Well the gym I had to get away from because of numerous reasons - let's see - what bothered me BEFORE the jacuzzi tonight and the wine and the .... lol and the ... hahahaha

I was supposed to perform with a body builder this weekend - I got all psyched up and even went to buy the costume and then he says nope don't need you - and i want the cash back - return the items get cash back - i am like non-returnable items i purchased? so now? do i owe him the money or not? and another person said that he felt pressured into me being in his act and yadda yadda yadda and of which i thought, pressured? i asked 15 million kazillion times if he wanted me to be part? and i was asked for a song for his act((which he is still using and i am sure I will NOT be getting credit for the song choice? - - of course not)) so yah "whatever"

and the other note? i wrote that letter i posted below to yep, the damn british trainer and ZERO RESPONSE so hey, what is the saying? "it is better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved before?" B.S. on that note!!!

so i am taking the weekend to ignore the gym COMPLETELY - recharge and "breathe" hang in my hammock and probably smoke more .... lol and get some lovin' from my baby boy boxer... and then go back to the madness of the gym on monday night...

until then, the gym no longer exists in my environment... just my immediate environment exists and THAT'S IT

until monday 6 p.m. i am released from the drama LOL then i can go back - ignore the world and do as cory said do it for you, ignore the rest - you are there for YOU AND THAT'S IT - ignore ignore ignore

which i shall do - a new "calm" char will be there and non-reactive, i will no longer react to scott since i am not worthy of even a reply (email/call, whatnot) to my letter ... OUCH lol

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm - friend my ass

yep he's an ass and he's a brit lol too damn good looking for his own good hahahaha mmmmmmmmmmmmmm would sure look fantastic in my king-size bed tho!!! mmmmmmmmeow!!!

on that note, more wine, .... and mmmmmmm more wine lol

char

wow the messages i am getting re my experience of the biggest loser boot camp - - i do not write about my experience in length here - i write about it EXTENSIVELY on my personal blog ... in fulllll, graphic detail in short joanna rocks, scotts an ass LMAO shhhhhhhhh making peace with the ass LOL breathe in, breathe out as my buddha friend would say HAHAHAHA

i can't believe the amount of people around the world that are writing/messaging me here since i mentioned that "i am a member of biggest loser boot camp" - my answers are thus:
a) IF u r thinking about doing it, GO4it b) u might be as "lucky" as me and get such an "inspirational" overly enthusiastic BRITISH trainer as me who motivates one every ... Read Moreday (paid for by the british fan club for scott mark douglas, trainer extraordinaire) hahahaha c) seriously DO IT :) oh and i just found out scott HATES 80's tunes which is my BIGGEST love so guess who is bringing in burnt cd's tomorrow for our workout - it's a love-hate relationship ROFL see what FUN u can have? and LOSE WEIGHT, BODY FAT & kick a brits ass (hmmmm i seem to be mentioning his ass allot) too much coffee today hahahaha need another brownie perhaps, RIGHT SCOTT?

Scott -

For some unknown reason, the Greater Power has granted me the ability to type 98 w.p.m. And I am MUCH MORE articulate when writing - - Hence this note from me to the Brit - -

So here is an apology from me to you, in the sincerest form. For some unknown reason, which I can't comprehend, for the life of me, we have come to this very last day.

Here is what I could not say when Scott is smiling down at me (since you are what? A foot taller than me??? HAH) & I get tongue-tied and whatnot, or fall off damn treadmills.

My tunnel-vision/goal was to go into the gym, lose weight and 12-weeks would fly by and ME was NOT noticed by anyone (at the gym). But nooooooooooo – there's this damn Brit with all the dash and charm (way too much for his own damn good) – What is the best way to say this? Okay my life, I live it very boring it would be in YOUR eyes. LOL Sans men. So an a) compliment from a young Brit would yes, throw me far off my goals OR the blowing in my ear yep, gets a reaction. Did you just do it as playful? And what? Expect zero reaction? In all reality and truth, this gal finds the young Brit very good looking and fun and delightful and has a great smile and the most beautiful hands LOL Okay bang goes Scott's head LOL Oh well I've said it To me, you are a fine specimen of a man LOL and I can't handle the flirting, without my mind going “alrighty then let's begin... I'm game, in, whatever, sure!!!– I can't believe it's sincere OMG yah right hahahaha A much younger man sincerely flirting with Me Doesn't happen in My World.

