Okay today was an extremely bad day for me - I just seemed to hit a brick wall of Self-depression and Sadness.

Then I began surfing the channels of TV - & It showed that this week Lance Armstrong is going to b on a late night talk show this week...

And just that news stopped me from Crying Immediately.

Why the tears? Because I was hurt that Jeff had his CD out and has had his CD out for approx. 21 days and have I received one? Or 10? No. Nadda. It hit deep.

Lance Armstrong twists into this in this way for me...

He is everything that I desire in a man. Strong, strong-willed, I love to look at him - He has every physical trait that I have always liked in a man - Yes ever since my very first date - That hairstyle turned me on. Lean facial features. Lean of build and a badness about him.

I have met Men before that seem out-of-my Hemisphere. Before.

As of this day, I AM making this the goal, by my 40th Birthday (or ON my 40th Birthday) which will be March 16th, 2007 I would like to meet Lance Armstrong. I am going to write to Talkshows and tell them of my goal.

What is my Goal? I am going to Meet Lance Armstrong. Why should I meet him? Because I am going to be 85 pounds lighter, by my birthday and for my Gift of doing so - I am going to meet LANCE ARMSTRONG - I am going to ride around Stanley Park with Lance Armstrong after I have successfully LOST THE WEIGHT.

Starting tomorrow a.m. I am going to monitor the weight loss and daily write to Lance Armstrong.

He fought the disease of Cancer - I am going to fight the dual diseases of obesity and depression.

Here is my first plea to Lance Armstrong;

Dear Lance Armstrong -

I have read your books and my favorite quote of yours is:

"I rode and rode, & I rode. I rode like I had never ridden;

punishing my body up & down every hill I could find...

I ride when noone else would ride."

-Lance Armstrong

(accompanied by Johann Bruyneel, trains for his first Tour de France after cancer)

If you can come back from Cancer, lying in a bed, day after day - I can get on my treadmill (& 5 other excecise equipments featured here in my home) and change my diet (BIG TIME, pardon the pun)... Drink 10 glasses of water/day and Live Strong!!!

Look at my pluses, instead of supplicating myself to men that are not worthy of my breath, never mind my time.

First my hair colour change, then my attitude change and now - I have 9 months to a re-birth!

I am going to write you a letter (I found your snail mail address online to a Texas address) and I am going to write, actually pen you a letter - And tell you how you have inspired me. Stopped me from a Doomsday Depression.

Tell you of my dream - to meet you on my 40th and to tell you where. Stanley Park, Vancouver B.C. CANADA. March 16th, 2007. 4 p.m. I would be extremely honoured for you, Lance Armstrong to join me in a bike ride that day.

After I have lost 85 lbs.

Right now I have Nothing. Single, animals that love me. Solo and have been solo (no MALE relationship for like forever) but that is going to change from this day forward.

My blog now has a name Lance LIVESTRONG Armstrong. He is my armband, to health. Lower cholesterol and lower blood pressure.

Thank you for being such an inspiration Lance, to me.

Good night, for now.

Ms. Charlene Sieffert

Well, well. Another day, another blog.

First off, lead off with a good joke. So here's one:

Yikes that is supposed to be a VIDEO lol

Let me see if it is...

Oh other note? After sending that email to Jeff, his reply? I will get back to you when the CD is out. NICE. NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT...

Charlene Ann

hahahaha I just wanted the picture... never mind the contest blurb...

won a cd recently - entered the contest because of the cutey ON the cd cover (i am officially a "DOW" - dirty ol' woman LOL) as i surf the net i find out that the cutey was born AFTER i even grad HAHAHAHAH omg

but the cutey is teddy geiger... and his cd is AWESOME!!!!! IF you get a chance to buy or burn his cd - DO SO!!

besides being a CUTEY beyond compare - he looks like all the boys i dated at that age BIG TIME - and talented!!!

the song i love? beyond like control? FOR YOU I WILL (CONFIDENCE) omg i am not one to have the confidence to tell someone how i feel? but "for you i will" niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice - in a good way.

he is a beauty - true, but his talent will keep him touring, i think, for many years to come. now that i know "who" he is? i definitely WILL go see him - damn missed him this time around GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR and the tickets were only 13.50 lol next time around will probably be 42.50 lol

teddy???????????? love ya! a DOW fan, fer sure!!!!!!!!! (as i listen to the cd for the 3rd time lol)

charleneann

FOR YOU I WILL (CONFIDENCE)

lyrics - T. Geiger, B Mann

Alright yeah

I'm wandering the streets in a world underneath it all

Nothing seems to be

Nothing tastes as sweet as what I can't have

Like you and the way that you're twisting your hair round your finger

Tonight I'm not afraid to tell you

What I feel about you

CHORUS:

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have

For you I will for you I will

Forgive me if I st-stutter

From all of the clutter in my head

"Cuse I could fall asleep in those eyes

Like a waterbed

Do I seem familiar

I crossed you in hallways a thousand times

No more camouflage

I want to be exposed

And not be afraid to fall

CHORUS 2:

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have

And cannonball into the water

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have

For you I will

You always want what you can't have

But I got to try

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have

For you I will, for you I will, for you I will

For you.

If I could dim the lights in the mall

And create a mood I would

And shout out your name so it echoes every room

That's what I'd do

That's what I'd do

To get through to you

CHORUS2

For you, I will...

Hello Jeff -

I read online that your RedCell cd has been released but I don't get any copies - NICE. So I asked for 10 - (I promised same to peoples). You can, mail them to me (since you OBVIOUSLY don't want to see me PHYSICALLY?) to: Vancouver, B.C. V5X 4V7

I ask you out - you are always busy - One can only come to one conclusion - Yet I would like to be your friend? Yet I get a closed door every invitation?

Last invitation I get the message back that you had friends over - You've never invited me over "into" your world - Nice, again.

Just a few questions that girlfriends toss at one - When girlfriends get together. Why hasn't he invited you over? Even as a friend? NICE. Was the resounding word.

Was it because we had sex? That was or is a big no-no in Jeff's world - so the female no longer exists once such a thing occurs? Yet I said Yes to your statement that you would like to be friends - Yet you are always BUSY. Yeah I am wondering over here.

You've got my telephone number - Email address, etc etc Yet no initiating contact from you. WHY? So no even to friendship? You are not the man I "saw" you as??????? Initially? Where is that smiling Jeff? That I liked IMMEDIATELY? HIDING? WHY?

