Dearest Jeff -
Hahahahaha I just thought I would share this with you...

Okay on Sunday I went with a walk with the polkadotted creature... And we found a garage sale...

Why should I share this with you? I bought a CD woooo Of George Meichel AND Queen with Lisa Stansfield... The song KILLER is on CD and that song brought sooooooooo many memories flooding back for me... First song I ever stripped to HAHAHAHAH I can still remember the outfit (all black) and the oil running down for the first time (and my thoughts at the time - which were really quite COMICAL being I can't believe these morons/males are CHEERING for me - the super-teased **UGLY** girl all-through highschool girl?) Okay, granted it does not take talent to strip... But it still made me lol

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh and the other item that I bought at the garage sale? Get this!!!!!! A DVD of DAVID HASSELHOFF and LINDA BLAIR HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Called Bail Out - I have not watched it yet But thought you would get a chuckle out of that pairing - Who is prettier? HAHAHAHA Or has MORE hair??? Oh when I was a girl growing up, I had a supercrush on Linda Blair lol I think it was her voice...

Oh back to George Michael - I think I was the last female on the planet to believe he was straight - Premise being that Greek men are NEVER Gay hahahaha But then again where does Greek come from???????? LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO

Okay have a great Tuesday... Mine is going to be running around paying bills... Want to help? HAHAHAH

Hope you well my Buddy ol' pal,

Hugs,

Charlene

May your days always be magical, and your nights filled with enchantment.

Hello Jeff,

Sorry couldn't resist the Heading choice... One can only **REMEMBER** & hope **THIS** is the day Jeff...

RELAXXXXXXXXXXXX just teasin' when I can hahahaha You are my EXTREMELY HANDSOME BUDDY... & I enjoy that, in itself...

Well on the skytrain ride back, and the ensuing Looooooooong shower (takes forever to wash off theatrical makeup LOL) I thought over our phone call... I accept your terms **IF** ((oh I can see you becoming agitated hahahaha)) you accept **ONE** of my terms... With me being your **BUDDY** (forever more I am your **BUDDY** introduced that way, etc. etc.) But my ONE term is this, I accept your terms of friendship (for now) providing that you ACCEPT my invitations (I don't expect EVERY invite accepted) but that you actually say **YES** to invitations... K? Like concerts, or dinner invitations, or movie premieres, I LOOOOOOOVE to enter contests, so you will never know what the next **EXPERIENCE** will be...

Relax on your idea/premise that **IF** Jeff says yes, "this" becomes complicated... No, it continues to be something fun/special/wonderful...

I enjoy watching you smile... That is where I am at, right now. Let's make Jeff **SMILE** in VERY interesting ways... HAHAHAHA k? & Quit worrying about **THIS** friendship becoming complicated...

I strongly believe that people are not "accidently" introduced... I think I am your Buddy to get you over your "phobia" of that to love/trust/become intimate with or "involved" in any way means the end of your world/life as you know it...

As I SLOWLY begin to learn about the beautiful handsome man named Jeff, I understand why you are so off on commitment (long-term, or ANY form) How does one heal the little boy that is sent to his grandparents? For love?

But let me tell you this, & it's corny, but true "You've Got a Friend in Me." You do. I am not going anywhere. I like you. I like Jeff. I adore his stories, I enjoy being with you, and I will be here, for you.

But it takes 2 to "make" a friendship. Correct? And even a friendship, takes a minor level of that dreaded word (for you) of commitment Oh, oh!!!!! Me? I would enjoy knowing that I could have a VERY handsome man, every now and then, on my arm, escorting me to whatever "EXPERIENCE" is mine, because I just won a crazy prize. K?

Yes, experience this summer with me, (adding **moments**/memories to our friendship), in many ways. I would very much like to do that with you. Okay? Yes it means, stepping outside of the "box" of your life. Oh, oh, again. But I promise you this, I will enjoy my time with you, AND it will never be boring.

How can you say no to that? A girl that thinks you are delightful and the experience WON'T be boring... I believe you and I are a special "something". What? Is yet to be defined, yes? So yeah, that takes a Yes, every now & then to getting together, and yes, never will any of our meetings be the same experience twice. 2 get-togethers, ours' - will never be the same twice. That is a given.

So that is my acceptance of your terms, that you accept my invitations, every now & then, and RELAX over whatever "this" is to becoming complicated. If I can share laughter with you, I am happy. Hear more of your stories, I am happy, chapeche?

Oh and a P.S. Send me some photos of you thruout the years, of you in your stage makeup. Or gigs. Would love that. Your stage persona, to me, right now, is a foreign entity.

Okay I am taking the Polkadotted creature out for a walk/run @ the baseball park nearby, you have a wonderful Sunday... Great Monday... Communicate soonest...

Namaste

Charlene

Okay here goes...

I am "in my 30's" and I truly have found out that I don't think that Cupid has struck me before this...

