1. Do you like blue cheese salad dressing? NO

2. Have you ever smoked cigarettes? I tried once when I was 13 "to hang out with the kewl kids" outside and nearly died IMMEDIATELY have never tried once since...

3. Do you own a gun? NO

4. What's your favorite drink at Starbucks or other specialty coffee shop? Cappucino - iced.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? NO

6. What do you think of hot dogs? Great in the summertime, cooked on my potbelly stove.

7. Favorite Christmas song? Lil' Drummer Boy sung by Bing Crosby and David Bowie.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? coffee

9. Can you do pushups? ARE YOU KIDDING? LOL

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? Not a fan.

11. Favorite hobby? Art or gardening.

12. Do you have ADD? Yes and it shows up at strange times...

13. What's one trait that you hate about yourself? my temper

14. Middle name? ann

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. class is today, will i finish and complete this course successfully and will i get a job afterwards.

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? chai tea sprite coffee

17. Current worry? Finances and weight equally.

18. Current hate right now? I don't hate, but I feel it from my family/Paternal side.

19. Favorite place to be? In my garden.

20. How did you ring in the new year? STAYED HOME! ATE PIZZA WATCH TV ((hate being single lol))

21. Like to travel? yes but finances stop that dream


22. Do you own slippers? YES

23. What color shirt are you wearing? it's 6:48 a.m. still in pj's lol

24. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? no

25. Can you whistle? A LITTLE

26. Favorite singers/bands? kiss, daniel wesley, redcell, trance... dance

27.Could you ever make it 39 days on the show Survivor? yes i am very stubborn

28. What songs do you sing in the shower? songs that i heard that day... or listened to on my ipod

29. Favorite boy's names? luke anthony

30. What's in your pocket right now? NO POCKETS

31. Last thing that made you laugh? videos on uTube


32. Worst injury/illness you've ever had? back injury - still maintaining it with pain medication

32. Do you love where you live? YES

33. How many TVs do you have in your house? 1, saving up fr another

34. Who is your loudest friend? don't have

35. Does someone have a crush on you? IF SO, I DON'T KNOW WHO IT IS!

36. What is your favorite book? i love all books

37. What is your favorite candy? chocolate covered coffee beans

38. Favorite Sports Team? Anywhere Wayne Gretzky is.

38. What were you doing at 12 AM last night? reading a true crime book by anne rule

39. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up today? class today, better not forget any items for it

ok i HAVE to share "my et moment" when ET the movie came out I had just turned 16 and had my driver's licence = wanting to drive everywhere - well for my brother's 13 b'day i took/DROVE him to the movie of ET - JUST HIM AND I - VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: my brother chris was turning 13 - soooooooooooooo we get to the movie - all was well UNTIL the scene where et & elliott are touching the fingers and the movie theater is hushed...

until...

my brother STANDS UP and BURPS the ALPHABET

needless to say older sister never took BROTHER to any PUBLIC place again LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO

Author: Charlene

Nanaimo Coffee Date Night - I'm So There!!!
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Today at 10:06pm | Edit Note | Delete
Nanaimo Coffee evening ... November 21st 2008 6:30pm

WHO: ANYONE WELCOME, Come one, come all
WHY: Because i said so DAMMIT!
WHAT: Um COFFEE, chai tea, mocha, discussions, but more importantly DESSERTS!!
WHERE: The Buzz Coffee House
unit #1 - 4515 Uplands Drive
Nanaimo, British Columbia
Canada V9T 6M8
250-758-2881

I just had the worst day ever - I did not know what or rather HOW to take it -

I am currently in a class up at University - An Adult Education class - So the hours are warped and whatnot and not really regulated or anything...

So we had a discussion 2day about it and I piped up etc etc

Then as I was clearing my desk to end the day, a classmate of mine turned and asked me, "Are you on Medication?"

I was like, "Pardon Me?"

"Like for your ADHD."

"Oh so now after just these few classes you are not only a Doctor BUT A PSYCHIATRIST?"

"Well I was just wondering if you were, if not, you should be, if you are are, it should be upped - The dosage I mean."

"PARDON ME?"

I wanted to shake her -

PARDON ME

If my life is not

Set up PERFECTLY - Engaged and still living at home etc etc and at 18, (her) life being PERFECTLY organized and planned.

Well SORRY MISSY my life is not as Perfect as Yours Nor am I as Self-Contained as You etc etc Or whatnot - What a F'G putdown.

I am so moving on Monday.

Medication. And I am never speaking again in class. NOPE. Medication my ass.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH - I am going to the Gym and forgetting this day ever happened.

Charlene

I had a great lunch with another classmate. She is a smart cookie.

ADHD AND PROUD lol

Charlene

omg i so can't sleep tonight... it's like 1030 at night and I am like fullllllllll of energy I think its called being in HEAT hahahaha ohhhhhhhhhhh I would so love to be in a relationship at this time... Xmas is the time when I HATE being single I love havin someone to buy a goofy present for I love finding that SUPERSPECIAL gift for my SUPERSPECIAL someone OMFG it's been so long and so long since I woke up with someone that said ILOVEYOU to me first off to start the day... I am thinking that it is because it is close to Jim Baldwin's Birthday i.e. November 17th and he was my Man my Main Man of Love
The photos I have attached to this posting is Billy Idol live in concert First concert I ever saw With Steve Stephens as his lead guitarist and I just about fainted when I saw Billy Idol in TIGHT TIGHT leather tie down pants and bulging I was 16 and a virgin and Billy was the Anti-Virgin LMAO omg I remember just being mesmerized and standing there with my best friend K.K. and her groovin and me just about losin it right there He asked us to throw our bras onto the stage and be "free" We did so and danced most of the concert utterly topless
The other picture is a guy I have never had and always have wanted to see NEKID once LMAO Booty call PLEASE MO Hasn't occurred because of his identical twin Chris BLAH
So I will visit Mr. Showerhead tonight HAHAHAHA shit hahaha
HELLO anyone want a gal that is full of energy ????? pENT up energy hahaha

Okay back to my elliptical machine... To burn off the "energy" in another way SHIT lol Not my first choice hahahaha
Charlene

Each room of my home is decorated in a different theme -
Bedroom - Stars/Moons, DreamCatchers "Think SleepTime"
Bathroom - Ocean Theme - just finished painting it "ocean blue" and tons of shells, fishees and whatnots everywhere
Spare Room - Is my Costume Room; I work as a Singing Telegram Performer so costumes/clowns etc there
Computer room - Has on the walls all my CD's I have signed from Bands/Artists I have seen thru out the years
Living Room - Art; mine and others
Kitchen - Plants and More Plants & Dalmatians (believe it or not it goes together LOL)
Dining room - Yellow and more plants and art
Okay you have just visited my Home
Hope you "enjoyed" the visit
**SMILE**

Author: Charlene

I perform Singing Telegrams and am willing to do reduced rates for Single Moms or Dads **SMILE** Or even for swaps of Clothes (always need costumes, or BOOTS BOOTS BOOTS lol) Or for pottery/large or Dreamcatchers or garden gnomes/knick knacks or even landscaping work - So I am sure we can work something out!!!!! Available for Kid's parties, adult parties or even just a Singing telegram to your Office!!! Many many costumes available... Number one is a Gorillagram on Rollerskates!!! 753-5830 Shawna's Entertainment

Hello -

I was just watching a movie with Brendan Fraser and Matt Damon in which Damon is anti-semitic (sp?) and the movie is set in 1955.