Always goes back to why. I have chopped off all of my hair and its all curls and blonde. LOL It's above my ears and angled at the back. God my neck is so white.

For the month of July I have a transcriptionist job so I am in Vancouver until the 21st, weekdays. I am mobile tho after 5 (I want to buy a new car & this job pays good so I might have a new one end of July).

Was I too messy? Too fat? Too what? That I am not even worthy of what? Jeff's friendship? ZERO Feedback from you, gets these rambling emails. Love ya Hun was and is a joke. Love is expressed in ACTIONS in my world. Like being a Friend. Hanging out.

Okay I am confused. Want to hear from you, want to receive 10 R/Cell cd's one signed. Oh is that where Love ya came from? I wanted the CD signed that way.

A man not of his word. NICE. Is my girlfriend's overall conclusion. Said you wanted to be friends hangout - hasn't occurred - Promised cd's - not received. So you are labelled NICE. But we are "just" disposable Island girls. Right? My feelings are not worthy of a discussion. Friends, I thought we would have had a BLAST, I think?

Your new blonde friend, (we did it this a.m.)

Me

I know I "sound" pathetic" in this posting - But I had CONFUSION in any form. I like everything "in its place". WTF is where I am left with this guy. So yeah, I post THIS.

Dream:

Background:

When I was 25, the man pictured left, let's call him "J.C." for like, say, JamesCurtis... Moved in with me. After a drunken me, on a late Friday night (as we were having sex in a very cooling of water shower), asked him to. I did not think he heard me, amid the "powerjet" force of the water.

My dream last night:

I am lying on my floor, on my bean bag chair, relaxing (but I am not "here" in my house - I am in a townhouse and it has LARGE bay windows, which I am sitting/lying in front of and skylights, which I had been gazing up at, "watching" the stars). When my doorbell rang.

I jump up to get it, and it's J.C. It is like I had NO reaction to him being at the door. But, in reality or "real time" right this moment? It has been like 20 years. No wait - 13. In my Dream? J.C. has not changed - AT ALL.

It was a disastrious breakup - I won't say more. But in my dream? All was peachy - as if NONE of the bitterness occurred - kindof like a stepping back in time? But I did not change as I stepped back in time? Or rather J.C. stayed the same - I was Today's Charlene. If that makes sense. Yeah - I am Today's Charlene and J.C. is Yesterday's version, in today. Got that? LOL

So I answered the door - and calmy/no reaction, invited him in and told him that I was watching - The Stars. And we both layed down on the floor/bean bag chair. Time went slow, ad the sky above darkened into a night sky.

We were talking and kissing, softly - Mainly I was curling around J.C. That had been my "Favorite" Thing to do WITH J.C.? To just lie beside him on a Lazy Sunday morning - And talk. We were doing that now.

Somehow, within the conversation I said that Yes, it would be fine for him to move in with me "Again." I said that if he did not like any of my decor, I could get "rid" of it, minus the dog/cat, that just happened to lumber in right then. Which was "correct" being my Dalmatian and my white kitty.

He stood up and walked around and moved a few of my bookshelves around, and that was the only "changes" he made. As he did so, I petted the Dalmatian.

Then he excused himself, to go outside and he started bringing "stuff" inside. I started giggling, saying, "You KNEW that I would say Yes. You had this all "Planned."

Instead of anger, I just giggled and kissed him on the cheek, as he wheeled in his 10speed bike. "I was always charmed easily by you, no worries - I love you. Always have, always will. This feels good, this time."

He turned and looked at me, "I did not know, I HOPED. That you'd say yes."

He continued the glanced and I smiled up at him, and kissed his lips, whispering, "It's all good."

He stated as he walked out the door, once more, "I have a red Ford Pickup now."

"Good."

He continued to bring in cardboard boxes and I watched, silently as I drank a large glass of wine, white.

And that is how the dream ended.

Wierd. I had not in my life, of late, thought of J.C. for like a year? We had communicated on email - he holding onto his anger/"hatred" of me? I was a slut/whore/crazy/nuts - Reinforced by his wife - blah. Whom I had never met, in this lifetime? Yet she "knew" that I was all that? I quickly labelled her as extremely STUPID socially - As every story, especially a failed romance - has 2 sides. Yet J.C.'s was gospel, mine was rotted garbage? HAH. J.C. told me, she was more of me, as she had 2 degrees (I failed at the attempt at one). Funny how he forgot it was BECAUSE of him - Me OR the degree? I chose him. STUPIDLY.

Why am I dreaming of him, returning at this time? Not sure. Don't know AT ALL.

Would love this dream INTERPRETED.

CharleneAnn

From:
staff@thecelebritycafe.com Add to Address Book
Subject:
Your Celebrity Sighting has been posted!

Thank you for writing your celebrity sighting for the contest.
Title : Anthony Michael Hall
Category : Celebrities/Male/H
One Line Summary: Spotted in Vancouver BC CANADA
Description : Anthony Michael Hall is shooting The Dead Zone in Vancouver and I have seen him
"around" Vancouver. He has grown from the "Geek" of the 80's to quite a handsome guy, with a great smile and wink. He's a charmer!!!
Contact Name : Charlene
Contact Email : chargirl90210@

You'll soon be able to see your story at:
http://TheCelebrityCafe.com/sightings/
Should you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask.
Sincerely,
TheCelebrityCafe.com

Anyone who is a Teen of the '80's knows who Anthony Michael Hall is - the geek in all of the true cool '80's movies... Sixteen Candles... The Breakfast Club... Turned down Pretty in Pink (didn't want to be typecast/go figure!!!)

I wanted to date him - loved the funny geek guy in high school. LOL.

Today? Seeing A.M.Hall in Vancouver? He smiled and yes, winked. And he is TALL, and his eyes are bluer than mine. So that IS blue **SMILE** Got the impression he was walking somewhere and was late... But not to my place or my 4x4 HAHAHAHA

Other celebrity sightings in Vancouver of late? The actor that plays Lex Luthor in that Superman show shot in Langley - OMG is he ever TINY! Slim AND tiny! But a beautiful shaped head!! And a very sharp dresser. Blue shirt, blue pants. Which worked. Where did I see him? At Aboriginal Days in Vancouver and yes, he ate the banick (sp?) and salmon like the rest of us. Wait no - he used a knife and a fork - Whereas I chowed down and ate with the ol' fingers **SMILE** And I put peanut butter on my bannock (sp?) Which made it wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy better. But one complaint - It was not the bannock (sp?) I remembered of my Manitoba Metis memories. Wayyyyyyyyy different.