Here is me of late... Since I've met Jeff (or perhaps Alzeimer's is setting in, prematurely EARLY???) But so far since I have met him...

I went for a bike ride/bicycle... I forget it in the grocery cart, and only remember it when I reach for it on my ride home Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

I go clothes shopping (for THE outfit for making love with him, okay having hot SWEATY sex with HAH) And I leave my bike helmet inside and take the bags of clothing with me, but not the bike helmet. Yes, I remember the helmet when I feel my hair blowing in the wind as I cycle home. Since helmets are necessary, it's a very strange sensation...

Then I go grocery shopping, and yep, I pay for the groceries and wheel the cart out and YEP forget the bags by the till.

OMG! This is like being 15 all over again and my VERY FIRST CRUSH!

I can still feel his touch on my skin, I can still feel my hands touching his skin. OMG. This is bad. I am going to ignore him for a week. HAHAHAHA Perhaps I can "recover" LOL

Jeff - I just wanted to take this time to say a few things... 1st, I am in Vancouver tomorrow night (to pickup some cash) if you would like to connect for a milkshake w/a twist, call me after 8 p.m. & we can meet... Would enjoy seeing you... Also my feedback after our whole **GIGGLE** night together... I would like to connect that way with you, like that, again. No I am not going overboard, or becoming complicated. I like you, actually adore the nj... He is open, caring, touching and carefree. That Jeff I could fall for, the DJ (dressedJeff) on the other hand... Grrrrr... I want to tell you that you have a "special" friend here, that I would like to put forth that you can wander over here, anytime you like. If just to talk, after a day... Late at night, or you can email me, or we can do whatever, together. I would like to be "in" your world. I would like you "in" mine. No I am not pushing for "more" just that. NJ, I want more of, a special friend, I think you are. I thoroughly enjoy your stories. Your childhood amazes me, still. I would like to be there, for you, in a warm way. I would like to continue all of this, and enjoy nj and learn more about you. I would like you to feel comfortable talking to me, stopping by, enjoying a "special" friendship, with no limits. I am not going to "hurt" Jeff. I like him too much. Quit worrying about that "complication" thing i.e. If this occurs, she is going to be hurt. I am here for you, enjoy you and would like to be your special friend with benefits again. Yes, it's scary to reach out to another - but I am here... For you. You make me feel rosy and good. I am not really explaining myself, am I? A special friendship, with benefits, yes. W/no "expectations". Beyond the enjoyment of being together. I enjoy your smiles, your stories and I am going to show you that someone can care about Jeff, and he won't be HURT, k? I will never hurt you, quite the opposite. In fact. Just let me curl around you every now and then - working on that 24 hour thing HAHAHAHA & You make a girl VERY happy. Let's share this special friendship, k? And explore Vancouver together. That is what I would like to do, with you, and sometimes I would like that nj to burst forth. I will never reject you, Jeff - You've made a special friend, with benefits. There I think I have said enough... Wow you've read to here hahahaha [up] Now about tomorrow night... [ha] If you can name the tune in 5 beats, means you DO meet me tomorrow night **GIGGLE** If you can't, then you still meet me tomorrow night and I pay GRRRRRRRRR for the Milkshakes with a twist... [em]

Well here is a continuation of the entry of yesterday, I guess.

It is a dream that I had last night. I am writing it verbatim.

"Arlene" and I are in a hallway of a hospital. Right in front of a nurses' station in fact.

She is in front of the nurses' station and I am down the hallway where it vees off to either another hallway/where a door is (that is locked) or a wall of windows.

Somehow I know that we are on the 4th floor.

"Arlene" places her purse down on the floor, rolls up her sleeves and challenges me, "I am going to finally get you!"

She runs towards me, and I lightly shuff her out of my way. It is like being a bumper in a pinball game, but live. She, of course, is the ball.

She veers off in the direction of the door, wham! Bang! Into the door she goes. The doors do not move because they are locked. They are doors with a bar, that you have to press to open them. Because the doors are locked, the building shake.

The nurses at the station look at me, momentarily, I just smile and shrug. They continue on their business.

Like magically, "Arlene" appears at the other end of the hallway again. She charges me again, I lightly (it always is very easy for me to push her away from me - which is odd as "Arlene" is an extremely heavy-set woman, with an extremely large protruding belly).

This time that I push her out of the way, she careens off the ensuing hallway walls. Up and down, back and forth. Like a ping-pong ball that has gone mad. This is how she disappears down the hallway.

This charging and me hitting her like a pinball bar, goes on for like 16x. With "Arlene" none the worse for weear, always "appearing" at the other end of the hallway, charging me again.

Well how the dream ends is this. Once again "Arlene" charges me, but this time, she goes towards the wall of windows. In which she, headfirst flies through. Yet she does not scream on the way down.