It made me sit down and think. I have never dated a Jewish male. Does that make me the same? I just have never met a Jew - I have stepped into a Synagogue ONCE in my life - When I went to one in Vancouver to listen to "The Fonz" aka Henry Winkler speak.

For me Mr. Winkler was The Fonz and that was "it" for me. He spoke for quite awhile and I never laffed so much in my life. Other than noticing how **VERY** good looking Henry is in person and his perfect teeth/smile. That we were the same height/almost

But that he is a GREAT guy

I took time to listen - Did not get all the Jewish jokes - Jewish Princess and all that - But loved the Fonzie stories.

After the speech I sat and watched everyone and reflected - Why are these people as a Whole so hated? Detested? The Holocaust occurred and One lil' weasel of a man wanted to destroy these people?

I left with more questions, and still have, and no I still have not dated a Jewish man. LOL I have not met one. I don't think???

The only other time I came "close" to Jews was only fictionally - I was an extra in a movie and 4 guys, other extras, were dressed as Jewish men in their black garb and hats and "wigs" i.e. ringlets and flat, black hair. Wait it's not a HAT lol

Wow I am so uneducated Forgive me. But the movie made me think. That is a good thing yes?

The only thing I otherwise knew is Jewish men don't get circumsized LOL Or don't celebrate Xmas which as a kid sucked Big Time Okay that was a BIG bad joke.

Well that is my ramble for this evening...

Charlene

Daydreaming/Writing Today's Thoughts...

wow u bedards/males of note (for me always) luc and pedro-man have soooooooo turned out sooooooooo differently than expected ESPECIALLY luc lol i thought he would be allot of things but not what he has become i am not going to ask how many HE has of tattoos hahaha i have ONE and i designed it myself after my last long-term breakup... blah it was/is to brighten my days ALWAYS tonight? i am stoned, working and listening to george meichel wait no i picked up a lawyer today ROFL so got the itch scratched hahaha at the gym OMG i am so bad hahaha love you always pedro man hahaha charlene i always remember fooling around in the shower with your WHOLE family home OMG hahaha that was NUTS NUTS NUTS but i thought i was "in lub wif the pedro man" so you had me wrapped around your finger and so did all your brothers hahaha until luc was RUDE RUDE RUDE to me and made cry all the way home driving home once then he no longer existed for me HAHAHA

oh wait i can remember you screaming after OMG she cut it off hahaha since a SURPRISE visitor arrived during and yah pedro being pedro had to ANNOUNCE it to the world i just ignored you as best as i could LMAO with a kazillion bedards bugging me hahahaha luc was never too far behind how we never had a menage e trois i will never know wait u 2 must have done that a few times? i am sure? he was close enough whenever i was around hahahaha your baby brother was my fave tho such a cutey and so NOT a loud bedard LMAOOOOOOOO where did he come from hahaha okay enough stoned rambling lol oh i am sitting in front of the fire as well... i threw in a ton of incense into it so it smells rather interesting LOL wow my fri night rocks eh? hahaha your pal forever with love, charlene

the story behind "Pedro Bedard" is that I joined the 735 Communications Reserves" when I was a VERY GREEN 16 year old - Just new to EVERYTHING - - Driving, life, EVERYTHING

Well I joined and met a group of people I would have never met otherwise. The Reserves was home to a variety of ages and I was one of the 2 youngest girls in the group.

I was a Private and very shortly met a Corporal Bedard. Soon to become Pedro or Pedro-Man whenever I wanted to tease him. Well he came from a French Roman Catholic family of 4 and Mom and Dad and so me coming from just me and my bro... It was a very loud household I was entering.

Boisterious IS not the word for the Bedards Happy Joyous High Energy Loud lolol All of that and more. Pedro and Luc were like 9 months apart in birth and so were very alike. Although Pedro caught my heart. BIG TIME. With his silly grin and out-of-this-world sense of humour.

Crazy from the get go. I felt like I stepped onto a rollercoaster and I did not know where the Stop button was.

I just thought Pedro was marvelous and he loved to get me to do things (as me being so "GREEN") And he would put his beret on and say that he was now the Corporal Bedard and I should listen. Needless to say he had not a stitch on otherwise so that command went NOWHERE.

We were fooling around in the basement of his parent's home and everyone had their bedrooms (kids that is) in the basement so Pedro and I having sex amidst that, looking back, is NUTS hahahaha Fast sex everytime Was it loud? I don't remember being LOUD but Luc would mimick me right afterwards So I guess so DAMN hahahaha Or maybe he had his ear to the door Stupid idiot he is hahaha

Was Pedro my first love? He was my only CAREFREE love. No restrictions. There. I just remember being so very happy with him. Who dumped who? We just seemed to peter out. I don't remember a discussion of Go away Char or Go away Pedro LOL Nope. LOL

The KISS That Changed My Life...

Wow THE KISS that immediately comes to mind with such a heading is...

My very very very very very BESTEST kiss ever - Is the following;

I had "just" in the last year moved to B.C. and had not given up very much from Manitoba - A particular MAN in particular... Jim Baldwin - James Curtis Baldwin...

I flew back to Manitoba to see Jim and this was when he was attending University of Manitoba... To become a teacher. To save expenses, he was on a student loan, and STARVING lol He was living in a VERY VERY VERY illegal suite, a one room in a basement of a very dated/small house. But the basement had a shower in the hallway...

After fooling around for a 6 hour HELLO I MISSED YOU VERY MUCH sex, we decided to shower At like what? 4 a.m.? I was extremely drowsy at that point, having flown 1/2 way across Canada to see this man hahahaha

I remember I was drowsily/sleepily leaning against the wall, not paying much attention to Jim at that point, wish he would turn the shower on HOT when he did so and the steam rose...

And then...

He lifted my hair, which was at that point almost touching my ass-long, and planted a steamy/wet kiss on the back of my neck.

Two things occurred right then. I fell INLOVE with Jim right then... And I asked him to move in with me.

Oh the power of a KISS hahahah Placed appropriately HAHAHAHA

Charlene
((it's his birthday on the 17th of November)) as he was MY FIRST "everything" first serious relationship, first sex, first date yadda yadda first man to "live with" first man to propose to me etc etc I will never "forget" him

Miss you Jim... Miss you badly.

"Angels" enter our world in very subtle ways and speak Volumes...

Today I was driving to University... Thinking I would grab a bite... And then class and it's all good

RIGHT.

I own a Beater. A cute Beater. But a Beater.