Oh and I met an Oracle at the Aboriginal Days - http://members.shaw.ca/bud.oracle/ Totally pleasant guy - Totally scared dog - Which I fed all my doggie treats I had in my bag. Dog was still timid even after I fed him a bag full of treats. Bit strange. I am going to go to the webpage and fill in my information on his guestbook and ask Dear Oracle - How much longer am I going to be single? Or are our birthdates compatible? Being March 16th versus November 13th - :)

So that is my news of late -

CharleneAnn

Father's Day The Poem -

I wander thru today -

Wondering wTf?

Exactly half my lifetime ago, today -

I moved from my Province of Manitoba

to British Columbia

Because of the Love of a Man -

My Daddy

My Daddy

My Daddy

Today?

I have sent him a Father's Day present -

Which he has not acknowledged -

Yesterday?

I spent a day with a casual friend

Who was crying tears over her Departed

Father.

Yet mine no longer acknowledges me -

Do I take the blame?

For being Mentally Ill?

For being the less than perfect

Daughter? Child? Woman?

That Daddy Desired?

I can feel my mind spinning out of control today -

Wondering If...

Suicide Is Painless?

I am facing Homelessness -

Scared out of my fucking Mind.

Yet I can't afford my Anti-Depression Pills- My isn't that Irony???

Let me digress -

Even at thirteen years of age -

I was running TO my Daddy

Daddy

Daddy

DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Leaving behind abuse, of a step-father's hand, belt and whips

I arrived on your doorstep

Shut down, I was, for thirty days I did not Utter a Word - you sent me back.

Nineteen, I returned -

All fresh-faced and alive

I was moving in with my

Daddy

Daddy

Daddy

For my twenties I loved 2 other men, beyond Daddy -

Neither were good enough for me, or Daddy -

He put them down - I walked away from both - Desiring Daddy's approval more.

During the same time, Daddy married wayyyyyyyyyyy below himself -

She was crass, a drunk, a pill-popper; Have another Valium Michelle -

In a drunken stupor the week before the wedding I asked; Do you love My Daddy? - -> Your money y'mean? Oh yessssssssssssssss, I do!

Step-mother meant a beautiful step-sister -

I loved right from the start,

Her heart too was turned away from me...

Daddy

Daddy

Daddy

During this time of wedded "bliss"

Daddy lost one ball to testicular cancer

And the other? Step-mother swallowed whole.

Grab a back-bone Daddy

Why did step-sister get my Grandmother's car, when I drove a beater?

Why does step-sister get eighteen presents at Xmas and I get one?

Why am I never number one for you?

Why do you tell me to turn to Welfare when I face homelessness?

When you are there? With your 9.5 millions in your pockets, spilling forth?

Daddy?

Daddy. . .

Daddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What did I do to warrant such disregard?

Why can't you speak up for me once?

When your Lowlife wife says, Me or Her, not both?

I love you whole,

I love you pure

Blood is thicker than water, so I was told, ONCE.

My heart is broken, I don't know what to do -

As my mental illness, alone, spins out of control -

Don't you love your little girl lost anymore? Not acknowledging my Present this year???

Did you ever?

Or just wanted the perfection?

Of skinny, pure and true?

Sorry I arrived with imperfections -

But my love for you was always True...

Daddy... Daddy... Daddy...

Today I choose a knife -

Slowly draw it across my jugular -

Or perhaps I will wander downtown and grab a needle and airbubble death?

I wanted you to be there for me

ONCE.

Daddy, Daddy, Daddy -

Goodbye -

-charleneann

Theatresports - Improv

www.vtsl.com

A MUST-SEE!!!! Rated by Me. I went last night; June 14th, 8 p.m. Show.

When you first settle down in your seats, the Host (I did not catch his name - he talks wayyyyyyyyyyyy too fast) Introduces the rules and the fact that there is Audience judges and that the rest of the audience is free to boo or cheer the judge's rulings of score (1 - 5) Then the teams are introduced. But I can only remember one teams' name - Embarrassing WetSpot.

Alcohol is allowed into the facility. With signs posted 'Please return the glasses...' Not sure if anyone past me read same signs LOL

Here is an email I sent for feedback; (via the website stated above)

Hi, I just wanted to send feedback - I went to see the show Wednesday night on the 14th, of June. Okay my rating is HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA to infinity. My favorite team was Embarrassing Wetspot HAHAHAHA With their team being FANTASTIC My favorite person was, I believe his name was Randy??? He was dressed in white tshirt and khaki pants. He told me to shut up once but recovered after the break somewhat, and asked me a ton of questions about my first kiss. i,e. Ricky the redhead... Just in the retelling it was BAD but the improv was Warped but HILARIOUS. Oh I have a quick question - Randy single? HAHAHAHAHA A fan, I'll be back, I won more tickets, so I'm hooked NOW!!!!!! I am even blogging and linking to this site and telling the world that reads my blog (by accident) about my great fantastic fun I had last night. Overall, BRAVO guys! Oh and loved the soundeffects improv. The Drew Yoga one - ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my tummy still hurts from laffing over that one!!!!!

Yes that is some of the improv that was done last night - I was asked all about my first kiss i.e. How old were you, when you experienced your first kiss? OMG hahahaha 13. Where did it occur? A bike path. WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT? OMG It's already interesting. OUCH hahahahaaha What was the fellow's name, that you experienced your first kiss with? Ricky. What did he look like? A redhead. OH REALLY. Hahahahaha Yeah. (Redhead men are cute, I was thinking.) Did anyone witness the first kiss? Yes. WHO? My brother. OMG now this is getting warped, if not outright wierd. How would you describe Ricky in one word? Cute. How would you describe your brother, in one word? Spastic. SPASTIC? YOUR BROTHER? Yeah HAHAHAHAHA I couldn't talk anymore I was laffing so hard.

I realized how very bad, JUST in the telling of my first kiss was. But it went down like that. Further background; we had just moved from Winnipeg to a small prairie town - smaller than a suitcase. Believe me.

I cried for 3 days when we moved. Moved from the sanctuary of multitudes of cousins living nearby to knowing noone at all. Very traumatic to anyone, nevermind a 13 y.o. female.

On the 3rd day, I went for a bike ride and quickly found a bike path. Within this bike path, there was a redheaded boy. I zipped by him, barely glancing at him. ((Actually I was blinded by tears, and did not want him to see I was crying.)) Not cool.