In all honesty, I would be flattered probably to muteness IF the flirting was sincere on your part HAH A date with Scott? A date with A Brit that tells me to my face he is never wrong... And is very stubborn Now if that wasn't a challenge - **giggle** Romantic thoughts? Okay no the thoughts were not **ahem** romantic hahahah Besides, two VERY stubborn people? Together?

So I will admit and just this once, Me noticed and notices the Brit. Do I think it is reciprocated? No. And that is why I do not have “romantic thoughts... I can't see Scott calling Me on a Friday night and saying, “Hey let's hangout and do whatever... Would ever occur.

Would I say Yes to such an invitation? Indeed. Because I think once Scott relaxes – he'd be great fun to be around. Do Brits ever relax? LOL Here have one of my Infamous Brownies **giggle**

So yes I am open to your offer of a friendship – But sure I am willing to kick your butt at anything kind of friendship hahahaha I think the Brit needs his ego brought down a few notches and I am just the girl to do it. HAHAHA Anything but rugby hahaha Never got that sport – and probably never will??? Cycling, swim/wave pool, etc etc ... Throw me into any sport, I am so there.

I would like you to be my partner while Keith is gone in July to see if we can handle one-on-one conversation without killing the other hahaha No Scott flirting and no Me fooling around/goofing off I will give you that IF you choose to be my “workout” partner during that time. Would be an interesting never boring time... hmmmmmmm? If we both release the flirting/fooling around personas ...

So a long winded way of Me saying sorry - how's that stubborn Brit? Did I do okay? Did I pass? LOL

Okay I liked the flirting, just not at the gym – I would absolutely kill myself reacting to it hahahaha Damn you hahaha Outside of the gym? Which I believe is not in your “game” Wimpy Brit – I would enjoy it there from Scott – But then it would be returned and that, I believe, Scott is too much the Brit. I.e. Wimpy hahaha So friends it is 'cuz I can't see Scott ever daring to kiss Me HAH You can't even hold direct eye contact with me – Which I find very curious – Why is that Scott? I also wondered if I did dare to reciprocate – How far would Scott run? So that is about as far as it gets for me hahaha I reciprocate, Scott runs **giggle** So basically, Scott calls, the invitation would be accepted. Besides with you, I could wear my very kinky boots LOL for Height. **SMILE**

Well a very long-winded way of saying I am placing my bets with staying in the Damn Brit's group. “Body by Scott ohbrother ...

But I will tell you this, you blow in my ear ONCE during the following weeks, I am going to introduce you to deep kissing in front of the whole damn gym. **WARNING** Might as well get kicked out of the gym **ahem** with a bang hahahaha So that is the rules here on out
Me...

ok i chose the attached photo to be with this write-up as i am a cutter and my life RIGHTNOW is pushing me - - i can feel the vibration inside going/screaming; cut! cut! cut! remove yourself from your f'd up life... cutttttt... feeeeeel the pleasure/orgasmic of the release...

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - so far 2 p.m. i am resisting the urge but tonight??? alone on another saturday night...

okay here are 2 things that are setting me off - -

1) there is a woman and her daughter that i walk with every night - - the woman/mother i like profusely - - the daughter not so much - in fact, the energy i get from her, when near her is EVIL i just can't shake this reading of the kid and she's what all of 12?

i hung out with this kid alone once and the profanity that came out of her mouth and then when she is with her mother... is this angel ??? and together, they talk babytalk together and often when i go walking with them, they do the whole walk/all of 45 minutes... very closely muttering together and whispering and ... to the exclusion of me?

also they are planning their life to be together??? i.e. this is their life plan - - when i/the 12 year old graduate i am going to nursing school and then when i graduate, and work for a few years, then you/mom will have enough money saved up and about the age to retire and you can sell your home and we can buy a winnebago and we can meet guys and have fun - -

ummmmmmmm - are you not supposed to bring your child up so she gains independence???

also the mom does nothing as her life besides her daughter? ummmmmmmm - doesn't date, doesn't socialize OTHER THAN HER DAUGHTER? is this normal? always the daughter has to tag along when we walk together? wierd? or am i off-base?

dunno - i don't have a kid ...

the 2nd thing is i have a neighbor that is right across the street from me and her life is to watch my every move - - and gossip about it to my other neighbors? and other neighbors have told me this ??? omFg? get a life? she sits on her deck and watches me? f'g eerie???

now our other neighbor has taken up this same cause? i did not know "my" life is so flipping interesting?

omg i am so moving in a year SOMEHOW - - i give myself a year to get the cash together to get the hell out of my present situation or else i WILL BE cutting and daily...

right now i am listening to tunes loudly and cleaning my home... from one end to the other and crying...

anyone want to trade lives with me? please do...

me...

