http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSvJwUFI_es

type in that URL FREAKIN' FUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNY :)

okay what am i doing this long weekend/last weekend of the summer? i am doing yard work and painting my fence ((pictures are being taken as it is being finished - mainly for self-affirmation LOLOLOL - that i am NOT a lazy ass after all HAHAHAHA))
i live in a trailer park and as you basically also "live" with your neighbors... i have come to know other person's "habits" well there is a lady that lives across the way and she is a CLEAN FREAK...
i have never been able to be a clean "freak" so bad that i am sure that i have "lost" room mates i basically blame it on ADHD and magnetic floors LMAO
but back to my neighbour she spends every day cleaning? like to me it is a control thing? she carries a vaccuum around/behind you as you visit? she is currently vaccuuming her car and she has vaccuumed it for 16 hours? omg?
i REALLY do "not" know how to clean - i support the local small businesses by paying others to clean/vaccuum for me - she thinks that i am nuts? why pay someone for something that you can do yourself? i CAN'T lol it still "looks" dirty when i've cleaned? aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh...
i am just sitting here amazed at her vaccuuming the car for the 17th hour? lol it's a station wagon OMG? lol 1973 version?
oh and she refuses to pay someone as she is saving up from her hubby's salary/pension to buy a home with horses and a barn and chickens and blah blah blah - i just laff at her and say i don't believe it tomorrow - if i see something i want? i buy it immediately - i don't believe in tomorrow after i have had 5 friends/a beloved relative die YOUNG - tomorrow? whatever on that note -
so i, instead of cleaning inside am - doing yardwork for days at a time? is there something "wrong" with me because i do not possess the FEMALE gene of cleanliness?
the other reason i don't vaccuum is my mother would turn on the vaccuum to not "hear" me being beaten my step-father - hence i DON'T/can't stand the sound of a vaccuum - almost become nauseous - i got beat every day/youth...
that won't erase...
well just wondering things - how FEMALE am I lol
and single-dom SUCKS this weekend BIG TIME
blah blah blah
this is CHAR PMS'ing and blue - visitors are more than welcome THIS particular weekend...
a hug would be more than welcome...

blue,
charlene

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

Notice:



DUE TO RECENT BUDGET CUTS, AND THE SPIRALING COST OF ENERGY, THE

LIGHT AT

THE END OF THE TUNNEL HAS BEEN TURNED OFF.

http://www.clearspring.com/widgets/4888ef2fa9474c04

hello hope - well 6 p.m. tonight rolled around and no phone call or my father did not show up - i called him and he said that he thought in yesterday's conversation he thought i had said that i would call him - well i told him that i thought he was going to call me and that we were going to walk around the waterfront so i could show him my banners he said that he had made a special trip to the waterfront in the morning (before 8 a.m.) to walk around to look at the banners and did not see the banners that i described (meaning WHAT??? lol) I told him of the area of my banners and he said once again that he misunderstood the where they were obviously - well we continued talking and i said to him that i would like to see him and his reply? that he was surprised that i expressed such a sentiment after my 6 page letter... of which he read that i completely hated the clan -

okay hope - my COMPLETE letter is on my blog - www.shesgotpersonality.blogspot.com scroll down and you will find it, very quickly - it is not a letter stating i hate the clan - it is ME expressing my hurt feelings and confusion towards my father -

i said no it was not i hated the clan letter it was about him calling me a fat lazy whore, why did he do that? his reply? we are not talking about me,
what i said, i said dad, we NEVER talk about you, we have NEVER talked about you or US and yes the letter was COMPLETELY about you and your statement ((i.e. HOW did he miss that?))

i told him i loved him and he IS and always will be my father and i will always be his daughter THAT will never change - he abruptly changed that topic and said what else would you like to know about the trailer? as i had asked him if it was okay for me to paint the exterior green - he said he liked the colour i chose - i said Great - he continued, anything else you would like to know about the trailer? the trailer is michelle's and mine, of which we let you stay there at a VERY reduced rent "until you shoot yourself in the foot"

hope what does that mean? SHOOT yourself in the foot?