When I could no longer see him, or him/me, I sat down and let the crying burst forth. I did not hear Ricky ride up, I was so busy crying.

"Why are you crying?" Ricky asked.

"Oh, what do you care?" Noone cared, for me, at that point. We had just moved away from everyone that loved me.

Ricky sat down beside me, on a very large rock I was sitting on. "I know what will fix your crying."

I was interested enough to look at him, directly, for the first time, seeing only friendly eyes, looking back at me.

Without another word, Ricky leaned forward and kissed me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was so surprised, shocked - That, yes, my tears immediately dried up and I kissed him back! Without thinking it over.

That began our kissing fest all through my High School years. I would go on and meet Ricky's sisters - Twins Chrissy and Cathy. Great fun and laughter. And whenever I would wander over to their house - Ricky would be hiding nearby, grab me and kiss me soundly, telling me how beautiful I was that day.

I would continue on my way to the house and noone but the two of us, the wiser. Or at dances, Ricky would be there, and sometime throughout the evening, he would find me and kiss me soundly. Or he would find me walking to somewhere, and ask me if anyone male had hurt his favorite female, in case he would have to punch them out. I would giggle and say no.

Ricky never asked me out, just was my Kissing teacher.

Never could figure out Ricky, beyond the point how VERY GOOD of a kisser he was. Cute, funny and caring. I would have married my Kissin' Ricky. But he never even asked me out. But kissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss WOW.

I would love to find my Ricky Hill again. My bright RedHead of my youth. He helped me meeting friends, in my newly hated town. He held my hand during a very tough transition, and listened that long day to a teary-eyed 13 y.o. girl cry the afternoon away, telling of her bad move, from everyone that loved her.

Then he smiled and kissed me once again, as we rode down the lane to meet his fantastic sisters that would definitely be my Best Friends!

Ricky Hill - if you are out there? Charlene misses you, and needs a Kiss about now. If by fluke, you read this - Reply Ricky Hill of Smalltown, Manitoba - WHERE ARE YOU NOW?

Dear Jeff -

Okay - You said NO to my invitation tonight/Theater... Grrrrrrrrrrrrr...

Jeff? I am hoping that it's NOT going to be FOREVER that all of my invites you say No? To? Because then it's a very ONE-SIDED "friendship" ???

It is like this - I like you - I am not going anywhere - From the brief bio I did glean from Jeff (in between breaths of my talking way too much - the enthusiasm of having nj in my bed hahahahaha) People are very good at leaving Jeff. So Jeff has internalized it, that no way is ANYONE EVER going to "get" that kind of power again... My interpretation...

Well you have made a friend here, and I am not going anywhere. I like you. You can call me (24/7) I enjoy you, your humour matches mine (you actually get my jokes) I want to share things WITH you... Hard to do when you keep on saying NO????? Grrrrrrrrrrrrr...

Yes, I will continue to invite you to whereever. Or you can just call me to say Hello - After (the first time) I pick up my dropped phone - I will be quite enthusiastic again... **SMILE** But a friendship takes 2, Jeff... And it does take a minute step outside of your black'n'white world - Stepping outside your box.

But I am here - For you. That I can and will promise you, here and now. Pretty heady stuff, all that.Yes, you will get more invites - Because I am the eternal optimist where YOU are concerned? Why? Jeff stayed in my bed, beyond his comfort level ONCE - That in itself gives me HOPE he **WILL** say yes, to my overtures AGAIN... No not sexual... Just invites... Wherever... Please say yes, k?

Or just invite me out for dinner That would please me to no end. You pick the restaurant and I will be there... With or without bells.

Oh another note? I've lost 15 lbs. I cut off 5 inches of my hair and it's AUBURN now. Would you know me to see me now? I am not sure... Would you? Or would you walk right by? Hmmmmm?

Invite me out sometime Jeff, get unbusy... Very boring that/hiding behind your work? And I realized, I don't even know WHAT your JOB/JOB is? You've never told me. Why is that? Very curious that. But DARE to invite me out for Dinner - Deal? See how COMFORTABLE that is & we will go from there... Deal or no deal? You name the restaurant... Skytrain accessible Please LOL

Hugs to you Handsome, Bandit & Babies say Hi.

P.S. A chickenJeff? You are going to miss a GREAT show tonight - It's at the Revue/Granville Island and if you DARE to change your mind? Tickets are still available. 8oclock show. I am taking a G/FRIEND before you think you would be not welcome. Besides she'd LOVE to meet the petrified "rockstar" lol TEASING TEASING...

I am wearing a seethru dress, short, lingerie underneath, unsure about the shoes yet (going for height or comfort of cowboy boots). Gelled major hair and sparkles in it. **IF** I get on stage - IMPROV remember? - I want to SPARKLE!!! Dare to step outside your box and venture to G/Island... **GRIN** Or stay in your safety Box. Or Invite ME for dinner. Anywhere. Is fine by me.

Oh future invite - November 13th - 2006 - 7p.m. You are cordially invited to Suspension Bridge Restaurant... Wonder why? Hmmmmmmmmmm? There you have advance ENOUGH notice to NOT say NO. **SMILE** Everyone deserves to be SPOILED on their day... I will, you, that day. Rule of BirthdayClub? Can't say no to Invite.

I just wanted to take this time to state - PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE click on that lil' blue box/stationary about blogs - Why?

Because when it hits enough "hits" I get 100$ Support your broke Blogger (which is Me) Big time HAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh another note? For those that like to BUY stuff??? I have 100's of CD's for sale - 3$/each or Pottery - all kinds of colours - again 3$ each... Or 100's of VHS movies for sale too - 3$/each... Dancing gorilla's - 10$/each (I have 2) or 2 for 15$... A halloween Animated Decoration; White gogo boots that "dance" to These Boots are Made for Walking HAHAHAHA Child's floating air mattress for the pool (shaped like a fish) 10$... Abstract coloured Shower curtain; 10$ Oh, for those Naughtier readers - I have an animated adult toy for sale; Gspot Stimulator - Before I get comments galore I won it at a damn sex toy party I went to LOL 40$

Other things that come up for sale I will list!!! So stay glued to my Blog HAHAHAHA

Just post a comment, and ask about any - Pottery or CD's, or whatever, for purchase. Small delivery charge and you can pay via my Paypal account. It's that simple!

I am just trying to stop my packrat-ness. Supposedly it's a compulsion of mine. LMAO Like I need another one???????????

Thank god for so many friends always having garage sales. HAH. Here! Put THIS in your garage sale **EVIL GRIN**

Sometimes you are Given Silent Angels.