The Workout DAMMIT lol
ok i thought that you would "enjoy" my latest workout session with the Damn Brit ((and look on my profile page, there's a picture of him there)) we do a warmup before the workout session with him... So I was on the treadmill right? I thought, hey I am getting the hang of this let's put it up to "almost" running i.e. basically a fast walk, k?
so the treadmill is in front of the tv so i get to watching the tv, which is muted so you read the news, not hear the news, k?
so i am in lala land "zoning out" not at all aware of anyone or anything, when i feel this like something teasing my left ear. softly, tho. i immediately think its a fly or my hair tickling my ear, i brush it away...
then like 15 seconds later, it occurs again, this time i look to my left and there is scott RIGHTTHERE like we are almost nose to nose lol i jump like straight up LITERALLY
and then when i land i am facing him, and the treadmill is still going the running speed
so where does char go? to the end of the treadmill where i land on my ass, almost flip over and end up in a little ball
i am mad as hell, feeling foolish as hell, and is he helping me up? noooooo he's doubled over laughing...
i am thinking, i can be dead and he is
LAUGHING
i
hate
him
forever
now
but does it end there? nooooooo
during our workout session/group - he asks me way into it how are you charlene?
i say fine scott and you?
and while i am saying that, he is winking at me = ahhhhhhhhh lol
i ignore him for the rest of the session lol

WTF is he doing? and why? lol
explainnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn me confused lol

I want to take this time to say THANK YOU. Two words that I very often do not say...

To my "teachers" of late...

1) Joanna Dunn - she is just an awesome woman - Let's just name a few of her "accomplishments" She runs a gym, has written 5 fitness books, has 3 sons (2 of which are adorable 1 year old twins), has been in many a body-building contest and whew! I met her to join The Biggest Loser Boot Camp - - For 12 weeks this summer.

So far week one I GAINED 1 lb CRAP CRAP CRAP - I was royally pissed at myself. Because everyone else lost weight.

Week 2 I lost 14.5 lbs and now I am a BELIEVER!!! I listen to every word that comes forth from her pretty mouth hahahaha

The second "teacher" is a surprise actually - My trainer Scott I think does not know what to do with me. Nor I with him. I just stand there and think; Very nice. And then forget to workout.

There is no IF there LOL So we will let that go.

But he is quite a trainer. He makes it fun, actually as you groan your way through each and every workout. Which so far is one extended sweat.

It just helps that he has the most beautiful "everything" as you workout LOL

I've attached the photo because that is basically Scott (on top) as he is explaining what we are to do in the workout and how he stops me from goofing off hahahaha

well today is not a good day - - feeling old, feelin' fat, feelin' alone and all of that... and fightin', my "edge" seems to have drifted away...

don't know if i want to continue the fight to lose weight... UGH ... much more comfortable hiding in my hole/home...

like c'mon who would seriously want to date this old workhorse? yah right ... ugly as can be, etc etc

i have decided that i am just going to go workout, not talk to anyone and just workout... that's it...

no more goofiness, just working out - - yep.

why? because i am so flipping boring hah ugly and everything... bad. yep

I just realized today that I REALLY do not know how one, in today's society, shows an interest in another human being LMAO

Like let's use Scott, my trainer, as an example...

I ask him out? Is that acceptable? I "wait" for him to clue-in and ask me out? Like I really do not know how the "game of love" is played these days

YIIIII

Hi Scott, I would like to spend some time with you

OMG that sounds so lame, needy,

Or I wait until he asks me out?

Or I just what? Smile at him allot?

Oh yeah, I can "just" what? Hope he just "magically" what? Dumps his girlfriend he travelled halfway across the world for? For what? ME?

Old woman that is battling a weight problem? Can't even be bold enough to what? Tell him hey I think you are Marvelous? FunnY/worthy of getting to know? For what? A long time? Let's travel B.C. together and hang? After this 12-weeks is all over?

YAH f'g right LMAO

She/the girlfriend is young, young, young,

and I am old.

End of story.

I can't even get this going as a WHAT-IF lol Because I look around my reality and can't see "him" in it.

Hey Scott, I live in a trailer, I have a beat-up car, I live with my cat and my boxer and I am going back to school in September and I have dreams.

Absolutely NOTHING to offer the man.

I will let this fantasy go, because I CAN'T see him choosing me.