Well it decided to burn off it's something or other LOL(I am tired can't think right now) but once this round coil/band is burnt off the car no longer runs And the car Screams while it is burning off SMOKES and all that. Well when I drive this is what I do:
1) Turn on car
2) Turn on CD Player Adjust volume/bass
3) Drive HAHAHAH

FAST

Well I noticed that hey there was SMOKE and lots of it INSIDE my car - My beater is a FIERO and it was almost on FIRE-O lol

So I coasted to a stop conveniently at a stop sign... And all of a sudden there were MEN everywhere - One with a fire extinguisher, another with a cell phone and another there to help push me to the side of the road. WOW. So fast hahahaha

Then very handsome FIREMEN YUMMMMY FIREMEN - Secret Fetish that Uniform for me hahahahah

Extinguishers and masks and the whole bit WOW

The Captain was all of 6'2, blonde and blue eyed and missed the hint when I said I was single DRATS hahaha

Oh right back to the Angel bit - -

Well the guy that was with the fire extinguisher was an older guy and was quite the Dad hahaha Asking me over and over if I was okay then after I phoned for "help" he offered me a ride home and we got to talking and during the ride home he said, after I confessed I did not know what to do about the car with it continuing to break down but working "every now and then" he told me; "When your head tells you something and your heart agrees, ALWAYS GO WITH THAT THOUGHT... In other words if your head and heart don't match, DON'T DO IT. Life is that simple. That is what you are to learn from meeting me today."

I just stared at him. Okayyyyyyyyyyyy.

Well my heart AND head tells me to KEEP the car even tho it is breaking down and crashing LOL That "one" day it will be a keeper and a damn good car Just right now it has been sitting for a year and the parts that WILL break down WILL and besides, I have bought it from a Mechanic "Ian" and he is teaching me how to FIX IT as it slowly lets the old parts go LOLOLOLOL

So I am learning MORE about a car rather than just turning a key on and DRIVING shit LOLOLOLOL

Angels enter fast at times and speak loudly

Oh the other thing we talked about was I told him about me He talked faster than me UNBELIEVABLY lol and I answered him and said I have been single for 7 years, after he told me he was married with 6 grand kids of various ages. I said I was about to give up. He said Give up, quit searching actively and that is when you will meet someone.

Fine.

I am throwing it "out there" into the Universe - Hear ME. I am Single. I am bored with that concept. I am outgoing, artistic, love animals, art, shopping, gardening, driving fast cars and 4X4's (my DREAM CAR is a BLACK JEEP with HUGE tires, a BOOM BOX/STERE0 to die for, roll bar, the lights on the roll bar and BIG JEEP) lol Silver cute rims on the tires. Got the idea? I have never planned life and I never will. Hear Me Universe. I want a Man, in my Life. In 2009. Of which is a handful too. But trustworthy and cuddly and funny and that's about it LOL

So there ya Go Universe HEAR MY CALL I am no longer ACTIVELY SEARCHING I am just tossing it out there and tomorrow I am going to toss it out there literally into the ocean in a wine bottle that I am single and available and my email ROFL I live ON the ocean might as well use it to MY advantage Wait is that ACTIVELY searching still SHIT hahahaha

Night night

Charlene

What I learnt from being a "Mom" for a WHOLE 24 hours -

Shayna was missing her mom BIG TIME and was so very very very worried about her - I just stood there and thought Wow I have not talked to my biological mother for like 12 years? And I don't even give her a Thought? And yet Shayna, young Shayna is in tears over her Mom having an operation for cysts? Gone "only" overnight?

It made me sit down and think Why? Do I have so very little regard for my Biological Parents? REALLY? Caring was beaten out of me That's why.

Perhaps that is why my adult relationships Sour? So damn quickly? Or don't even begin? My heart, soul, fire was extinguished as a child? By every parent that I had? UGH.

How does one learn as an Adult to open one self up to caring? To the point of crying over another's welfare?

I cry over my pets when they are hurt. But I can't remember crying over a human being for a VERY freaky long time.

Things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmmm...

Well, well... I have not had really "anything" to write of late... Besides that I am school for Medical Transcriptionist training Therefore TYPING is not UP on my list for priorities hahahaha As that is what I am doing "in" class...
Well these next 48 hours I am "babysitting" for a girlfriend... Her daughter, Shayna... Overnight as Pam/Mom is in the hospital for 48 hours AHHHHHHHHHHH As I have opted NOT to be a Mother... This is going to be a REALITY CHECK big time... Okay okay Yeah sleep time is easy time, right? HOPEFULLY...
Shayna is a great kid... Beautiful, smart as a whip... And the bigger test is on Wednesday I get to be Mom Taxi hahahaha Orthodontist appointment time AHHHHH So braces are being taken off 90 minute downtime then back for retainer Okay sooooooo that will be MOM day for me BIG TIME hahahaha
Okay all you EVERY DAY dayIN dayOUT Moms reading this will be going WHATEVER But if you have NEVER been a Mom anxiety attack in advance here happening hahahahaha Get her there ONTIME feedher GOOD food etc etc
Okay all together now; AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

My Horoscope for Today;

New experiences have the power to transform our lives. When we have the desire to do something more daring than we have before, it is often because we feel the need to change some aspect of our life – new experiences infuse our experiences with something that goes beyond our ordinary routine, allowing us to view the world in an entirely different way. Even if we are not an intrepid type of person, we will still benefit from engaging in a simple change. Pursuing new interests today will both make your life much more exciting and help you see just how many fascinating things there are to learn about and experience.

To get away from my depression I have to setup daily "GOALS" Which are quite minute, from others' perspectives, but BIG STEPS for me -

Today's Goals are;

Completely Clean Home; make it "smell" clean which includes laundry, overall cleaning
Begin to paint bathroom; sea/ocean blue. Continue sea theme of bathroom.

Those are the goals for today PLUS enter contests. I am VERY happy to say that I have made some friends/new and they are travel junkees. But like me, are of limited income. Now I am going to enter TRAVEL contests and hopefully will win some to share with them. Now I have travel partners will be AWESOME to win!!!

One step at a time, to remove myself from Depression.

Hugs,

Charlene

Dear Blog -

This is the first time that I have written this or rather, admitted it, I suffer from Depression.

And obesity. That is me in the picture. 40 and Obese. And Depressed and Single. I am going to wake up tomorrow and change it.

I am going to remove the Weight. I have 7 pieces of fitness equipment and I look at them daily.

I am going to be writing daily and I need feedback people. If anyone reads this. 250-753-5853 or chargirl90210@yahoo.ca Send me letters of GO GIRL

I know where my Depression starts from. Began. Abusive/verbally, Fathers. Both my Biological Father and my Step-Father. Of which I was strong enough to remove myself from the Abusive Step-Father and then I moved closer to my Father and he was a thousand times worse.

I could go on and on how my Biological Father was verbally abusive.

I am removing myself from Him, completely. To grow, heal and love myself. Some of the things he "did" to me and yes, I let him, was let me name a few of the things...

When I first moved to the same town as him, I was model thin and I enjoyed my body. Like all model-thin females, VERY/EXTREMELY proud of that thin-ness. Due to me being hyper-active as a child and continuing into my early adulthood. One Hall-o-ween I decided to dress as a Slutty-Vampiress. I wore my Father's housecoat which looked like something like from Star Wars and ObiWan would wear. Dark brown and with the hood. Underneath I wore a French Maid outfit, pink with white string. Garters and white stockings. And naughty black boots, over the knees.