Angels that come across your path, to inspire you in your world.

One such person I met was Author Wayne Russell. www.wizeoldphart.com Hahahahaha Or you can email Wayne at barwaynerus@yahoo.com

Mr. Russell was at a book signing promotion at Saveon Foods, and as I was struck by his enthusiasm about life.

I strongly believe that we are losing a great piece of history, as our populace ages. Mr. Russell, is a great, humourous person to meet in person. Dressed in a fantastic fedora hat/white and a welcoming smile - even if I was not buying his book **GRIN** He had 5 minutes to talk to me. I love the photos he had on display. Go to his page - Buy his book - Do not lose a great piece of history! Told with humour, by Mr. Russell. Tell him that Charlene sent you - Enough people tell him that, perhaps he WILL finally autograph a book for me, a fan!

Mr. Russell showed me that Senior is not boring. Tomorrow is Golden!

The 2nd angel I did not meet in person, but I was greatly affected/effected?! by. Kyle Maynard the wrestler. Normally I do not pay too much attention to wrestlers - Canadian High Schools? We don't partake in that sport. But Kyle was born without appendages - arms or legs.

Yet he has inspired millions of people. He has even written a book "No Excuses."

I would love to meet Kyle one day, as I cried and cried, when I saw him on The Oprah Show. Put all my "miseries" into perspective. Yes I am looking at homelessness, etc etc But I am alive! Kyle, if you are ever in Vancouver - you have a fan - Or a tour guide **SMILE** Sushi is a **MUST** in Vancouver!!! Or if you are ever doing a speaking engagement - let me know! Love to be there! ((Like he's reading this))

Kyle's webpage http://www.kmaynard.com/index.html "It's not what I can do; it's what I will do."

Kyle inspired me to continue and not committ suicide today. I will DO, and do and do... Thank you Kyle.

Okay I am soooooo confused over this one - Here is his email of late -

Wow, I've been mega spammed by Charlene! lol . Wow you've been busy today(maybe keep the text's down to just a few? ). Thanks for the song, it was funny, you're a very creative person. I'll definitely pass on the Merritt festival, lol, my concept of "hell", haha, country music and surrounded by thousands of rednecks- Stop the World!!! I Want OFF!!! Thats not malicious humour, all in fun. And I never advise anyone on hairstyles, recipe for disaster! I'm sure you will make the right hair colour decision. Its like that famous lose/lose question "does this dress make me look...." fill in the blanks, is there a safe answer? Anyways.... Yes, I've been pretty busy today. Congrats on the free ticket win! I have more after hour work commitments this week(some day all this work will pay off..ya right), I'll have to pass on Wednesday. But thanks for the offer! Have a great week-Jeff

I am trying NOT to take the above as a "SOFT" FOAD type of email, but I am remembering that guy who was on Oprah - that "He's NOT that into YOU!!!" Guy and his premise was basically that **IF** Some guy IS "into" you well NOTHING will stop him from being near you, beside you, basically INTO you **GIGGLE**

Well the email from Jeff is basically saying I am busy, busy, busy, Work, work, work... Yet last week? He could "detour" from work to go on a 3day hiatus? And with me? He can't even go to a 4 hour evening?

OMG - This hurts. I LIKED him. I LIKED HIM. He made me LOL, and giggle, and have fun - RELAX. We "connected" I thought? And yet? Nothing, now? Yet his emails are not outright saying F/O or go away? Yet no to every suggestion, I give?

Oh I am trying not to cry over my foolishness or my actually LIKING someone - BLAH.

What a fucking boring blog this is.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ, even I the writer am falling asleep................

A Poem Named Jeff

She walked into my world - as fast as can be -
Grabbing me and before I could take a full breath, told me to my lips -
"You need me, I am here to stop the pain of that lil' boy lost..."
With that our first kiss -
Initiated by her -

CHORUS -

How does one keep up to that?!
How does one keep pace?
Does one run beside?
What, actually does one do?
So, I as the Man, wrapped my arms around her too...

Many nights later -
She introduced me to the love of
Text Messaging -
And the dirty talk of that -
Come over and let's be FWB...
WTF is that?

CHORUS -

During the night of lust, passions and thrusts,
She turned and whispered to me,
Soft words, I barely heard - as she caressed my hair -
"Don't worry, my beauty - I too am scared -
Of the thing called darkness -
Many a bad thing has occurred to me there -
But with you, I too, will begin to no longer fear -
You will heal me too... "
My fiery witchy woman was scared?
I turned and covered her lips with a kiss,
Letting that be our seal of Togetherness.
I could not say the words -
Oh not yet,
If ever - ???

CHORUS -

Today I spend my days busy busy busy
Far away from her, not wanting to dare
Not wanting to care -
How does one - How does one??

CHORUS -

Today is the beginning of our Tomorrow
Yesterday was the loss of my Today, as I knew it,
Do I dare say to my wild woman of flight
Yes, tonight IS the night
I dare to care?

CHORUS - fading away

On another note - I listened to your webpage today as I bought another soundtrack yesterday - at another garage sale (TG for those!!!) I bought DEMOLITION MAN - I would love to share that CD with you... Sounds allot like yours... i.e. http://www.redcellaccess.com/#

IF (and that's a VERY BIG IF LOL) I managed you? I would market you as a writer of soundtrack music... The more that I listen to your music the more my "ear" tells me how VERY marketable it is... How marketable YOU are... With your physical beauty and your god-given talents (as many of us CAN'T play musical instruments HELLO) I have come to the conclusion that you could be a MULTI-MILLIONAIRE many times over... Like come on? David Foster is famous? Look at the dribble he puts out LOL Okay ONE album of his (ok 2 - About Last Night & Chariots of Fire - otherwise?) Blah. YOUR talent could/should be world-wide known. I could so easily step in and market you, but instead I am over here, mute LOL & Let you be... So good of me, yes?

You are talented... That I strongly believe. I am a great marketer (is that a word?) LOL The 2 of us could rock the world...

But you stay safe over there and I will bug you with many an email... Perhaps the house cleaner I am using is kicking in... Nahhhhhhhhhhh I want nj to wander over again But that won't happen again Either BLAH I so detest not getting my way HAHAHAHAHAHA

Instead I remember our night together and let you have your decision of No to the Benefits Grrrrrrrrrrrr... But you agreed to friendship and I am not seeing you at all, either...