I can hear her hit the pavement/parking lot below. Thud.

Then the commotion as dr's/paramedics/nurses attend to her, etc. I know that she is still alive, as I can hear her cursing every doctor/nurse, etc. attending to her. "I am going to sue the hospital, the city, whatever. What kind of windows are those, that one can crash through them? I ask you? Stupid fucking hospital, useless nurses. Fuck off, DR. Let me alone. I don't need you. I AM OKAY."

They strap her into the bed, and wheel her inside the hospital.

I pick up her purse, removing any identification of her person, so she becomes an unknown person.

I walk down the sidewalk, away from the hospital.

I return to my house, which I am renovating and I look up at it, and it's like a scary movie house. 3 stories high, with which it comes to a point. Windows, dark, all the way up. Red exterior. But I instinctively know that, inside, it's being renovated, by me.

I enter it, still holding "Arlene's" purse.

Interpretation of this dream should be interesting. LOL

Okay I have had something occur today that I just have to write about until I am spent.

First off, I pride myself on my self-control. i.e. Lack of temper. Because I am VERY aware of how volatile my temper can be. So I tend to walk away from verbal altercations. or anything like that.

Quick background; the person that I am going to talk about is 54? 55? Her name is, I will call her "Arlene". Her background is that she has 3 children. One died in surgery as a teen, which she has never overcome this grief.2 adult sons - one she does not talk to at all - due to she does not get along with his wife that he chose. "She's a witch/possessed."

Her other son, at the age of 30, for the first time, moved out of living with Mom. He said that he was living with his Mother because he felt obligated to, to take care of - Due to her having had a complete nervous breakdown, after her daughter died in surgery.

She successfully sued the doctor who botched the surgery. She will get another(2nd and final payment) 2.5 million in September. Until then she is living in poverty/close to - whenever she needs cash for "stuff" which means bingo or smokes - she borrows cash from her son. The one that is still talking to her.

In February of this year, her son (I will call Ted), had bought a car, 1956 Cadillac, which within the same month, broke down. In which she paid for the repairs - she told me were $4K in repairs??? $4K? That would buy my WHOLE freaking Geo Tracker! Yet she put that on her Visa. In 2 weeks, after these numerous repairs, car "blew up" due to negligence of the mechanic. Whatever??????????

Son Ted had car towed to a wrecker's yard - receiving approximately 200$ for the whole car. Nice $4K spent VERY wisely.

Oh in the time I knew her - approx. 2.5 years?? She borrowed $50K from the bank. So that is what she is living on. Basically. Whenever she runs into financial difficulties, the BofM ups her Visa amount, she can spend on by $5K.

So that is the background. Other than how we met. Approx. 3 years ago, I thought I had met a wonderful man - let me call him Mike - He ran his own company - landscaping - with his brother - had 2 kids - adorable of course. He and I hit it off, etc etc.

After 6 months, he asked me to move in with him, and I was "in love" so I said Yes.

In 2 weeks, he "took" me for $1500, I was homeless LITERALLY - as we had moved into a rental house in the middle of the month - Rent was due again, I gave him my 1/2 (600$) and I never saw him again - and when I returned hom from work, all of his furniture (and some of mine) were gone. Basically all that he could fit into a rental truck. Nice, eh?

So how I met Arlene? Was at a Women's shelter, where I went for food/clothing/counselling and the rest.

She was in a group I went to, for re-inforcement.

We've stayed "friends" for the past 2.5 years.

Okay since December 2005 -

Arlene at Xmas, tried to committ suicide by swallowing every pill that was in her house and drinking alcohol until she passed out. But before she passed out - she had the decency??? To call her son, that she was still talking to - of what she had done.

It was him that rushed over to her home/apartment to "save" her. She spent 3 days in the hospital, for observation. I guess is what it is called?

That is the background, basically.

Well in the last 2 months, the summer months, I have decided to lose weight by cancelling my car insurance and riding my bike everywhere. The only time this is an inconvenience really, is when I have to go buy groceries. So we were making it a bi-weekly "adventure" do you need to go for groceries? And making it fun. A time for us to get-together and talk and grocery shop.

Well whenever I would ask her for a ride, or she would call and ask if I needed to go for groceries, she would suggest a time that she would come over and we would drive over. She was never on-time, in fact, she would be sometimes 3 or 4 hours, sometimes even 5 hours later than the time that she originally suggested.

Since I work at home - singing telegrams - It was really not that "bad" just inconvient. But hey, it was a ride, right?

Well this past week, she informed me that she had just yesterday been diagnosed as a ClassII diabetic. I did not know even that there were different classes of diabetics. So off I go to the Internet to learn about Diabetes.

Well it said that classII diabetics were prone to blacking out - So when she did not show up at my place - Or answer her phone, or in my concern, I rode over to her place, beeped her front door, via the intercom - I thought OMG - she's in that diabetic shock coma.