My Father, the Dentist made me fangs and dipped them in gold and made them so they would retract whenever I would close my mouth and you would see them again when I either opened my mouth, or smiled. And it went white fang, gold, blood on the tips (fake of course LOL). Tres cool.

Well I won a Texas Mickey for my costume ((who doesn't love a Good slut?? LOL)) And I brought it home and when I got home my Father wanted to take pictures of me - But they were never going to see the light of day of the "Family" Photo album. I, being quite drunk, listened to my Beloved Father tell me to pose MORE PROVOCATIVELY and "show some skin" Well I did.

Other things he did thru the years? And after this writing Dispensed with, ... I showed up at Xmas to receive my ONE gift (never something I ever wanted) and my step-sister would get 18 gifts. Her birthday would be remembered I would get a birthday card, 3 months later.

It would be hysterically funny if this Biological Father spread his seed thruout the land SUCCESSFULLY but I am his ONLY off-spring.

He chose to give my Grandmother's car to my step-sister.

This year all the family/clan are going to Hawaii for Xmas AND I AM NOT INVITED. Yet he helped out my step-sister to make sure she could "afford" to fly to Hawaii - We are WestCoast Canada.

I was not invited.

He chose my step-mother over me, when she said Don't talk to your Daughter ever again, he went along with it quite easily.

Whenever he comes over to my home He tells me to keep it clean so it can be resold successfully. Yet other people he has bought them their "starter" homes and I get to be a cheap renter.

Good bye Father I need to heal.

From you.

Oh the other thing he did? Which I still can't fathom. Is he sent over a woman, named Germaine to befriend me and loaded her down with questions he always wanted known. From me. Well she went back with her impressions of me after 4 days of instantly being my best friend - My Father came back with the impression that everything I had said to him, since I moved here, was total lies.

I laughed at him.

The one person on this planet I HAVE NEVER LIED TO IS HIM.

The sad/tragedy in this situation is that I LIVED MY WHOLE LIFE FOR THIS MAN He said Jump? I jumped Fucking High and 5X.

I never had an original thought in my adult life once I moved closer to him. I literally lived for him. That's it. He said he did not like my boyfriend, live-in, whatever, I dropped him that fast.

Well I am taking my first Deep breath and I am scared about tomorrow. Solo. But I am open for the newness of tomorrow.

Wish me luck.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - I am alone but for my dog, the Dalmatian featured and my cat. But I have a roof over my head and depression I am going to conquer.

Me.

Hello everyone,
the Nanaimo Art Gallery is pleased to announce that our Banner Auction 2008 is now underway. All of this years banners are now on our website
www.nanaimoartgallery.com
click on the link and follow the website to our Banner Festival Header and then
look to the drop down menu for Banner auction to view this years entries. To make a bid contact us by email at
info@nanaimogallery.ca
or by
telephone (250) 740-6350.
The Banner Auction runs until November 8th,2008 5:00 pm and at this time all bids will be final. Banner purchases must be picked up by December 17, 2008. No banners will be available for pickup after that date.

I am CHARLENE

Please bid!!! All monies raised goes towards the future of banner programs continuing...

Thanks,

Charlene
The photo is ONE of my Banners... :)

The Base of the Matter; Describes the inner & outer situation, drive, instinct or aspiration which is really behind the apparant surface situation reflected by the Crowning Card. i.e. The root of the psyche, & often this card comes as a Surprise to the Seeker ((unconcious motivation)). THE MAGICIAN - Here we meet the god Hermes, guide of travellers, patron of thieves & liars, ruler of magic/divination, bringer of sudden good luck & changes in fortune.
On an inner level, Hermes, the Magician, is the guide. This means somewhere w/in us, no matter how lost or confused we might be at any point in life, there is something w/in which has foresight & resources which are often hidden from consciousness but which can divine what direction to take & what choices to make. The Magician often comes in the night, often in the form of disturbing dreams, or in the guise of a meeting w/anothe person who turns out toe be somehow significant as a catalyst on 1's journey. Or as a hunch, or as a sudden visit from a long-unseen friend.
The Magician, points to potential skills & creative abilities which have not yet manifested. He may appear as an upsurge of NRG & an intuition of exciting new oppurtunities. A new journey is possible, & 1 has capacities which have yet to be developed.
Past Influences; Inner & outer situation which is now passing out of the seeker's life. In the past it was N.B., but now it has lost its potency. The seeker needs to be able to let go of whatever this card represents before the new future developments can be integrated creatively into life.

TAROT CARD READING - Based on My Question - Will I find Love in the Next Year?

Significator - - The 3 of Swords is a sorrowful card, because the strife or conflict impending in the 2 has at last erupted & come out into the open. Thus the theme of initial completion which links all the 3s in the Minor Arcana is here reflected in a painful situation, where some separation or heartbreak has revealed itself. Yet while it is painful, this card, which is undoubtedly a difficult one, represents a release of energy, for at least there is movement from the stagnant & unpleasant tension of the 2. Whatever has happened is in some way necessary, because something is at work which requires such conflict before it can unfold to its eventual creative end. Here Clytemnestra has had her revenge, & this revenge was inevitable from the moment that Agamemmnon chose his own glory over the life of his daughter. Something set in motion in the past comes to fruition in the meaning of the curse in Greek myth: not a spell or bad fate cast by cast by some capricious god, but the inevitable working out of the consequences of human choice over time, which sooner or later will result in heartbreak or conflict when the bill comes due.
The sorrowful vision of the 3 of Swords thus brings w/it a feeling of relief, for the poison has come out, & therefore a chance of future healing becomes possible. Resentments which have remained subterranean because we are fightened of conflict & anger have a way of bursting through at last, but often through the next generation, who are forced to act out the problems which the preceding ones refused to face. Unpleasant though the 3 of Swords is, it is nevertheless a creative step from the 2, & an ultimate resolution is now possible.

Crossing Card; describes the situation; inner & outer - - which is generating conflict & obstruction in the immediate present - - The 4 of Wands is a card of harvest & reward. The challenge of a new creative idea has been met, hard work has been applied, & now the individual can reap the solid reward which has been earned through effort. Like the 3 of Wands, this card implies something worth celebrating, but unlike the 3, it has a more solid base, & benefits are already evident. The challenge of capturing the Golden Fleece is a daunting one; how can one man alone sail to the ends of the earth, & in what? Jason has responded to this challenge by gathering around him those friends who can help him to achieve his aims. All these heroes in the myth have different skills, according to their natures. Heracles has strength; Theseus, a fiery adventurer like Jason, has creative vision; the Twins have the cutting edge of the clever mind, & Orpheus has the deep feeling & empathy to disarm any foe. Whether we take these friends as real people whose support we can enlist, or as inner resources upon which we can draw, at this stage of the process of creative work the help is available by which the goal can be reached. W/such an heroic crew gathered, & such a splendid ship built, for Jason satisfaction is in order.
On a divinatory level, the 4 of Wands augurs a time of reward for efforts made. A creative idea has yielded early fruit, & the individual has every right to celebrate the concrete results of his or her efforts. But this is only one stage of the journey, & soon the ship must set sail & face the hardest challenges before the final goal is reached.