Okay I am finishing housecleaning... & Doing other naughty things... LOL

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I want to see you again for another reason - I've changed 2 things about myself and I want to see HOW OBSERVANT the beauty named Jeff is? Can you immediately see the 2 things I have changed about myself? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm - The greatest mystery - That can only be solved with meeting again -

Oh I am booked to perform at a Garage Sale on the 24th - Want to see me in Costume that day? Or is that a No-no too? Blah - I so want "something" from jEFF and I get silence - Sorry for venting - I am proud of myself for lasting THIS long...

Now is that nj still silent? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR if he is... Does nj want to come over and play for a couple of hours tonight? That would make someone tonight if the answer is Yes... It's not complicated - It's very simple - Swing by and let's play... HAHAHAHAHAHA

Okay beauty, I will let you go -

I will burn you a copy of DEMOLITION MAN (the movie with Sly Stallone and Wesley sucked the big one) But the CD rocks it's all music by STING Now that's one rock star I would... Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'd just want him to serenade me all night Okay NAKED but definitely a guitar would be in the picture hahahah Oh and his hair would have to be spiked HAHAHAHAHA Bleached hahahaha Yah my fantasies always involve rock stars HAHAHAHAHA I am really a very simple country girl - Brought up on too much country bands - Travelling through our house - OMG The bands I met growing up - Even in Winnipeg. Believe it or not...

Okay Sting needs more volume **GRIN**

Your BUDDY,

Charlene
Text Messages are Fine too **HINT HINT**
Stopping by and Playing is much preferred but heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy That would be a complication in JeffWorld BLAH BLAH BLAH and quite smooth in my world... Damn Scorpio LOL I would like to play with your Stinger again PLEASE lol

Oh did you like the poem? The musical accompanment I envisoned in my mind would be kind-of like WALKING ON THE MOOON by The Police (okay guess what I have been burning all weekend long) LOL

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Oh right in reply I will get an effusive 5 line (if I am lucky!!!!!!!!!) email from Jeff - Love being the over-ebullient one hahahaha

Ciao

Oh Macarena is on HAHAHAHA Stupid must be drunk song hahahaha

A series for TV Ontario
Skooled - Teacher Application
Teachers - Please fill out the following questionnaire

Note: Please include a photograph of yourself!

Attach a Photo of Yourself (If emailing application)



School you teach at: Teacer/OnCall

Grade(s) and Subject(s): Computers 101

How would your students describe you?
Out-going, friendly, funny HAHA :)~
Hobbies:
Cycling, pets, art, computers. Friends, family, cooking.

Fears:
The dark. Heights.

Special Skills:
Mosaic Art I have created.

Availability from Mid-June to Mid-July?
Yes.

PART B: ARE YOU A GOOD CANDIDATE FOR "SKOOLED"?

Why do you want to be part of Skooled? Why do you think that you are a good candidate?
I am out-going, and I have performed in the past as a Singing Telegram artist. I love kids, and the fun of computers. Life, for me, is just another adventure, ready to occur.

Students suddenly take over the school. What do you think will happen?
Recess. Or lunch. Shopping. Or millions of cell-phones ringing all at once. Or hopefully a bunch of students will rush to BLOG in my computer room!!!

What do you imagine the students will teach?
BLOGGING 101. Therefore I am needed!!!

What do you hope they teach? What do you hope they DO NOT teach?
Sex 101. Biology - Dr. McDreamy's stay home please!!!

What could you learn from the students that you don't already know?
Relax more, stress less.

Why might this experience be difficult for you?
I really don't think it would be? But ask my bestest friend Rachel rachel@sh.ca To further clarify that She knows me better than I do, at times.

What would be your goal for the week if given this opportunity?
To show that computers ARE fun! And that it's cool to be a "GEEK".

Have you seen Skooled Season 1? If so: What did you like/dislike? What would you want to see done differently?
Sorry have not. Done differently? I should be in the Cast **SMILE**

How would you feel about being on Camera
Love it - although it puts on ten pounds LOL

Woooo Woooooo Would loooooooooooooooooove to be on a CANADIAN TV SHOW!!!!

Okay today I am just closing my eyes and VENTING... Yes it's PMS time & I am ready to EXPLODE!!!

PersonX arrived at my home as I am currently selling items on www.craigslist.org Vancouver CANADA section.

The item that person X was arriving to look at was Pottery that I have for sale. I have like 75 pieces of pottery (variety of sizes and colors) - But mainly smaller sizes that my plants have grown out of. Is that the right terminology? LOL

Well anyways this Male PersonX arrives. Everyone that arrives at my front door, gets a hello from my Dalmatian, and if he "likes" you... He runs back up the stairs (as I live in the upstairs of a house) and brings you his tennis ball.

With Male PersonX, he did not. All the way up the stairs, MPX muttered/complained/vocalized about his discomfort in my home, too busy (there is art all over the walls - I LIKE art???) Too much doggy hair everywhere - There is a Dalmatian and YES they SHED.

Mutter, mutter, mutter.

MPX did not buy any of the pottery - too small, too ugly, too boring, would not fit into his decor. Etc etc etc.

On his way out; How could you live here? It's a hellhole/ratsnest/one big pile of dog hair mess. I am like OMG?

Then because I was PMSing I just sat down and cried, cried, cried. This is the only time of the month that I miss my Xman of like forever ago. My live-in Jim. During my PMS-ing 1st day, he would come home with flowers, yes red roses. Sit down with me and hold me, rub my back and let me let the tears flow. He never asked why and to take the lower back cramps away? We would have bedboard bangin' sex. To relieve my cramps.

Rough sex was always on the agenda when my tears were flowing. It was a Fantastic remedy. I would forget all about every ache pain and tear. Screaming his name.

I need a man, to live with... That loves animals as much as I do, loves art and lets me putter. But knows that I love sex. Tremendously. And is NOT jealous - Why X is an X. Insane with Jealousy. Which is stupidly stupid. Because when I am "IN" a relationship? No other male person exists for me.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh, I want to live with someone - Why the fuck is someone for me so hard to find?

My Friday night tonight? Crying, missing backboard banging releasing cramps-sex, the warmth of a morning after when he brings me toast and peanut butter/honey (my favorite) 'cuz he loves me.

Would I take him back? In a heartbeat. **IF** he lived in B.C. What ultimately ended it for us. He missed Manitoba. Me? Manitoba was only **JUST** forgiveable to be FROM. Not to live in.

Wow why am I thinking of X? We've split 10 years ago. Oh I know, the cramps. Like he thinks of me.