Although I would love to have that smile my way ALLOT. Especially first thing in the morning. Mmmmmmmmmmmm...

Not going to happen. Get over it.

Oh yeah, hey Scott, I am nocturnal and love to listen to tunes - and just hang, is that your cuppa tea, as well? I love to cuddle and have you smile at me, and I would love to lean against your shoulder and just learn about you... Slowly and have that smile ALLOT.

I in turn would give you fire and passion and smiles in return, because I think you are just marvelous and I am so f'g scared to tell you that. For why? You are taken.

UGH.

Yeah me and you.

Give it a shot.

Not going to occur. Get over it Char.

Okay let's try a one night stand mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... Would love to curl around you and purrrrrr, or have you say my name slowly and watch your eyes, as I kiss you the first time... Mmmmmmmmmmmm...

Not

F'g

Likely.

I AM FOOLISH

In the middle of a workout, I am daydreaming since my body is screaming in pain...

When my right hand seems to have a mind of its own... I dare to touch Scott, my trainer, he is working out beside me, since I am always the one goofing off.

I trace his inner wrist, and the jolt is electric. I nearly jump out of my skin. And then the moment is gone. I am sure he never even noticed. But I sure did.

The workout itself was a joke. Two many people for the area we were working out in. Scott obviously did not want to be there - - We did the workout at the speed of light - -

But there is light at the end of the tunnel!!! No Scott Sunday!!!

6'3 with brown eyes and a girl friend he rushes home to.

Get a life Char LOL To go camping with which he rushes home to do. Yah. Yay.

Well so that's that - - shooooooe him out of my dreams now LOL

I just don't understand why he has to workout beside me ALL THE FRIGGING TIME lol.

Let me goof off in peace LOL

The reason I am going thru this pain is to looooooose weight UGH UGH UGH I don't think I want to anymore HAH

PAINFUL

I would like Scott to say once, Hey Char, you are doing great.

Without the sarcasm in his voice. Or smile at me. Just me. Yah right. I want to kiss the boy LOL It can't be all that. HAHAHAHAHA

I want him to see me as Sexy as the Girl in the Photo I've attached. Perhaps his shirt?

Yah right he rushes home to a YOUNG LASS of beauty not a used up old show-horse like me. Battling a weight problem.

SIGH

Reality bites.

Let me detour to fantasy - -

Driving down the highway one day, I notice a motorcycle stopped by the side of the road.

Yah right.

It would go more like this.

A motorcycle zooms pass me as I am laboring away, trying to change a tire. I have no flipping idea how to, but am struggling nonetheless.

The motorcycle turns around and zooms back, slowing down, as I stand up and toss my hair in frustration. Thinking, F!!!!!!!

I chew on my bottom lip, thinking, I really should be in the 21st century and actually have a cell phone LOL Last of the Idiots of technology. 'Cuz how am I getting out of this one? Miles from home, ???

When I hear, "Char?"

My neck snaps my head around, only ONE damn English male accent I know, really. I slowly turn my head, thinking, what are the odds?

He removes his bike helmet and the smile appears.

I see it is indeed Scott and I rush over, "Oh Scott, I am having the most horrible day, I don't know how to change a tire, and I am confused and I don't have a cell phone and - - "

He puts his hand up, shushing me with a touch to my lips, saying, "You have dirt on your upper lip, let me brush it off."

He touches my lip and I can no longer breathe. I look up at him, and think, Scott I've wanted to kiss you...

He reaches under my hair and slowly moves me closer, the movement seems forever before our lips touch.

I whisper, "Scott - - "

He smiles at me, "Char, you talk too damn much, just kiss me."

"Oh I talk - - "

The kiss is electrifying.

I feel it right down to my toes. I do not want it to end, and reach towards him, thinking, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

The kiss deepens and I break it. "Wow Englishmen kiss devinely!"

"Always the last word Char, yah?"

I just smile up at him, thinking, not if you kiss me like that - - Again and again and again.

The fantasy stops there LOL

Ok I am NOT thinking of the guy ONCE tomorrow or Sunday or Monday.

GOAL.

Single Female Available...

Interests:

Must love animals as there is always 1 or 2 animals in my world and constant... I love gardening, the ocean, cycling and currently working out. Art is dominant in my world as well. As well as collecting "stuff".

The Man I Seek:

Must have a sense of humour... To a level of warped sense **GRIN** A clean-freak; sure!!! Love to cook and shop and like that.