Well I stood there at her front door - Wondering wtf I do, at that point? When I thought, well I have done all I could do humanly possible. Really. So I rode home - But enroute I thought - well I will just go to the grocery store and get what I could tonight and carry what I could in my backpack and one grocery bag. In the morning I would do same again, until groceries were all bought. The benefit would be that I would get Xmore bike rides, which would only be a benefit.

While I was locking my bike up - she rang me - where are you? As I have a cell phone - I was at your place, you weren't there - The traffic was horrendous took me forever to get there (I live on 92nd - she lives on 97th) - whatever.

So I said I am at the grocery store - You offered me a ride 6 hours ago, I left, go figure.

Well I will be right there - right after I call my landlord that the front door to this apartment building is not closing all the way - I don't want my apartment broken into - So I am going to call.

Whatever I am here, you offered me a ride, now you are saving the world again - one broken apartment door at a time. Yet you can't help out a friend. Marvelous. Whatever. I am done.

I will be there! Don't be such a bitch!

Bitch LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

So we grocery shop - in which she buys every windchime in the store - I stopped count at her putting 10 in the grocery cart. Yet she had no money?

So she begins grumbling I am hungry - are you done soon? I said yes, just milk/frozen lazagna.

Then when we were in the lineup to pay - you are not putting your stuff on the conveyer belt fast enough. I said, bite me.

Then outside I am starving. I suggested, a restaurant in the same mall/area as the grocery store.

When we sat down, she started acting strangely, I have shooting pains up my left arm, wait - I can't feel it!

I said, it's okay I am here with you, so if necessary, I can drive you to the hospital. So I am here.

We sit there with menus for 20 minutes, her mute.

Then the waitress comes, I order water and oj., she orders glass of iced water. I order a sandwich.

Then she blurts, "Do you think that you are Psychotic?"

I got her to clarify, what is psychotic?

Uncaring about others.

I replied, You are stupid. Yeah, I don't care.

The waitress interrupts for her order. She says she just wants the water.

I said, you let me order? When you had zero intention of ordering food? I am not sitting here eating alone. How literally fucked is that? Or enjoyable?

I said to the waitress, sorry cancel my order.

The waitress wandered off.

Yeah, back to that, I so fucking don't care, I offer to be there for you, to drive you to the fucking hospital. I am fed up caring for you. Every minute is wondering if you are dead. Nice friendship. I am tired of you showing up 6 hours later, I am tired of begging you to share my life - I am tired of waiting for the next phonecall you being dead.

Just tired.

I am going home and you can just fuck right off.

I followed her outside - Oh I can fuck right off? You can fuck right off? I don't care? How stupid are you? You only fucking hear negatives that people say to you. Well hear this you are FUCKED FUCKED FUCKED

Shut up!

What you can't handle the truth? I don't care who hears this!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE FUCKED FUCKED FUCKED

Get out of my face.

What about my groceries? Nice drive off with my fucking groceries fucked up bitch. Talk about uncaring. Psychotic. Yeah. Huh.

She zoomed off - enroute I get a phone call from my landlord who lives downstairs I need my parking spot!

She had left my groceries in his parking spot!

I left her a vile message on her phone machine - Something like a NORMAL friend OR person would not LEAVE groceries in the middle of a person's LANDLORD'S parking spot. Proof you are Fucked. A NORMAL person OR friend would stay until I got here (on my bike) and talked this thru - But noooooooooooooooooooooooo a psychotic person would run and hide and do her drugs at home alone and HIDE HIDE HIDE

Yeah, let's talk fucked here. I want to talk this thru and you are HIDING in your unfurnished apartment. Who's the adult here? YOU ARE FUCKED. You respect this friendship? You would deal with this right now, with a return phone call - because I know you listen to each and every one of your phone messages IMMEDIATELY upon receiving them - I've watched you a 1000 times do the same thing.

You don't call me tonight? Is telling me this friendship is over. Basically. Because Babydoll? You have pushed my buttons too fucking far this time - Having MY LANDLORD CALL ME ON A FRIDAY NIGHT BECAUSE MY GROCERIES ARE IN HIS WAY when my front door is 5 steps away? IS FUCKED FUCKED FUCKED FUCKED. NO matter how you look at it.

I went for a 65 km bike ride then I put my groceries away. Then I typed this.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. What a fucking Friday, to the start of a long weekend. YeeeeefuckingHaw.

My Poem for Jeff...

I am colour... You are black'n'white...
I am passion... You are a kiss with lips sealed...
I am perfume... You are leather...
I tell you I want you... You send me emails of Hello...

How do we find a middle ground?
I no longer want to walk alone, in this life...
You barely kiss me as a Hello.

I try to move slowly, stopped by the pain found in your eyes...
Momentarily.

The physical beauty of you, gave me pause, I stepped forward
with a smile, wanting to know you.