Oh find me a Man, a sexy man, that wants/desires/needs me too. Where the fuck is he?

My Friday night? HouseFUCKINGcleaning. No sex and housecleaning. Watching way too many episodes of CSI. Yeah gore is gooooooooooooooooood for PMSing.

On that note I will end.

Oh no - Wait on this note I will end;

Small pottery for sale - all kinds/colours - 3$/each. Small delivery charge if you want delivered. Better to view in person IGNORE the house interior HAHAHA Can be payable via my paypal account. So BUY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh other notes of PMS Angst - I have a severe crush on that boy named Jeff and since his "trip" I have heard NOTHING Nadda Zilch. I don't know wtf to do? Call him? Email him? Text Message him on his phone?

But then my inner voice says The boy has your Email, Cell phone number, has text messaged you before.

So what is the solution? I don't know.

I do know this - I miss being IN a relationship REALLY FUCKING BAD about now. Right now I do, oh I am going to start to cry again. Wrong thing to do.

So instead? To relieve the Tension? Housecleaning and Exercising on my treadmill - walking into forever. Slowly. Thank god for LOUD MUSIC.

White Stories

dead

ship-wrecked

tourists

harbour

graves

seagulls

linger

silent

-charleneann

The 5 People That You Meet In Heaven -

My Interpretation of Just the Title Alone -

Okay last September (2005) I suffered a "minor" heart-attack. Actually MAJOR to me LOL!

I was at my Father's cabin (Maple Bay, B.C.) & him, Michelle and I were going for a walk along the road (of the cabin).

Slowly I was being left behind, but I did not really notice how much I was lagging, until I started to slowly jog towards them.

Then !!BANG!! The pain was beyond anything I had experienced before (or since). I grabbed my chest and I thought I was SCREAMING as loud as I never had before, but I am sure only came out as a mere gasp, "DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The two of them continued to walk, I SCREAMED, which I am sure was once again a merest of gasps, "DADDDDDDDDDDDD!"

I could see them walking away from me, up the slight incline, as my knees buckled and I was grabbing the right side of my chest. Only when they noticed I was not beside them, in a reasonable amount of time (I am guessing) did they turn around.

I was (I think) writhing on the road. Gasping, pounding on my own chest and trying to keep my eyes open.

Then it was like an inside-like tunnel, very dark to the level of black. I was rushing down it, like on a very fast slide. Then all of a sudden I was in a very white room. There were MarkDwayne, Jim Baldwin, and DavidJames - facing away from me and they were dressed in suits (very casual and skinny grey ties, white shirts). All dressed identical. Just hairstyles were radically different.

Then my Father was facing me, and there was a rainbow "ball", spinning. Which I instinctively knew was Michelle. She was not a solid form.

Then a voice "sounded" "Are you ready?"

I stated one mere word, "No."

Then I was "slammed" back right into my physical body, once again. WHAM!!!!!!!!!!

There was my Father, right over me and Michelle nowhere in sight. In an extreme lack of concern, he asked, it seemed radically casually, "You ok?"

"Oh, of course, Dad." Like I had a heart attack every day of my life. LOL

It was never discussed, my heart attack. The day just continued. No Doctor called or anything. Just dropped off at the ferry terminal.

Wierd.

Hey You my Favorite Person -

Well here is a ditty back at ya - Free Typing - Isn't it great typing 98 w.p.m.? Well I am taking a break from the transcribing...

Okay LUST LIFE - Here is the latest email from my "Rockstar" the one I have blogged all about - Remember my blog URL? Testing your memory recall Old woman HAHAHAHA

Here is Jeff's latest email - Hey Charlene! Thanks for the cards. And thanks for the invite, but I'm headed out of town on Sunday for a few days, be back midweek. Hope you had a great weekend!-Jeff
I am trying NOT to over FREAK (imagination on fire LOL) and all of that and IMMEDIATELY think OMG He's gone away for 4 days - WITH A WOMAN - He's met another woman... No, I have slept with this man, hung out with him, and this I know (from being with him for less than 24 hours) This man has intimacy issues... BIG TIME... His longest relationship? 2 weeks. Why? Because that is how long a relationship/dating lasts until one gets the desire to become more than Hello, let's go for dinner. Or another level of intimacy. Jeff can't do it.

For some reason he has gotten it in his head - And I strongly believe that the reason is the lil' 3 year old Jeff who was shuttled from biological parents to grandparents because Mom stated, "I can't handle this." The 3 year old Jeff there and then decided I am NEVER NEVER NEVER getting this hurt ever again. He has looked for reinforcements thruout his life to justify such thoughts - High school dating went nowhere - Adult dating same. His friends whom he has performed at their weddings for/singing/playing romantic ballads for - All weddings have ended in shambles. Movies reinforce such thinking. It won't last. How many divorce movies are there?

So I am trying NOT to think of the WHOM he does not mention or rather the LACK OF details of his trip - So it is either WORK RELATED/Gone to see his Mom - She lives in Palm Springs - Or he's just gone for a drive. I have no/zero idea if he has a retreat of choice? Like me and my SSI? Instead I will, tomorrow most likely send him a VERY OPEN-ENDED AND BREEZY EMAIL again... Stating Dinner on Thursday? If he's still %^&$^$^#%^# busy then I will re-think all of this... Chasing a tail has never been my forte lol

Oh backtrack a bit... D'ya know what FWB? Is? Think my bright friend - HAHAHAHA It's Friends With Benefits - You are not dating seriously but you are above friends, with intimacy... Did I tell you this? Well we were intimate for one weekend, then he disappeared and the end of the week, I get a TEXT MSG on my phone stating, I can't do FWB anymore - No matter how FANTASTIC the Benefits were!!!!!!

Wowzers? So I quickly ph'd him and asked WTF? So he basically wants to retreat. Retreat, retreat. But he stated that he wanted to continue Us. But without the sex.

So needless to say, I want a horny man. LOL. I like sex. But I like this idiot of a man. So I will keep him on the back burner. Why can't we choose who our heart goes pitter patter over? BLAH.

Well I am going to cut'n'paste this onto my blog/minus your email that originally started this rant HAHAHAHA

My house is as clean as I can make it LOL My landlord has confiscated my in-house vaccuum, so never vaccuuming again. I caught a cat toy in it LOL Rather than the cat, I thought was good HAHAHAH It's a vaccuum that you attach to the wall? Know what I mean?

