the background of my email is shawn p (pictured) is my h/s classmate - of which i had a VERY secret "crush" on - i NEVER told him or even smiled at him - but i COULD tell you what he wore of every day of h/s & i could describe him head2toe - & even that he has the most beautiful smile & eyes (eyelashes too; they are the curliest i have ever seen!!!) BUT i never DARED to tell him this - just sat in classes that we shared QUIETLY and observed - & listened & observed him some more - never once in all of h/s did i tell him of my "crush" i just observed & wondered & daydreamed & having found him online - i told him of my crush & he was EXTREMELY POLITE & said I would have to keep on wondering - which is what an extremely diplomatic way of saying FOAD???????????? ouch ouch ouch he sent me the profile shot because that is how i remembered him - his left profile because that is where i sat ALWAYS where he was considered - 1 row over/left and 1 seat back and WATCHED & never spoke in english class - NOPE not once - just dreamily listened & watched & hoped that he would what???? Magically clue in? hahaha A 17-year-old boy CLUE IN? To an unspoken crush? Seated so very close? HAHAHAHA AS IF So this is my apology to him... I will find his original email or maybe not - He is very diplomatic and ohhhhhhhhhhh I was the foolish 17-year-old reaching out - With hope = IDIOT I AM lolololol **sigh**
Okay I have re-read your email that you sent to me and it has sunk in and the "you will have to keep wondering"
You are going to Japan to make up with someone that you very obviously care very much for.... I just wanted to take the time to apologize for my emails...
I just in my foolishness of schoolwork/tests/finals, not grasping what you were writing to me etc etc Just excuses really... And me "falling back in time" and having Shawn P. back "in" my life & my initial reaction(s) to you just came flooding back - The school girl crush (me2u) was really quite a) silent b) severe lol I could even describe you down to your eyelashes lol I would be able to pick you out in a crowd easily lol So me being the idiot I am expressed that and stupidly - I knew then Would never be reciprocated LOL
Besides you have a whole life - How could I say? Hey Shawn I would love to get to know you & see where it goes? You are in Thailand, quite settled and I am in B.C. quite unsettled LOL How could this be anything? Like what? Move to Thailand? Ahhhhhhhhhhh, the farthest I've been is Mexico where I knew "what" it would be like - Thailand woahhhh LOL I'd be like a kid - Scared and what? Everything NEW.
I knew IF I made the move or said anything to you - I'd make a complete ass/fool of myself and you'd look at me and probably a) not take me seriously b) outright LAFF at me or what I guessed was outright reject me and I would be devestated hahaha
So I give you my friendship and forget the girlcrush/mine and get to know the Shawn of today
I wish you luck daring to "try again" I've been that deeply in love with one man that I went back and he knew he could keep on coming back which he did intermittently until he finally walked away I cried I think for a year straight I wish you Happiness Shawn - I hope it works for you -
I remember you always smiling - And those eyes!!! I am sure I never made the same impression on you. Hardly. I was very insignificant female/person in H/S - I was K.K.'s shadow - I am trying to express myself correctly after too much weed - I think the best word is yes, crush or "smitten" I never really talked to you because I couldn't -
I would like to be your friend - Cyberly - I would be honored -
There I have apologized for my faux pas and ooooooooooops i did it again-ness You have a friend, you always have, I am just DARING to make it known - Besides I think it is fantastic that you are working on being with another - A male FRIEND is probably the best thing FOR ME. I've never had that - Isn't that sad? I've always changed it shockingly fast to let's f--- Then retreat. To my safety go away now zone.
I do not, nor did I ever want to do that with you. I was into meditation already and wicca in H/S and I was told you and I would never be "insignificant" and that was another reason I never communicated with you - Does any of this make sense?
Probably not - But I will send it anyways - She is a lucky girl/woman I hope she realizes the gift she is being given a 2nd Chance - Me? I never dared for a First Chance.
But I am your FRIEND, however you decide. Oh and for Xmas ? I would love a phone call Oh wait that is me being an IDIOT again LOL
K I am over and out - I am going to copy and paste this nonsense onto my blog and read it straight tomorrow LOL
I hope this gets a reply more than FOAD char **sigh**
charlene
