Today I am full of anger/angst/fear/trepidation and just overall negativity.

Why? My home is falling apart around me. :(

Then I realize I am but a Tenant. BUT the landlord is the dreaded Father. F.U.L.W. that Father.

I just can't contact him. It makes me want to projectile vomit. And not just figuratively.

So I think, like Scarlett O'Hara "I will think of it tomorrow."

And I wander down to the grocery store. To wander, yes, and somewhat grocery shop. How I think things "through".

Well as I enjoyed my Latte, I sat there and daydreamed, when all of a sudden a man walked by, upon first glance, he looked like one of the ZZTop Guys (bigggg long beard and same overall look). Second glance? He had one arm!!

It hit me "right there" and I just started to bawl. Right there in the coffee shop. I can't write to my Father and this guy is ordering flavoured coffee with one arm? I moved tables so no-one could see my tears. I let it flow. And finished my Latte. Thinking; Okay Greater Power I got the message. OUCH on that one.

Right to the gut eh? Sometimes the message is.

I am crying as I write this. And wish I would have been able to say something to that guy, like, Hey I wanted to slice my wrists rather than deal with my Father and I am middle aged and isn't that STUPID? And you have one arm? And you can smile at people and I am so into ME and my infantile stupidness and you CAN SMILE?

Something is terribly wrong with MY outlook. THANK YOU DUDE.

Whoever you are.

Char