Reach out for me too, Jeff -
Not all women walk away -
This one will be there, to listen, laugh and tease -

Learn to know you and curl around you,
and add colour to your world -
While you add music to her's.

We have enough commonality that it has strength -
Enough individuality to keep it alive -

Dive - dive - dive -
Into the deep end -
Enjoy - Laugh - Live!

I welcome you into my world -
can you do the same?

Only time will tell -
I am there for you -

Forever?
Perhaps -
Beginning with laughter, dinners and hugs, drinks and drives to somewhere -
Anywhere -
Starting with a roadtrip or two -
With or without the Polkadotted creature -

Yes this female wants to be there -
With you -
For laughter, life and learning about you.
-charleneann

Typed in one sitting - Eyes closed, the song Wipeout playing in the background. Go figure. **SMILE**

Hello,

Here it is Monday... Woo Woo...

Okay 30 minute free flow...

First off, I want to write about my DREAM that I had last night... Wierd is an understatement.

It was wayyyyyyyyyyyyy back in the day. So I would say like 1985? 1986? I am young then (less than 20) and I am meeting my "cousin" Mark.

Why the word "cousin" is in " " is because he is not really my cousin, he has been given that as an Honorary Title as his family and my family grew up together. Actually at the age of 5, I decided that he was the Man for me. I chased him everywhere LITERALLY.

The most famous chase was around the water fountain that they had in their yard/at the cottage. Bright red it was. With jagged cement around it, circular. With an old lil' cottage right behind it. In which Mark would run into and slam the door and I would peacefully sit at the water fountain, content that I had "kind of" caught my man.

I could hear him stomping around inside and every now and then he would peer out the curtains, to see if I was still there. Of course I was, he was my beloved and he was caught.

Kind of.

But that was not my dream. That is the background.

Btw., this dream never occurred, as we grew up in the Prairies. No Ocean to speak of. Hah.

I was walking down a dock towards a boat - large sailboat that you could live on. With all the bells and whistles. As I reached the boat, Mark climbed out from below and I smiled at him.

"Hi Handsome!"

He smiled at me, and walked towards me with his arms wide open, for a hug. I quickly hugged him and did the Hollywood kiss-kiss.

I jumped onto his boat and followed him down below, where he had an extravagant lunch prepared, with glasses of white wine. I giggled and said, "What is the occasion?"

Then I noticed a large bottle of champagne, in the kitchen sink, with ice. "Okay, what IS the occasion, REALLY?"

He laughed, "We are going to have sex."

I started laughing, "Me? With you? Your days of gay-dom are over? My bodacious ta-ta's finally ring your bell? And why now?"

"I've been curious, about girls, never have been with one, I am 22 and I thought of you."

"Oh, THANKS! Me a curiousity! Wow, I feel so damn sexy. Yep, wine and champagne definitely needed! For this Seduction."

"I thought you wanted me, forever and ever, amen."

"I wanted you to woo me, chase me FOR A CHANGE HAH. Be My Prince. Not this, arrive on your boat, wine and a proposal."

I sipped some wine, giggled some, and thought it over, as I sat down to the lunch he prepared.

After lunch, of lobster! Lobster mess, me. I said, "Okay. Sucker for punishment I am."

We crawled into the captain's quarters - front of the boat and I opened the small galley window. And got the giggles. "I need more wine, this is insane. Crawling in bed with a self-professed gay man."

I crawled out of the bed and basically brought the whole champagne bottle. In the time of my grabbing the bottle, Mark became naked.

I laughed. "Of course you are blessed in that department, being gay and all. I hate you, you know that?"

I sipped the champagne, straight from the bottle, spilling some onto the bed, and Mark's right thigh, not covered by the comforter. He brushed my hair, out of my eyes, "My lil' lady, drinking straight from the bottle."

"Yeah, me lady enough to crawl into bed with you." Hahahahaha.

He began to get hard, and I said with a giggle, "Here, let me help you with that."

I promptly poured some champagne right over his hardness. He jumped and said, "Now I hate you."

"Ahhhh, it looked like it needed a shower. Tastes better champagne flavoured." Then I took him into my mouth, alternating drinking the champagne.

He mumbled, after awhile, "Hmmmmmmmmmmm, feels the same, except your lips are softer."

I giggled, "Girls bite it off, do men?"

"Somehow, I believe you could."

I sat up and drank some champagne, "Wow is the room spinning? Or - ?"

"We are on a boat, silly girl, of course it's moving. But perhaps you should slow down on the champagne." He removed it from my grasp.

As his attention was diverted, I climbed ontop of him.

He quickly looked up at me, "Wow! That CERTAINLY feels MUCH different! Ohhhhhhhhhh, so warm, moist and hot."

"Yes, hot for you, I have always been. And what does it get me? A drunken roll in the comforter."