Crowning Card; immediate atmosphere & situation which hangs over 1 - Strength - - Here we meet the great warrior Heracles, called Hercules by the Romans, who in myth was the most invincible of heroes. On an inner level, Heracles battling the Nemean Lion is an image of the problem of containing the powerful & savage beat w/in us, while still preserving those animal qualities which are creative & vital. The lion is a special kind of beast, & reflects a different aspect of the human psyche than do the wilful horses in the card of Chariot. The lion in myth has always been associated w/royalty, even when it is at its most destructive, & this king of beasts is an image of the infantile., savage & totally egocentric beginnings of a unique individuality. Thus, the Nemean Lion is not wholly evil, but possesses a magical skin which can offer invincibility. This invincibility is connected w/the sense of inner permanence which comes from a solid sense of "me." When we wear the skin of the lion which we have conquered, the ipinions of others - the great They who strike such fear into hearts of the timid - - mean little, for we are amoured in our own indestructible sense of identity.
However promising its potential, the lion is savage & vicious in its animal form. This side of a person unleashed is the "me 1st" drive which will happily destroy anyone or anything in its path, so long as one's own gratification is assured. Rage is 1 of the manifestations of this drive - - not healthy anger which might be appropriate to a situation, but a frenzied anger.
On a divinatory level, the card of Strength, when it appears in a spread, implies a situation where a collision w/the lion w/in is inevitable, & where a creative handling of 1's own rage & senseless pride is desirable. Courage, strength & self-discipline are necessary to battle w/the situation. Thru such an experience we can come in contact w/the beast, but also w/that part of us which is Heracles, the hero who can subdue it. Thus the Fool, having developed the faculties of mind/feeling, now learns to deal w/his own ferocious egotism, emerging from this contest w/trust in himself & integrity toward others.

The Base of the Matter; Describes the inner & outer situation, drive, instinct or aspiration which is really behind the apparant surface situation reflected by the Crowning Card. i.e. The root of the psyche, & often this card comes as a Surprise to the Seeker ((unconcious motivation)).
CONT'D IN 2ND POSTING...

I ABSOLUTELY ADORE GLADYS :D

http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2007/ellen-gladys-hardy-p1.php

193.0 \
Today is the First Day/Step to the Rest of my Life
-charleneann \


well i am going to workout today and my goal is to LOSE the 200 000 poundsEXTRA i am carrying...

wish me luck because i LOVE food - pizza, cheese, chocolate - name it, i LOVE it... lasagna - so far ahhhhhhhhhhhhh is how it is going

GOOD food has been my comfort for so long that i am LITERALLY scared to say "goodbye" to its comfort... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i will be writing daily, in september, as this WILL be a daily struggle - blahhhhhh

encouragement would be awesome argh...

charlene

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSvJwUFI_es

type in that URL FREAKIN' FUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNY :)

okay what am i doing this long weekend/last weekend of the summer? i am doing yard work and painting my fence ((pictures are being taken as it is being finished - mainly for self-affirmation LOLOLOL - that i am NOT a lazy ass after all HAHAHAHA))
i live in a trailer park and as you basically also "live" with your neighbors... i have come to know other person's "habits" well there is a lady that lives across the way and she is a CLEAN FREAK...
i have never been able to be a clean "freak" so bad that i am sure that i have "lost" room mates i basically blame it on ADHD and magnetic floors LMAO
but back to my neighbour she spends every day cleaning? like to me it is a control thing? she carries a vaccuum around/behind you as you visit? she is currently vaccuuming her car and she has vaccuumed it for 16 hours? omg?
i REALLY do "not" know how to clean - i support the local small businesses by paying others to clean/vaccuum for me - she thinks that i am nuts? why pay someone for something that you can do yourself? i CAN'T lol it still "looks" dirty when i've cleaned? aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh...
i am just sitting here amazed at her vaccuuming the car for the 17th hour? lol it's a station wagon OMG? lol 1973 version?
oh and she refuses to pay someone as she is saving up from her hubby's salary/pension to buy a home with horses and a barn and chickens and blah blah blah - i just laff at her and say i don't believe it tomorrow - if i see something i want? i buy it immediately - i don't believe in tomorrow after i have had 5 friends/a beloved relative die YOUNG - tomorrow? whatever on that note -
so i, instead of cleaning inside am - doing yardwork for days at a time? is there something "wrong" with me because i do not possess the FEMALE gene of cleanliness?
the other reason i don't vaccuum is my mother would turn on the vaccuum to not "hear" me being beaten my step-father - hence i DON'T/can't stand the sound of a vaccuum - almost become nauseous - i got beat every day/youth...
that won't erase...
well just wondering things - how FEMALE am I lol
and single-dom SUCKS this weekend BIG TIME
blah blah blah
this is CHAR PMS'ing and blue - visitors are more than welcome THIS particular weekend...
a hug would be more than welcome...

blue,
charlene

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

Notice:



DUE TO RECENT BUDGET CUTS, AND THE SPIRALING COST OF ENERGY, THE

LIGHT AT

THE END OF THE TUNNEL HAS BEEN TURNED OFF.

http://www.clearspring.com/widgets/4888ef2fa9474c04

hello hope - well 6 p.m. tonight rolled around and no phone call or my father did not show up - i called him and he said that he thought in yesterday's conversation he thought i had said that i would call him - well i told him that i thought he was going to call me and that we were going to walk around the waterfront so i could show him my banners he said that he had made a special trip to the waterfront in the morning (before 8 a.m.) to walk around to look at the banners and did not see the banners that i described (meaning WHAT??? lol) I told him of the area of my banners and he said once again that he misunderstood the where they were obviously - well we continued talking and i said to him that i would like to see him and his reply? that he was surprised that i expressed such a sentiment after my 6 page letter... of which he read that i completely hated the clan -

okay hope - my COMPLETE letter is on my blog - www.shesgotpersonality.blogspot.com scroll down and you will find it, very quickly - it is not a letter stating i hate the clan - it is ME expressing my hurt feelings and confusion towards my father -

i said no it was not i hated the clan letter it was about him calling me a fat lazy whore, why did he do that? his reply? we are not talking about me,
what i said, i said dad, we NEVER talk about you, we have NEVER talked about you or US and yes the letter was COMPLETELY about you and your statement ((i.e. HOW did he miss that?))

i told him i loved him and he IS and always will be my father and i will always be his daughter THAT will never change - he abruptly changed that topic and said what else would you like to know about the trailer? as i had asked him if it was okay for me to paint the exterior green - he said he liked the colour i chose - i said Great - he continued, anything else you would like to know about the trailer? the trailer is michelle's and mine, of which we let you stay there at a VERY reduced rent "until you shoot yourself in the foot"

hope what does that mean? SHOOT yourself in the foot?

i just let him talk - silently wondering what the hell???

he continued, you can stay there until you decide to leave -

again i thought? what? what does that mean now? doesn't that just contradict what he just said?

i answered, well i am in school until next march, then i don't know -

he said then i would need 2 months notice so i could find someone else to be there, it is just a property WE own that we rent out to you FOR A VERY REDUCED RENT

i let that slide and instead asked, okay that is understood, what about us?

he said what us? your letter spellt it out you hate the clan

my reply, NO it did not, that letter was just my confusion about you and your statements to me thru out my life, and i think that we need to have a VERY LONG talk, I AM YOUR DAUGHTER, YOU ARE MY FATHER, I would like you to stop by sometime -

Why?