Wow I am doing so well, not LOL

Ugh just lately I am feeling blue about coming home to a quiet home ((other than Taz the Spaz my over-energized Boxer LOL))

I have lived with someone before - - What I miss about "that" is the lazy Sunday mornings - - Just hangin', the spontaneity of sex on kitchen counters and wherever **evil grin**, going for drives "just because we want to make another memory", and cycling together and just "being". Nicknames.

Who Am I? Unique, colorful, and I am a strong individual, but can find a quiet side of me, as well. I am a sucker for PDA's - - Like recently I had a dream that I was proposed to in the following way:

I was at a Vancouver Canucks game when there was an announcement, "Is there a CharleneAnn in the building? Stand up if you are here, the Mascot needs to find you at this time, as you have won a Vancouver Canuck's jersey, personally signed by Loungo!!!"

So I stand up and laugh, thinking, excellent!!!

The mascot comes running up to me and has a jersey rolled up into a tight little ball, I unravel it and a small box, rolls out, with loud applause, and on the screen there is "Will you marry me, CharleneAnn?"

Yessssss.

The announcement continues, "CharleneAnn, you have also won a trip for two to Las Vegas, with 5,000$ and a paid wedding at the Elvis Chapel!!! Leaving right now, the limosine awaits for you, and YOU LEAVE RIGHT NOW!!!"

The dream ends.

LOL

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

I have joined Biggest Loser BootCamp - 2nd week of 12 weeks = AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

So here is the dilemma I joined of course to lose weight & instead the trainer is like ummmmmmmmmmmmmm beyond HOT but ((there are always BUTS in such tellings LOL)) he was like born the year I grad from High School OMFG LMAO

But let's just describe the VERY YOUNG MAN shall we? Okay first off - - He's a damn Englishman... Secondly he has a girlfriend T/G or else there'd be moves & being embarrassed big time LOL

But let's just daydream shall we? Describe the young man? Okay I am turned on by a man's hands & he has the looooong fingers which I like - Perfect hands.

Tanned, which is because it's summer LOL

Cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurly hair/sandy blond, perfect Osmond-size teeth and it's the eyes that have my thoughts bouncing all over the place. Teddy-bear brown eyes and cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurly eyelashes.

Whenever he looks at me, the slowwwww smile begins and all that. & I just smile at him like an idiot.

So hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm - A wee bit distracting LOL

But its just on my side - - But it is "FUN" to dream, hmmmmmmmmm?

Like today, I had a job interview for the art council of nanaimo and so i had put on minimal of makeup on - which is basically my fave; purple eye shadow and a bit of liner and so I would look more "alive" for the interview.

So I am working out on the recliner bike and Scott comes up and says, "I really like your eyes. Y'know, how you've done them today? Very nice."

I just stared at him, waiting for the rest of the sentence, so he began to smile, that damned slow smile and said, "Very pretty, today, your eyes."

"Oh I had a job interview today so had to primp."

"Oh yes, I would like to tell you that I have read your entire facebook page, I was being nosy."

"OH?" Thinking ummmmmmmmm Why LOL

So I workout at the front to enjoy glances (MINE) at this cutey pie LOL and his slow smiles.

Which is just nuts. He's, I believe, living with a girl. Like he'd look at this old hag HAH

Hi Scott, care to go out? Catch a movie?

WHAT PART OF I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND CHAR?

ummmmmmmmm All of it once you smile at me, so how about that movie and we begin something? And I replace that Canadian gal that got ya here in the first place?

YA RIGHT.

I drive a beatup Mazda I am going back to school/University to finish a degree I started basically WHEN he was born and yadda yadda yadda

And in all actuality, I could not sleep last night because he was in my bed last night allllllllllllllllll night long - At least everytime that I did fall asleep. So yes it was VERY restless.

DAMMIT. LOL

CUPID - THE TV SHOW

I am sure this TV Show will appeal to the masses - Due to a) The actor who plays Cupid is just adorable b) women will immediately "fall in love" with the concept of this show...

I was thrilled with tonight's show - The idea of a public/very public display of LOVE for another - - A notice on New Year's Eve/Times Square - Yah I am one of "those" girls that would love a public way of a declaration of Love.

My way? A hockey game - - Preferably a game where Wayne Gretzky would witness it LOL As he was my first young girl's choice of a groom HAHAHAHAH

And a singer/guitarist that declares his love for another - Who doesn't LOVE that concept? C'monnnnnnnnnnn... And with an Irish accent? Okay, sure.

I have enjoyed this show. And I am hooked.

I just wish Cupid would enter my world and help my lust/love life along HAH