i just let him talk - silently wondering what the hell???

he continued, you can stay there until you decide to leave -

again i thought? what? what does that mean now? doesn't that just contradict what he just said?

i answered, well i am in school until next march, then i don't know -

he said then i would need 2 months notice so i could find someone else to be there, it is just a property WE own that we rent out to you FOR A VERY REDUCED RENT

i let that slide and instead asked, okay that is understood, what about us?

he said what us? your letter spellt it out you hate the clan

my reply, NO it did not, that letter was just my confusion about you and your statements to me thru out my life, and i think that we need to have a VERY LONG talk, I AM YOUR DAUGHTER, YOU ARE MY FATHER, I would like you to stop by sometime -

Why?

Because YOU ARE MY FATHER AND I AM YOUR DAUGHTER -

Him - I need to go I am working on the water line here - We have no water -

Me - No way Dad, you are not ending a phone call that way, not this time. Is that it? You don't want me to contact you anymore then? Do you want me to get another Dentist? Do you want Zero contact from me?

Him - I will stop by sometime. I don't know when.

Me - That is all I ask. Thank you.

CLICK

HELP ME. Define Please.

Thank you.

Why is everything/everyone LEAVING me at this time? Narda - My confidante for the last 6 years. And now my Father "misreading" my letter?

I am so confused. Hurt and crying right now. I am feeling so very alone right now. I am single... And no family other than my Father here. I reached out to another Person that I have called my Chosen Mom "Jan" and phoned her today and she has not returned my call. She was with my Father for 33 years. I always had an "inkling" that she was "in" my life because I was her "link" to my Father - and now that I am no longer in "direct" contact with him she is no longer returning my phone calls etc etc?

Why is everything ENDING at the same time? I feel so very alone right now, and scared. Not beaten just scared. I am also just PMSing up the yingyang hahahaha So the tears are 99% that too HAHAHAHA

Thanks for letting me vent/write to you Hope. One day I will give you a hug in person LOL But me broke right now hahahahahaha

Hugs n Luv,

Char
sorry I did not address what else you said in your email bit lost right now

I REALLY do not understand life currently...

Everything, in life, I have found, ENDS at the very same time...

I have had a very, very, very good friend named Narda for the last 6??? Years and now, with no explanation, she is no longer "in" my life - This was a person that would call me ALLOT/day.

She had been diagnosed as a ton of things... And has been in the Psych. ward of two cities in B.C. in the last 10 years and her and I have been thru a ton of things together and yet she just "stops" talking to me.

BLAH. Zero explanation.

WTF?

Then I reached out to my Biological Father and wrote him a 6 page letter of which I expressed my complete feelings and confusions where he is concerned. I talked to him today and he read it that I hate the whole clan. Why do I bother?

So I am retreating by both parties. No more am I reaching out. My whole life I have been the person searching/reaching out to others. Well this is My Time. I am just placing ONE GOAL in my life. Currently.

I am going to work out and work out and work out and diet. I am no longer reaching out to others. I am reaching In.

I have felt like I have been "Frozen in Time" for like a Long time. And I have finally "woken" up.

Workout = Me. That's It. Nothing More.

I reached out. I can't do any more.

Me.

advice i received today w/regards to me being "terminally single"

Charlene I know a few terminally single girls and man are they happy! Hey
means you can just take your pick and have all the fun you want. No
thinking about "Is he the one?" or "Will he make good boyfriend material?"
Nah! You just swan your sweet sassy self wherever you want to go, take
yourself a good look around the place and pick yourself a pleasuremaker for
the night!

Then you have yourself the fun you want and go home to your complete private
self. Always good and bad in everything - single or married - just make the
most of what you got. I would love to be single and strut my stuff sometime
seeing as how I really, really was a very, very good girl when I was young.
I'd love to make up for it now but I don't agree with cheating when you're
married. See that's one of my faults right there! But then Sugar I do have
Donovan the D Man right here whenever I want. Hmm mmm that man is so sweet!