Because YOU ARE MY FATHER AND I AM YOUR DAUGHTER -

Him - I need to go I am working on the water line here - We have no water -

Me - No way Dad, you are not ending a phone call that way, not this time. Is that it? You don't want me to contact you anymore then? Do you want me to get another Dentist? Do you want Zero contact from me?

Him - I will stop by sometime. I don't know when.

Me - That is all I ask. Thank you.

CLICK

HELP ME. Define Please.

Thank you.

Why is everything/everyone LEAVING me at this time? Narda - My confidante for the last 6 years. And now my Father "misreading" my letter?

I am so confused. Hurt and crying right now. I am feeling so very alone right now. I am single... And no family other than my Father here. I reached out to another Person that I have called my Chosen Mom "Jan" and phoned her today and she has not returned my call. She was with my Father for 33 years. I always had an "inkling" that she was "in" my life because I was her "link" to my Father - and now that I am no longer in "direct" contact with him she is no longer returning my phone calls etc etc?

Why is everything ENDING at the same time? I feel so very alone right now, and scared. Not beaten just scared. I am also just PMSing up the yingyang hahahaha So the tears are 99% that too HAHAHAHA

Thanks for letting me vent/write to you Hope. One day I will give you a hug in person LOL But me broke right now hahahahahaha

Hugs n Luv,

Char
sorry I did not address what else you said in your email bit lost right now

I REALLY do not understand life currently...

Everything, in life, I have found, ENDS at the very same time...

I have had a very, very, very good friend named Narda for the last 6??? Years and now, with no explanation, she is no longer "in" my life - This was a person that would call me ALLOT/day.

She had been diagnosed as a ton of things... And has been in the Psych. ward of two cities in B.C. in the last 10 years and her and I have been thru a ton of things together and yet she just "stops" talking to me.

BLAH. Zero explanation.

WTF?

Then I reached out to my Biological Father and wrote him a 6 page letter of which I expressed my complete feelings and confusions where he is concerned. I talked to him today and he read it that I hate the whole clan. Why do I bother?

So I am retreating by both parties. No more am I reaching out. My whole life I have been the person searching/reaching out to others. Well this is My Time. I am just placing ONE GOAL in my life. Currently.

I am going to work out and work out and work out and diet. I am no longer reaching out to others. I am reaching In.

I have felt like I have been "Frozen in Time" for like a Long time. And I have finally "woken" up.

Workout = Me. That's It. Nothing More.

I reached out. I can't do any more.

Me.

advice i received today w/regards to me being "terminally single"

Charlene I know a few terminally single girls and man are they happy! Hey
means you can just take your pick and have all the fun you want. No
thinking about "Is he the one?" or "Will he make good boyfriend material?"
Nah! You just swan your sweet sassy self wherever you want to go, take
yourself a good look around the place and pick yourself a pleasuremaker for
the night!

Then you have yourself the fun you want and go home to your complete private
self. Always good and bad in everything - single or married - just make the
most of what you got. I would love to be single and strut my stuff sometime
seeing as how I really, really was a very, very good girl when I was young.
I'd love to make up for it now but I don't agree with cheating when you're
married. See that's one of my faults right there! But then Sugar I do have
Donovan the D Man right here whenever I want. Hmm mmm that man is so sweet!

I found a great site called WinFreeTickets.com. They give away tickets to all kinds of events in the city. If you click on the link below and register with the site I will get THREE bonus contest entries and you will get the chance to win thousands of dollars in giveaways. Please register soon.

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THE CLEANER

MustSee TV

Originally I began to watch the show because of yep, Benjamin Bratt. I have always had an extreme weakness for darker men - Especially men with Great smiles **giggle**

But I will say that this show is the best of TV I have seen in a long, long time. You must watch this. I wish that there was such a guy in Vancouver. To help others.

Benjamin makes his character EXTREMELY believable. I like it when he "talks" to God. It is always with his grin and lots of sarcasm. Not the way that you would think one would talk to God LOL

And Benjamin's character has flaws. One flaw I can't understand is that his wife has him sleeping on a pullout bed in the spare room. Totally unbelievable. Who would put Baby in the Spare Room? When Baby is Benjamin? Like come onnnnnnnnn... That fact is totally unbelievable. Especially when Benjamin is telling you that he had "that" dream again Like okay LET'S GO... Make "that" dream a reality, over and over and over hahahaha But that is just my thoughts **EVIL GRIN**

Watch this show, and it will stop you from Dropping some. Totally shows the darker sides of drugs.

Bravo Benjamin. A Bratt fann foreverr LOL

Charlene

a href="http://www.geocities.com/~sweetkittie/facesofted.html">img src="http://www.yourdomain.com/tedbanner.jpg" width=200 height=100 border=0 alt="Faces of Ted">/a>

I have done extensive research about Ted Bundy the serial killer.

Why? No not a morbid fascination - -

But his killing spree(s) corresponded with a time that I ran away from home. I ran from Manitoba to British Columbia when I was 11 years of age.

I was a brunette, I wore my hair, straight AND PARTED IN THE MIDDLE. I was slight for my age. I was "cute" was commented/told that often. I had striking blue eyes.

I was researching to see if my path would have diverged with Bundy's path. Of crime. I cannot see that it did. Never in any of the writings about Bundy did it mention that Bundy ever traveled to Canada.

Even tho I ended in B.C., up from Bundy's home state of Washington, he never crossed the U.S./Canada border. So no we did not converge.

And no, listening to tapes of his voice, does it "click" for me. I have never heard that voice. Talking to me directly. \

I think that Bundy should have been kept alive and studied. Altho, he is the world's greatest manipulator - - So would people that studied him, have ever gotten the "truth" from him? Doubtful. \

Altho, with his high level of intelligence, it might have been better to have kept him alive and studied him.

Just my 2cents.

I strongly disagree with his final interview, hours before his execution that it was due to porn. Then every male would be a Serial killer. Period.

That is too simple an explanation. Too succint.

Just my 2cents.

I would have continued my psychology studies to Doctorate level if Ted Bundy was still alive. As I would have liked to have interviewed him. To see how the devil works. Perhaps.

Ted Groupie? No. Ted analyzer. Yes.

July 2008

Dear Dad,

I am writing this to you – After not having seen you for like Forever. It was my Choice. You hurt me. Bad. Big time.

What made me think of you tonight is... I watched the movie/DVD Freedom Writers. And something just went Eureka for me. With the Movie. I initially bought the DVD because it had Patrick Dempsey in it and in my eyes, he is Very easy on the eyes.

But one statement in the Movie “jumped” out at me.

