone out - - > because the once in my life "shyness" or rather awkwardness reared its ugly head
I said yes to ending a lifetime career within the Military - - reason being my having breasts declined me from being able to go to the Falkland War - -
I thought I was "VERY" Rambo-esque if not not THE Rambo-ette.
I enjoyed everything of the Army - - being screamed at - - > used to that with my Upbringing therefore I excelled where others fell very short.
I said No to 3 men that asked me "THE" question - - Where are THEY now? Do they think of me? Like I think of them this day?
How very much different would my life have been?
I think of the No's - - I think of the Yes's - -
WTF was I thinking?
I look at my life right now - - Wanting to be held right now and only a boytoy is my choice.
FUCK.
SHIT.
DAMMIT.
I think of the young girl that raced towards her future - - > Thinking "she" would be famous, wanted, desired by the Masses due to her abilities within the Acting Field - -
Oh how many NO'S I received due to my saying NO to silicone anywhere in my body...
BLAH.
I stand before "my" ocean and watch my aged Dalmatian no longer run.
He chooses to sit beside me and nuzzle my armpit - I at least smell good,
for him.
Life could be worse, life could be better.
I am reaching out to my dream and it fucking scares me - - Portfolio X10 has to be "presented" before an Arts Committee on the 28th of March - -
FUCK.
SHIT.
DAMMIT.
Do I have the balls to get that particular YES?
The artist within me screams
YES.
The worthless child that was so abused/abandoned by every parental figure screams NO.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - -
Life and its choices.
I wish he was closer.
But I am no longer the size0 teenage lass so full of pissNvinegar - -
But a Woman with lines
Around her eyes.
Having seen so much -
Many things I did not really need.
May he says, is Canada time.
3 months to lose...
1000 lbs of obesity.
FUCK
SHIT
DAMMIT.
Or dare I present me
with all my very apparent
flaws?
She steps instead upon the treadmill
Seeking that Size0 female
Once
Again.
-charann

You thought you knew me, but you don't know anything at all
My arm shows a graphic picture of the days when I couldn't take it all
I tried to write but the words just wouldn't flow
This is the only way my pain can show.

Do you know what it's like to be stuck in a room,
Where no one can see you and you're to scared to move

Do you know what it's like to just sit and cry,
And not have a clue as to the reason why.

Do you know what it's like to go into a rage,
Slice up your arms and not remember a thing the next day

Do you know what it's like to walk into a room,
And have people you care about tell you there's nothing wrong with you

Do you know what it's like to hide your arms,
Because you don't want to explain about your physical scars.

Do you know what it's like to carry the pain,
Knowing that you're not normal and there's nothing anyone can do or say.

Do you know how it feels to depend on pills to make you feel whole,
Even though in the back of your mind, you hold on to the fear that you'll overdose and die.

Do you know what it's like to feel inner pain and not have anyone but yourself to blame.

Do you know what it's like to want to die,
But you just can't do it and you don't understand why.

Do you know what it's like to give up custody of your daughter,
Because you don't want her to go through the same shit that you did.

Do you know how it feels to be told that you don't deserve your daughter,
When you haven't done anything wrong.

Do you know how it feels not to give a Fuck,
Cause nothing you do will ever add up

Do you know how it feels to pray,
To give you the strength to get through each day

Do you know how it feels to have guys run away,
For you being you,
After they find out the truth

Do you know how it feels to be filled with pain,
And all you want is for it to go away.

Do you know what it's like to hear voices in your head,
Telling you your worthless and you'd be better off dead.

Do you know how it feels to start believing these lies,
Cause that's what you heard your entire life.

Do you know how it feels not to be able to,
Open up to someone who is paid to help you out

You keep your pain inside and tell them that everything is fine,
Then you go home to cry and befriend the knife.

If you don't know what it's like,
Then don't judge me,
Because you just got fucking lucky.

Dear Mr. - -
A letter to the man I have yet to meet - ((or have met and "it" has been taken to the "next" step)) --

Yes I am a SWF and I am writing a letter to you - - My new "Love" of which I am so glad to meet - - Let me describe who you will be meeting ((and hopefully you will contact me after this writing - - wanting to meet and "move it to the next level")) - -

Who is Charlene?

First off, Music is **very** important to me - - Discovering "new" music - - be it local bands (Vancouver has so very many "undiscovered" talent!!!) or cultural music - - ...!!! I listen to music when I cycle, workout, houseclean and yes, even as I write/type this ((listenin' to a 70's music channel)) So you can say that my music collection is quite ecclectic!!

Art is also very important to me - - My own and other's - - I have "collected" art pieces that have "spoken" to me - - Throughout the years. I have only "kept" one of my own art pieces "Chaos" and yes **smile** it comes with a story **GRIN** It's a feel-good story, big time.

Gardening is another passion of mine - Although I have to learn how to landscape, rather than "throw" colour everywhere... **SMILE**

One of my strengths is that I am a **VERY** good friend - - I am "there" for my friends - - Late night phone calls to talk, when in need, is fine... Visits unannounced; "because you needed to talk in-person" is welcome as well. I grew up in the Prairies and the OpenDoor Policy I have never lost **SMILE**

I love all forms of communication - - Be it text messaging, emails, snail mail and have found the latest online addiction; facebook **GRIN**

I can type 98 w.p.m. so that comes with a **WARNING** **SILLY GRIN**

Do I believe in Love at "First" Sight? Still undecided on that one... Lust? Sure. I believe love only grows over time.

Currently my best friend is my Dalmatian, named Bandit and my purrrrr-fect cuddle partner, to slow me down, at the end of the day is my Ragdoll kitty; Meow-Meow ((so named as she "talks" more than I do **GRIN**))

I have my "extreme" side - - I have bungy'd, sky dived, been in the Army/Reserves, done a marathon and I am happiest when I am 4x4'ing - - My "dream vehicle" is a Black (tres shiny) Jeep, with the biggest tires, mag wheels, roll bar ((without the lights)), the biggest woofer stereo - - > you WILL 'hear' me BEFORE I arrive **evil grin** - - Owning that particular vehicle IS a "secret" dream of mine - - ...

Of course, I have my faults - - I am 'not' as close to my family members as "society dictates", my temper is that I walk when I am angry - - But I do it silently so all of a sudden you are talking to a very closed door - - Elevator shutting or car driving away. I refuse to give vent to my anger. I choose instead to walk and think things thru elsewhere. I am an insomniac - - Which gets allot done but at "odd" hours LOL I should workout more...

I love to cook for others - - The tradeoff is usually YOU buy the ingredients, I cook and sing quite happily while I cook. Yes the music is loud, the wine is free flowing and the songs/laughter is all free, while Char cooks for another or a group of people. But **WARNING** I rarely follow the recipe twice LOL Just the first time - - I love for someone to ask; Can you cook this? Provide the ingredients and wait. HAH

Oh don't challenge this gal. LOL

Yes I would very much like to meet YOU Sir. Do not at all enjoy being single hahaha

This is but a "taste" of me; CharleneAnn. Would very much like to meet... YOU. Be it someone new or even someone known... Who would like to take it to the next level.

CharleneAnn
The photos I chose is the Ocean - One of my favourite places to be near.