I moved my hips slowly, "But you are mine, right now and I soooooo enjoy it right now."

"Surprisingly, so do I? Perhaps I am bi?"

I rolled over onto my back and said, "Shuddup and fuck me then, my bi-man."

He was quick to comply.

The end of the dream.

Hah. Mark, the love of my life, at 5. Gay at 18. This sexual encounter never occurred. So I do not know of the man is endowed or not. I've bugged him thru out the years, with email and all, to send me a full frontal nudity but nope. BASTARD.

HAHAHAHA But I love him still. How the hell he gets into my dreams, after all of this time? I don't know. He is damn cute tho. All true blue gay men are.

Interpretation of this dream? I am wondering if Jeff is gay. I want to sleep with him, and Mark was my first encounter of a gay man, that I wanted, wanted, wanted and BADLY. I think the interpretation is that simple.

Okay I have made the resolution with creating this blog that I would write for 10 - 30 minutes every day...

To "journal" my life's journey - If not "For My Eyes Only" Like does anyone else ever read a person's blog??? Just curious about that...

I am going to just "freeflow" and type.

Today... For me...

MAJOR PMS Day... How do you know that I am PMS'ing? My replies are tart... Usually they are "witty" today tart, to level of abrupt (on the fine edge-ness).

Things that piss me off... I am broke... Which I am only seeming to dig myself into a deeper hole every day BLAH My best friend is an agoraphobiac... Great for us socializing LOL I am over-weight... I attract men that are "closet queens" My daily sleeping partner is a...

Dalmatian...

Wow, so far, this PMS'ing rant sounds like a great stand-up routine for a closet fem-bot. Sheeeeesh.

Who says Sheeeeeeeeeeeesh? Like other than me?

I moved to Vancouver to take over the World. The acting world that is. Have I? No. Why the fuck not. I am cute HAHAHAHA

Must be my biting wit. Yeah, that's it.

I need sex. 1900-pleaseIneed-2-getlaid. HAH.

22 minutes left to type.

Sent out 300 - no better not elaborate that. Might get replies on here of why I should not do such a thing.

Okay let me fantasize...

If I was the last woman on earth and ABLE to produce off-spring... Who would I desire to be the Last Man on the Earth? Matthew Mcconnaughey. Definitely. Great teeth. Good height. Those eyes you can swim in - no wait drown in!!! And he seems to be a good ol' boy. With a touch of the stoner in him. :) Yeah, we'd have very cute off-spring.

In-between Matthew beating on his bongo drums. HAH.

19 minutes...

Thought for the Day Today - Don't camouflage your assets. Cute...

1 Man + 3 martinis = I am a Fox. HAHAHAHAHAHAH Better thought for the day. Yes I am sure that I was very attractive to Jeff the other night as I fed him alcohol. **EVIL GRIN**

Next week I have decided that I am going to replace "sex" with working out. Since I am currently NOT having sex, ANY amount of working out is a GREAT WORKOUT. I think that is how that logic works, right? So I am going to be an awesome babe in no time!!!!!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, it's 11:44 p.m. and I am faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaading.

Let me find a picture to end this with...

Oh, why I don't bungeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

Date Number Two With Jeff -

We? I? Jeff? Wait, I **EVIL GRIN** Invite Jeff to see a movie "Mission Impossible III" I heard that it was good and a 'must-see' on the large screen.

We decide on "cheap" night and not sure about which time.

We meet at the Skytrain/Metrotown exit and wander around the mall, finding the theater.

Btb., the movie sucks - DON'T go see it. LAME is an understatement. I just can't see Tom as a straight male - so obviously gay it's almost painful to watch him on a big screen 'making out' with a woman. Blah. And the female lead was so obviously chosen for her likeness to Tom's real-life "love" interest, not for her acting abilities.

So I was disappointed in the movie as I wanted 2 hours of stunts/special effects, zero drama. The MIiii tries to give Ethan/"Tom" a love interest. No thanks. Although a few of the stunts are breath-taking. Stolen very obviously from other movies - The running up the building ~ Spiderman... The blowup of the cars/trucks on the very long bridge ~ True Lies.

Laurence Fishburne as the male lead bad buy? I kept on waiting for Matrix lines to mistakenly spew from his lips. Oh and Tom's shades very Keanu/Matrix-ish I thought. So originality in MIiii? Very lacking.

Besides I had **sex** on my mind as to the how? I had zero idea. HAH. I've never been the lead in sexual encounters in the past and I wanted to touch Jeff, make him smile, if not outright purr... If not murmer my name, as he thrust inside of me for the first time - Yeah such thoughts did not go with MIiii hahahahah

After the movie we climb into Jeff's meticuliously clean Ford Explorer (no pets in his world OBVIOUSLY i.e. shedding Dalmatian) as I had given Jeff a burnt CD I made for him, as he drove me home, we or rather Jeff played the Name that Tune game.