One girl makes a toast in the movie. Her statement was, “I am no longer going to accept abuse in any form to my person.”

Wow.

I was tolerant of abuse to my person. My whole Life. I “accepted” it. Why? I have value as a person. I do. Yet everyone in my life, I valued, were very ready to tell me how very little value I had. To them.

You hurt me Dad.

Yet you have chosen to hide. Disappear and not “deal” with it.

The difference between you and I is this. I valued you for JUST BEING my Dad. You did not have to “be” anything. You were My Dad and everything else was golden. You were golden. My Daddy and I was/am proud of you. I love you unconditionally. You don't have to be Anything at all. Beyond being my Dad. I will love you forever and ever. And that will never change. You are MY DAD.

Yet, you made me feel that I was never good enough. Or you treated me with disrespect. From the get-go. We have NEVER had a sit down talk together. You choose to never validate my Hurts where you are concerned. You hurt me when you walked out and never wanted to spend time with me, growing up.

And it continued when I moved out here. Do you, WERE YOU, ever aware how very EXCITED and HAPPY I was? When you asked me to move out here AND BE WITH YOU? I had my Daddy back and he was welcoming me INTO his home.

Edith/Sam world was Hell.

Life with you was more of the same. To be “validated” by Dan Sieffert I had to be So many things. I had to marry who you LIKED. ((BULLSHIT)) Dad, I am, and forever will be IN LOVE with Dave Rayner. I would be with him again, and forever in a heartbeat. Yet he has gone underground. I have tried to find him with Private Detectives but Dave knows how to “go to ground” Hence me being Single.

You have hurt Me over the years. I have felt like I have been in competition with Chelsea. That she “wins” your love because she has fit into your Check Marks of Life. She graduated from College, and married a guy YOU LIKED and did all the things you APPROVED of.

I am Worthy of your TIME AND RESPECT. I am an Awesome Person. Do you know the DAUGHTER that you are missing out on?

I am going to address issues that you have hurt me - - Over the years.


You felt it was worthy of calling me a Fat Lazy Whore - - Where the FUCK did that come from? You NEVER had the balls to explain that to my satisfaction. Is that your TRUE opinion of me? WHY? What or how have I ever treated YOU that you felt it was worthy of coming to MY HOME DRUNK and being BELLIGERENT??? Is that how you treat people that you RESPECT and LOVE? That image of you is burnt into my soul Because you were my COMPOSITE of Men that I dated/loved and wanted to spend my life with. I, innocently, thought that ULTIMATELY Dan S LOVED Charlene Ann S. That it was just a given.

Another hurt that you did was when I first moved in. Dad, you are an alcoholic, and a drug abuser. You NEED weed. You choose WEED rather than spending time with your daughter. Which would you rather have? Weed or time with your ONLY blood daughter?

You chose to give MY GRANDMOTHER'S car to Chelsea. With some lameass statement that money was owing on it. BULLSHIT. You made sure that Grandma was sitting pretty financially.

When you do call me, it is to talk about Chelsea and how she is strapped for cash and that you “had to” help her out financially Yet I am on welfare and some days I go without food. No I am not asking you for cash (That is not the purpose of this letter) I am writing to you to see IF we have any sort of a relationship EVER AGAIN.

I love you. And that will never change. You ARE my Daddy. I am VERY PROUD when I stand beside you. I feel whole when I am near you. I have NEVER ever disrespected YOU directly. I have disrespected people in your environment that have disrespected me. Michelle and I also have to have an honest sitdown talk and I would love it if she would not get up in a huff and say she cannot deal with this. This being Me. I would like to get to know her. I am sure she must be Someone worthy to know because my Daddy married her.

As for you and I - - I am quite proud of my trailer. My First Home. Yet have you ever HAPPILY come visit here? No – Why? This is the Why I understand it - - Because you Hate my Dog. You disrespect him – Verbally abuse him and even physically abuse him whenever you come over. Why is that? I love my Dog. Can you not find it in yourself to honour that?

I demand respect for me. My world. My environment. My four-legged people. Can you step up to those standards? Which is like a Given from one to another? Being Family?

You have never made me Feel Welcome in Your Family Life. Why is that? I feel that it is because Michelle has decided that (and this was before the 2 of you were married) was that she was going to do her damn best to “replace” me WITH Chelsea. How many times have I heard from you that you had to quickly hide my photos of My Mom? Are you not allowed to have a History? Yet Michelle does? I have never understood that. I AM YOUR HISTORY. I AM YOUR FUTURE. I AM YOUR DAUGHTER AND I AM NOT GOING AWAY.

I have thought through the past year to make you “HAPPY” ultimately by Offing myself. Or changing my name. All names. But I am Damned Proud to be a S. Grandma and Uncle Parker both made me PROUD of the Surname of S. They made me WELCOME.

I am extending this to you - - IF you can step up to the plate and respect me - - Stop the putdowns, verbally, my way. You are welcome into my home.

Get over that Charlene is a Fuck up. You help others out - - Yet I am a Fuck Up - - Not even worthy of your time.


I have never told you this But when I walked into Edith's home in Warren to tell her that I was moving to B.C. To get to know my Father, these were her words; “You are making a Mistake Charlene. Why? Because the S's are a cold bunch. Cliquey is the right word. You will never find happiness with them.”

I sent her a Birthday card this year and told her she was right.

When I phoned Uncle John and told him about you calling me the Fat Lazy Whore? His words to me were, Well I think you should move out of the Trailer.

Where was I to go? The street?

Warmth just oozes from the S's. OOOOOOOZES.

Also, I have this question for you, What have you told ALL of the S's about me? Obviously ONLY negative. Because in all the homes I have had over the years, never once did they call me? Visit me in my homes? What did you tell them? I had to get on a ferry and visit at D. Bay Road - - I just always thought it was curious and very one-sided.

I would like to have a relationship with My Dad. But the respect has to be mutual.

You never had to “earn” or be something or someone for me to Love you Completely. Respect you Completely.

Are you aware of any of my Traits? Personality? Can you name 10 things about me? My likes? My dislikes? Doesn't it rot in your gut that you do not have a relationship with YOUR ONLY BLOOD DAUGHTER ON THIS PLANET?


I have your sense of humour. I have YOUR blue eyes. I have your nose. I have your short freaky legs.

Can you NOT look beyond my weight? Is that all you see when you look at me? If so, then I do not want you in my world. That is an issue you have to get over.

I suffer from Depression. Serotonin is low in my brain. I have to take Drugs to fix that. It levels me out.

I am a Human being that is Wonderful. Here are ten things that I immediately want you to know about me - - I made 2 AWESOME banners which hang prominently in Nanaimo. People love my Art efforts.

With my low income I give to the SPCA - - both my time and cash.

I am an avid gardener. Which flows into my home and garden.

Yes I will never be a Neat Freak. So I hire both a housecleaner and a vaccuum person, monthly.

I would love help financially at this time, to have Food in my Fridge - - I would love to have a Pantry full of food.

I love how I have decorated my home.

I would love to have a bright Sun room like you had at Departure Bay - - on my deck.

I love to renovate.