Oh other news? My landlord is a DragQueen. How do I find the closet queens all the time? Explain that to me. My Father always asks me when I visit him, So what fags have you met lately? FOAD Dad HAHAHAHAHA

Oh talking about Father's - I am visiting him the week after F's Day - Do you feel like a roadtrip? To Maple Bay? Which is basically the Bay for Duncan, B.C.? I would love for you and Connor to visit me there and finally meet my Father and a cousin would be there and no wicked stepMother wouldn't be there. She's a cow anyways. You don't need to meet a cow. HAHAHA It's a thought. You are more than welcome to visit. And FINALLY!!!!!! Meet the Father. He asked about you, as I have your family photo prominently displayed near my computer (if it's near my cpu MUST be important people HAH) I told him you were my Sistahhhhhhhhhhhh HAHAHA That got a massive response from my Idiot step-mother What? You don't have a sister. What are you talking about? The stupid cow took me literally. Thinking my Father had one she did not know about HAHAHAHA I detest stupid people.

Oh Tom Hanks is on The Actor's Studio today. He's kewl, But his hair. What is that?

Oh talking about hair cuts - I have chopped mine back to nothing. And pierced my nose again and I'm magenta again. So I have a million LITTLE curls on my head again. Love it.

Hope you are well, my sistahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh -

Love always,

Charlene

Write back WITH comments about JEFF - First Reaction?

Jeff!!

Always great to hear from you... I totally understand that you are busy, busy, busy with your CD coming out and all...

I would love to get together with you for dinner sometime (late next week??? - thursday-ish?), or another bad movie **SMILE** Or perhaps The Imax??? Just hangout and do whatever... Is always fun, yes? To connect...

Pretty kewl picture eh? Well I am up tonight, I am renaming all the songs I have downloaded (to Artist first, then song title - most are in reverse...) Yes "my" life IS exciting HAH I won 10 blank cd's from officedepot.com So am madly burning.

Would you like some spiritual tunes? That is what I am downloading tonight, hence this email...

Email me tonight **IF** you would like to chat... online... Or you are always welcome to call... Stop by? HAHAHAHAH Okay that was said with a **BIG** Smile...

I love Native/Shaman music. Did you ever go to a PowWow? When you were a kid? One of my Mom's sisters got intouch with the Native Ancestry one summer and dragged all us kids along. Which was quite easy to do since she had a soft-top, candy applered Mustang HAH!

Well handsome one, hope you are well, I am up until the Bewitching Hour, would love to hear from a handsome man, named Jeff...

Okay I just had to share this...

I have not written to my cousin Esther, since I moved away from home. "Home" being a small, small, small (you get the drift) Interlake town in Manitoba.

I have spent my life, here in B.C., denying that I came from Manitoba. OUCH! Especially a town in the Interlake.

So today I went to the postoffice, on my bike, to send a parcel/letter to my beloved cousin Esther.

Who is Esther to me? I grew up with Esther, we were VERY quite close. Actually I "inherited" her as a Cousin. How? My biological mother married a man by the name of Sam. He came from a family of 13.

One of Sam's sisters, is Esther's mom. Hence we "became" cousins.

Further information about Esther? She is a Hutterite. Sam was an Ex-Hutterite. He was Ex-communicated. He had left the Colony/Hutterite, when he was 20? 21? Then he met my biological mother.

When a son was born, Sam wanted to re-unite with the Hutterites. i.e. Sort of like, Look at me! My loins work; I have produced a son!!!

Hutterites are very Male dominated society. Why I could never "convert". As children, both sexes eat together. Then once adulthood is reached, separation of eating happens. Women cook the meal, men eat first. When men have (all men) have completed eating, and dishes have been cleaned THEN AND ONLY THEN, can the women eat.

Other things are that only men work, women do womanly duties. Their role is to marry and produce **MORE** Hutterites. I could go on and on, about the separation of the sexes... But I won't, you get the drift.

Needless to say, Sam and I clashed about everything.

In fact, the first time Sam came to pick up my boilogical mother, for a date, I picked up his hole punch-thingy (which he used to validate tickets for Greyhound - of which he was a driver) and I whipped it towards him before he could react. As I did so, I stated, "I do not like you."

I was four?

He still bears the scar over his (I believe) right eyebrow. Good right arm, mine, even at 4. Thru out the years, my nickname became for him either StupidNazi or HeilHitler!!! As I did the Nazi salute towards Sam. The wierd thing is, Sam LOOKED like Hitler. He even wore, his whole life, that stupid lil' Hitler-ish moustache.

When we went to the Colony the first time, to introduce the loins' working son, my 1/2 brother, I went first into the house. There were all these adults dressed in black (mens' attire then was black pants, suspenders/black, white shirts, beards). Women's dresses, were very subdued in color.

I walked into the room, automatically "knew" who was the senior person in the room (Sam's father was the Elder of the Colony we were visiting). I crawled onto his knee, all huggy and kissy, and stated, "Hi! I am Charlene!! And YOU LOVE ME!!!"

Silence all around. And there were like 10 - 15 people crowded into this very small room.

Then laughter as Sam's Mother laughed, clapped her hands together, and stated, "Oh precious child! Come here!!!"

I crawled onto her lap and there I stayed for the first visit. Being given all the treat for 1/2 brother. I was the beloved one. HAH.

The joke was on Sam, because the first question asked for every visit, by either grandparent, as they glanced around Sam or my biological mother, "Oh is Charlene here? I have something for her."

Right next door was Esther's house. I would run into Grandma's house first, receive hugs/kisses, gifts, attention and then runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn as fast as I could to Esther's house.

Esther was my best friend/cousin. I loved her and she loved me, unconditionally. I could do no wrong.

We were best friends immediately. Both of us tomboys. If Esther hit the ball/baseball, out past 3rd base, I hit it furthe. Vice versa.

First time I ever got drunk was at the Colony. Hutterite wine is lethal. Hhahahaa.

When I got to the Colony, I quickly shed my outsiders clothes, and Esther would share one of her dresses or one of her other sisters (there were 5 girls and one brother).

Yes Esther was my beloved. That is the background.

On the way to the postoffice, today, to mail Esther's parcel (which was a coffee mug which was OVERLY LARGE/HEAVY) which stated on it; BIG HUG MUG) and a short letter - When I stopped at a crosswalk, I looked down at the lightstandard thingy and ther was a pouch of money. Wierd, eh?

Esther gave me the cash to make sure I mailed her parcel for her. Hah.

It was a pouch of pennies. Pennies from heaven? Or pennies from Esther? Not sure.

Just had to share that.