It was hilarious - A cd of 80's tunes, being named by a musician/man that has chosen MusicAddict as his online nickname. A man in a band, who plays trance/dance, very awesome music - http://www.redcellaccess.com/ So this Name That Tune game was going to be great fun!!!

Okay most of the songs were from 80's soundtracks so after awhile Jeff just streamed them together "BreakfastClub16candlesAboutLastNight" I was like whatever...

We detour for martini drinks, pre-mixed, chocolate martinis...

Oh backtrack!!

First date, before going home, decided to detour to the Revolving Restaurant, where Jeff chose the drink based on 'I've never had a martini before...'

Which I said, 'Stick with me, boy, and I'll show you allot of things, you've never done before..'

Revolving restaurant, 11:30 p.m., Sunday and a very handsome man, go VERY well together!!

Get to my house, I very quickly let Bandit out for peeeeeeeeee (exciting yeah).

Jeff wanders around my home. I don't think he misses much. I am beginning to wander what my decor **REALLY** says about me???

Once Bandit is back inside, and I've inserted the CD I say, 'Jeff, let me show you something! Follow the girl!!'

He follows and I say, 'Look at my cool lighting for my bedroom and lie down on my awesome bed!'

Actually, I am quite proud of my bed - it's a driftwood bed frame which I am really quite fond of.

Jeff lies across my feet, I lie on my pillows, and Bandit lies by my head on the rest of the pillows. This is quite important later on in this story...

Okay in a teen romance, or a soft core porn, man would be playing with girl's toes, slowly moving up her ankle, stroking her leg...

But this is **MY** life we are talking about here...

So as the tunes mellow out, and Jeff takes a break of Naming Those Tunes... I say, 'Come here and snuggle with the girl...'

Which takes 10 minutes as Jeff does not like my pillow choice. !!!

How do women sleep around? I begin to wonder...

Successfully...

I just curl around Jeff, he begins to get antsy... Wait IS antsy - i.e. I have to get home, there's a dog I am house-sitting, he has glaucoma and he needs his medicine, has to have it every night, before I tuck in... '

I am like, I am making moves on you, and you are talking about a dog? And glaucoma? When I begin to giggle and say, 'Relax...'

Jeff turns towards me and I think, Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! He's going to kiss me!!! This handsome man is going to kisssssssssssssss -

When horror of horrors -

What would the WORST summer-campy movie insert here? Worst summer-campy 80's movie with John Candy insert here? Or Bill Murray? Or a John Hughes movie insert at this very moment?

Never anything as horrible as what actually occurred.

Bandit let one go. And not a SBD (silent but deadly) one either. But a 10 minute one. And loud.

Jeff was gone in a flash. Laughing so badly that he literally could not stand up straight. And saying, Oh that couldn't have been more perfect timing.

I am screaming, I am never going to have sex. Ever. Ever. Ever.

So we wander over to the front room and I say, Never in any movie would that scene ever be written. Never. Not even in someone's nightmares. OMG I have Jeff in my bed and that was not in my mind how it went down. OMG

Jeff could not stop laughing, and saying, Ohcomeonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn, we'll both be laffing about this tomorrow!

Tomorrow!!!!!!! What about right now? I want to cry!!!! And you are laffing. Laffing because that got you so smoothly out of intimacy.

Anti-commitment man, that would be my comic book hero would be for you. As long as we 'hang out' cool, intimacy - dog has glaucoma or it FARTS!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!

He kept on laffing.

Shuddup. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh I want to cry. Jeff! In my bed! Never in my wildest imaginings did it end like that!!!!!!

So he stood up and said, 'Come here, it's not that bad...'

'Oh comeonnnnnnnnnnnn! It IS THAT baddddddddddd! Watch - ' I lean forward to kiss him, and he can't kiss me because he's laffing so hard - 'See? Now forever more OUR FIRST KISS IS FOREVER ETCHED on your brain as a FART!!!!!"

I pound my forehead on his chest. Which makes him laff even harder, "Hah! That's funny! I've never had a girl pound her forehead on my chest before."

I said, "That is because a girl has probably NEVER STRUCK OUT WITH JEFF BEFORE. OMG what a FIRST to be."

"Oh, it's not that bad!!!!!!!!!!!! Here let me kiss you!"

Then I get the giggles. "Seeeeeeeeeeeeeee???????!!!"

I step away from him, "How are we ever going to progress past this??!! OMG Horrors!!!!"

Then like a bolt of lightning, I whirl on him, "Do you WANT to sleep with me?"

"Well not on a weeknight, when I have to get up at 6:30 a.m.!!!"

That strikes me as funny.

"Okay when? Fridays?"

That strikes him as funny, "Talk about being spontaneous!"

"Oh this is horrid! Horrid! Handsome Jeff IN MY bed! Never ended like this!!!"