I live for art. In any form.

I am warm to my Friends.

I enjoy being on the Computer.

In my course, that I just took I got 100% - - Yet does that move me up in the Dan S evaluation? I doubt it. Where are you for my Graduation?

Why do you think you and I have disintergrated to this level? It was not for my lack of trying. I have always expressed that I wanted you in my world.

But if you can't love/respect/want to be with me, in my world, NO LONGER ABUSE ME VERBALLY we will never have a relationship.

I would like for you to sit down with me and verbally (you NOT being drunk or stoned - - which is both ways of disrespect towards me) I would like to hear your Issues towards me. And if Michelle, would like to be there, so be it. But I think that you and I should just sit down and I would like to listen.

Never have you ever made me feel loved or wanted. I have always felt that you “let me into your world” so the mini-world of N would think Dr. S was such a Great person taking in his daughter. Not because he desired too. Hence the throwing of cash towards me - - Never did you ever phone me and invite me over for the weekend - - Never did you and I spend time together - - extended periods of times? Why is/was that? I never had an answer for that in my brain.

Okay I am writing this to you in hopes that there is something to salvage. If I do not get a response to this, I will know forevermore that you, by not contacting me, have chosen not to. And I will no longer bother you. As I will take it that you have chosen, as Edith has before you, that Charlene is Dead to You. I can handle that. It's the Not-Knowing that I can't handle.

Respect? Talk, and all that. I welcome you - - Drunk and Verbal abuse. That Dan S I don't desire in my world ever again.

I love you Dad.

Charlene

I am going over this weekend to go and look at a VW Bug This gal will take cash increments on it So I am hoping that I will have a car once again.

Yeah your daughter is broke, but that is not forever. If you come by and get to know her, she is not all negativity and downer. I am really quite Fantastic.

) Gone on a blind date and married him/her.

(X) Skipped school
I did not do this UNTIL my 18th Birthday which was March 16th, so Grade 12. I can even remember who with; Craig Gallant. We went to a nearby Bar and he ordered 18 shooters each - - And said, SHOTGUN!!! So off we went. I remember the next class after lunch break was Art class with Mr. Tory Ceasar (His REAL name) and just buzzing, then English/Poetry with same teacher and buzzing some more. Then a free period, which I **think** I roamed the hallways, giggling incoherently, searching for My Romeo, Where for art thou Romeo/Craig LOL

( ) Watched someone die

(X) Been to Canada
Born & Raised

(X) Been to Mexico

( ) Been to Florida

(X) Been on a plane
First time was when I was like 2 years of age. As my Father was an accomplished Pilot. He will tell you about me climbing, or trying to climb into his lap, as loooooved My Daddy. And in his lil' plane, the landing gear was positioned in the middle between pilot and co-pilot Insanely stupid spot??? And somehow at what? 300? 500? Miles per hour? All of a sudden the tires are down? Well me flew like a football, as Daddy tried to stop us all from continue to plummet to our demise. HAH

And I wonder why I am still scared FLYING. Yep white knuckle flyer me. I think it's cuz I have ZERO control.

(X) Been lost - But it's an Adventure. You never know what's around the corner! Just like real Life:)

( ) Been on the opposite side of the country

( ) Gone to Washington , DC
I really DO NOT want to do this!

(X) Swam in the ocean
Given. I live on the West Coast of Canada. Ocean is like 2 blocks away. i.e. Within walking distance.

(X) Cried yourself to sleep

(X) Played cops and robbers

(X) Recently coloured with crayons

(X) Sang Karaoke
I love to do the song The Name Game and Improvise. I think I do wonderful LMAO Otherwise, if I had wayyyyy too many, I will ask some TRES CUTE fella to sing Summer Lovin' ((From Grease)) LOL

(X) Paid for a meal with coins only?

(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?

(X) Made prank phone calls
This was with my brother. When you had rotary phones. The one I remember is as stupid as can be. I got my brother to phone a KFC and ask (only if a girl answered) Do you have Breasts? She would say Yes - - Can you describe them to me? If she described the meat? He would say? No, what size? Please? Firm or soft? Usually by then the phone has been hung up in disguist. Okay it's funny when you are PRE-TEEN or STUPID or both LOL

(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
Only one person on this planet can make me do this. My cousin Cheryl-Lynn. Immediately. Upon her saying Hello. Hi. We never get to the next word. That is Our Hello. Laughing until lots of fluids come out of our nose or one of us pees our pants (okay that was always just me) or gets the hiccups (that would be her) which would cause me to convulse all over again.


() Caught a snowflake on your tongue

(X) Danced in the rain �
fun, fun, fun This is the West Coast LOL Rain Forest extreme.

() Written a letter to Santa Claus
I read too much as a Kid. Never was a believer.

() Been kissed under the mistletoe

(X) Watched the sunrise with someone you care about
From various locations MMMMMMMMMMM, yes, indeed.

(X) Blown bubbles �
it has been a while

() Gone ice-skating

(X) Been skinny dipping outdoors
Once when I was about 16?

(X) Gone to the movies



1. Any nickname?
Too many to mention. As I love to "give" knicknames, I have been christened as well.

2. Mother's name:
Biological Mom; Edith, "Chosen" Mom: Jan ((Long story)) But then, isn't life???

3. Favourite drink?
Coffee licquers or strawberry margarettas.

4. Any Tattoo's?
One.

5. Body piercings?
Not at this time, but thinking about it...

6. How much do you love your job?
In school, currently.

7. Birthplace?
"Winterpeg"

8. Favourite vacation spot?
Mexico

9. Ever been to Africa ?
No.

10. Ever eaten cookies for dinner?
Of course.

11. Been on TV?
Yes, several times. And no, NOT America's Most Wanted hahahaha or Cops hahaha

12. Ever steal any traffic sign?
Yes. Slippery when Wet - - > That MUST be the Most stolen sign??? hahahaha A Chelsea Street sign for Chelsea belles (my step-sister)

13. Ever been in a car accident?
Yes

14. Drive a 2-door or 4-door vehicle?
2

15. Favourite salad dressing?
Oils or vinagearette.

17. Favourite number?
69 or 2469 hahahaha

18. Favourite movie?
Tons. But JAWS can watch that movie over and over AND still be scared.

19. Favourite holiday?
September long weekend. It always feels "like" the start of something new.

20. Favourite dessert?
Anything chocolate and with coffee. Or it's called SexInApAN mmmm Good.

21. Favourite food?
Mexican or Greek or my cooking LOL

22. Favourite day of the week?
Early Morning Sundays

23. Favourite brand of body wash?
Changes often.

24. Favourite toothpaste?
Baking Soda toothpastes.

25. Favourite smell?
Just after it rains, a man, Jovan Musk, Vanilla, coffee, food cooking... slowly... Okay I love the smells of life!!!

26. What do you do to relax?
Bubble bath, play on the computer, phone friends, write friends, art, walk my dog, travel, bike, email

27. How do you see yourself in 10 years?
Neither as broke or as single.

28. How many siblings do you have?
One 1/2 brother (Same Mother, different Father), one step-sister (inherited her when Father remarried)