I walk him out to the car, and we lean against his truck and laff some more, I get the giggles again, everytime he attempts to kiss me.

Then my cat promptly sits behind his back wheel, as he attempts to backup. I shooooooo her away, mumbling to Jeff's open window, "Oh that would be the end of this very bad b-level summer camp movie, 'As the handsome Prince gallantly drove away ~ he ran over her fucking cat!' "

Jeff had to brake because he was laffing so hard, he leaned over his steering wheel, "OMG! I always have so much fun with you!"

"Yeah, no sex but fun! The exact thoughts I think when I look at YOU. Yeah FUnnnnnnnn." Playfully I stick my tongue out at him, and say "Begone! I forever hate you!"

Jeff's beautiful smile as he left.

OMG how do women sleep around?

P.S.

With regards to the photo - That is Jeff - Black t-shirt/jeans. I would have taken the photo as Jeff looking over his shoulder, as he has the cutest butt - uh huhhhhhhhhhhhh. But the photo is very inaccurate in the fact that Jeff is not smiling. He is ALWAYS smiling when he is around me. Instantly when he sees me. So that non-smiling Jeff is not known to me.

If I were to post a picture of the Jeff that I have met, it would be a from the back shot, Jeff looking over his shoulder with his beautiful smile happenin' and a second shot/headshot/closeup - Jeff smiling where you can see his eyes more clearly. He has these eyes, that just are ... There. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, very there. If that makes sense.

No?

My reading of Jeff after a 2nd meeting? Intimacy is not his forte - He kisses with his mouth closed!!! And he's a watcher... As he kisses you... Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Seduce him? I do not even remotely know how to LOL

I think the lil' boy Jeff of 3???? Who's parents were splitting up, decided, maybe not even consciously that no woman was ever going to hurt him. So distance, distance, distance.

He's 41, never been married, never lived with anyone and never been engaged and I want to be with this man? Mama-mia!!!!!!!!

When you look at him, first time, you think sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxy... Then where does it disappear? I so don't want it to disappear again, like it did tonight.

Okay shoot the dog and try again, next time. More alcohol in Jeff's system, no dog and a Friday night NO PROBLEM.

Oh other background? The dog he is baby-sitting? Is the lead singer's of his band/female who's house he lives in/"rents" the basement - Has for the past 6 years? But she's married, hmmmmmmph. How married? And he's never been in a relationship? And when she goes away he gets HIM to dogsit??? Talk about maintaining that Jeff never sleeps around on HER while she is gone? Tight leash or what? Pardon the pun!!!!!!

Oh I just wanted to be naked with a beautiful man. How hard can that be? Nuts when you are me.

Jeff and I have been chatting on POF for a few nights, quite hilariously, via msn messenger - Being hilarious as I can type 98 w.p.m. and Jeff is not "quite there" so I get 3 lines then he replies... So my replies are hilarious...

After a few nights of chatting online, I said that Friday night would be awesome for us to meet.

Dinner was decided, originally at a restaurant (chosen by me) that in our wanderings thru gastown it no longer exists (yeah proof positive I get out lots HAH). So off we wander to my stand-by Old Spaghetti Factory...

Well in person, I will give Jeff that he **IS** the best looking male that I have ever met. That his photo does not give him justice for many reasons. In person? He laughs allot and talks just as much as me. Yes I talk just as much, in person, as I can type.

So dinner was great fun. Talking about anything and everything that popped into our heads. While I am introducing Jeff to my favorite drinks. Which Jeff is slim, and is basically a non-drinker, 2 margarettas, one spanish coffee later, he was quite fun.

I kept on teasing him and enjoying such a very good looking man's company, and oh! In person? My first "reading" of Jeff -

I met Jeff at the Waterfront Skytrain station, as currently I do not have my car insured, due to 2 reasons; wanting to lose weight - hence peddling my ass literally around town on my bicycle instead and 2, lack of funds. BLAH.

I get off of the Skytrain, wander to where we were to meet - right in front of the Starbuck's in the station - and there he was... I immediately liked how he was dressed - Tiiiiiight jeans, black jacket with tons of zippers, black tshirt and hairrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr More than me. Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick hair.

But it was not his attire that attracted him to me, it was how he sat on a bench. He "filled" the bench. He sat in the far right (from me) corner of the bench, with his hips thrust forward, left leg crossed over right leg, arms wide open - one on left leg/bent, and other on the back of the bench and he was people watching. So I could watch him to my heart's delight.

Then he stood up and smiled at me, and walked towards me. He walked like a cat; very sleek and smooth. Much later in our conversation I would hear that he took karate lessons thru out his youth. Hence his litheness as he walks.

After the dinner, and sobering up **WICKED GRIN** we decided? Jeff decided? That he would give me a ride home. Great. Chit chat and home.

Hug goodnight and Jeff goes home.